The Good, The Bad, The Blessing

"What time did Nic get in?" TT asked Candi.

"Like, three or four." She said while pouring a
cup of coffee.

"You think it went well?"

"If it went well she would have stayed the night with him and Kenzie."

"Yeah." She sighed. "I hate to see her like this. She really wants to be with him but he fucked up so bad."

"I know we all make jokes and what not but I think we should keep our opinions to ourselves with this one."

"I agree."

"Let me go check on her." She put her cup down. "She been throwing up all morning."

Candi made her way upstairs to check on Nicki. When she made it to the the room she heard her vomiting. She pushed the bathroom door open and walked over to Nicki. She looked up with misery filled eyes. She looked like she'd been crying for days.

"You ok, Babe?" Candi asked.

"Yeah." She closed the lid and flushed the toilet before making her way to the sink to brush her teeth. "I didn't even drink that much."

"How did things go with Faree?"

"Hmmm?" She said while brushing.

"Last night."

She spit, "I didn't go out with Safaree. I left with Webb."

Safaree pulled up to the house angry. He got out without shutting his car off and made his way to the front door. He began banging on it hard. TT answered and he pushed pass her.

"Get my baby out the car." Was all he said before going up the stairs two at a time. When he got to the bedroom he followed Nicki's voice to the bathroom.

"Get out Candi."

Candi looked back and forth from an angry Safaree to a surprisingly timid Nicki. Nicki nodded and she walked out. Safaree slammed the door closed.

"You fucked him!" He began walking up on her. She had never seen him this mad.

"Safaree -"

"Don't bullshit me!" She was now against the wall. "Why?! Why would you fuck that nigga?!"

"You fucked our nanny in our home Safaree! I think that pretty much takes the whole got damn cake!"

"Answer me!" He hit the wall by her head.

"I didn't fuck him!" She yelled.

"Well, what the fuck is this?!" He pulled her arm and pushed her towards the mirror. Nicki's eyes got big as she noticed the purple mark on her neck.

"Safaree-"

"No! Of all the ways you could fucking get back at me. . ."

"Faree, listen to me." She cried and tried to move towards him but he moved away.

"I went to his hotel, we kissed, it almost went there but I stopped it. I would never. . ." She began choking on her words through her tears. He wouldn't look at her. "Safaree, please."

"Nah, I'm good on you." He began walking towards the door but she pulled his arm.

"Faree, baby, listen. You know me." She cried. "I would never-"

"What the fuck ever Nicki."He turned to her. "You full of shit! Fucking hypocrite. I swear to God!" He turned and punched the door and she jumped. He left a hole behind when he pulled his hand away.

"Just go." She turned away.

"Oh, now you putting me out?"

"I really don't give a fuck to be honest. You won't believe shit I say because you too insecure in your own fuck up!"

"Insecure?"

"I almost fucked him but I didn't because after all the shit you did my dumb ass still wanted to be with you. I was gonna tell you. Give you more courtesy than you gave me."

"Whatever Nicki. I'm out."

"You always trying to run away. You feeling some type of way? Let me know!"

"I walk away to spare your feelings."

"You wasn't sparing my feelings when you was fucking that bitch!"

"I fucked her because she gave me shit that you haven't in years."

"Like?"

"Fucking attention!"

"And?!"

"She laughs at my jokes no matter how corny.  . ."

"Keep going!"

"Listens to me ramble about stupid shit without telling me to shut the fuck up, she-"

"Is everything I'm not so go find that bitch and
 build a new life."

"Everything you were and maybe I will."

He turned and walked out, slamming the door behind himself. Nicki leaned against the bathroom door and cried. A sick feeling washed over her again but she ignored it when there was a knock at the door.

"Nicki, its Can. Open up babe." No response. "Look, Micaiah is on the phone an-" Nicki wiped her face and opened the door.

"Thanks Can." She took the phone.

"You ok?"

"Yeah. I'm fine." She sniffled.

"Ok." She said and walked out.

"Hey baby." She forced a happy voice.

"Hey Mama. What took you so long?"

"Oh, Kenzie is acting up." She lied.

"Oh."

"I miss you soooooo so much." She tried hard to keep her voice from cracking but the tears began to flow again.

"I miss you, too. You ok Ma?"

"Im fine." She decided to change the subject.

"You haven't been sharing your football
equipment have you?"

"Nooooo, Ma." He sighed.

"Ok." She laughed a little. "When are you coming back? Its been forever."

"Week and a half."

"Week and a half?!" She gasped. "That's too long."

"Ma, can I ask you something?"

She was scared as to what he might ask but still said, "Yes."

"Can we take a road trip?"

"We take road trips all the time."

"Only for work. I wanna go for fun like my friends."

"Ok."

"Really?" His excitement bought a genuine smile to her face.

"Yeah."

"Yesssss!"

"We'll go as soon as you get back."

"Oh, I got the All Star medal for this week."

"Really? Congrats baby. I'm really proud of you. You having fun right?"

"Yeah."

"Ok. Good. I was thinking that-"

"I gotta go Ma. Imma call you tomorrow or something."

"Ok." She sighed. "I love you."

"Love you too."

"Say your prayers and be safe."

"Ok."

"Call Grandma."

"Ok."

"Make sure you are drinking a lot of water because-"

"Ma."

"Ok. I love you. Muah. Muah. Muah."

"Bye, Mama." He hung up.

Nicki and Safaree sat on a beach in Hawaii just twenty four hours after getting remarried. They watched the waves crash up on the shore and listened to the sounds of the ocean. Safaree had his arms around Nicki who rested her head on his chest.

"Faree, I love you."

"I love you too, Nic."

"I need it to be different this time around. We can't be selfish or spiteful or anything because we gotta think about Micaiah. I'm not saying our who relationship has to revolve around him but he's a big part of making this thing work."

"You still scared?"

"No, I feel safe with you. I just, I don't know. I guess I just need reassurance that it won't be the same as before."

"We was young, had different priorities and shit going on. Things are different, better. We gone be ok. I'd never hurt you and even though you say some evil, fuck up shit to me, I know your heart."

"Where do you see us in five years?"

"Happy, healthy, iced out. . ."

"Ignorant."

"That too."

"No, I was calling you ignorant you fucking bafoon." She rolled her eyes.

"That too though." He chuckled. "Micaiah gone be playing sports and we gone go to the games in our matching Samuels Family fits."

"That is so corny." She laughed. "But I like it."

Nicki was pulled from her memories by a screaming MacKenzie. She jumped up and followed her voice. She didn't even know that Safaree had dropped her back off. She found herself at the room that Candi and Shareika were staying in. They had MacKenzie on a blanket on the floor. She was on her stomach which she hated most of the time.

"What the hell are yall doing to my baby?" She walked over to MacKenzie and picked her up.

"She in training." Candi said.

"She fake as hell." Shareika said in reference to MacKenzie stopping her crying as soon as Nicki rescued her.

"Training for what?" Nicki looked at them crazy.

"To crawl." They said in unison.

"You psychotic bitches stay away from my baby." Nicki said then looked at an angry MacKenzie. She had her lip poked out. "Ain't that right, Kenny."

"Mmm." MacKenzie replied and they all began laughing.

"She got too much attitude to be five months." Candi laughed.

"Yo, yall wanna see some funny shit?" Nicki asked.

"Yeah." Shareika replied.

"Ok." She walked over to one of the beds and laid MacKenzie down. "Yall know that Liar, Liar movie?"

"When he can't lie for a day or some shit like that?" Candi asked.

"Yeah, and you know the whole claw part?" She pulled up her sleeves.

"Yeah." Shareika looked at her funny.

"Ok, watch this." She cleared her throat and formed a clawed with her hand. "Its the claw!"
She said in a deep voice like Jim Carey as she placed her hand over MacKenzie's face. When she pulled away MacKenzie kicked and smiled hard. She did it again.

"Its the clawwwww!" This time when she pulled away MacKenzie laughed. She laughed hard enough to cause herself to snort which scared her. She jumped and looked at Nicki like she was searching for answers. They all began laughing hysterically.

"Yo, I didn't even know babies could snort." Shareika laughed.

"She so fucking goofy." Nicki laughed and
picked up MacKenzie who was smiling again.

"What Safaree come over here bitching for?" Shareika asked.

"I don't wanna talk about it, none of it." Nicki looked back and forth from her two friends.

"Ok." They said in unison and agreed.

"Is Caiah ok?" Candi asked.

"Yeah, he was just checking in." All of a sudden she felt a wave of sickness rush over her. "Take her."

Nicki rushed to the nearest bathroom and began throwing up. She knew she needed to eat something soon. She frowned as she flushed the toilet before making her way to her bathroom to shower and brush her teeth again. She cursed Safaree out, even though he was no where around, for leaving her with the baby while she had a hangover. After showering and getting dressed she started to go check on MacKenzie but her phone began to ring, it was her mother. She answered.

"Hello?"

"What's wrong?"

"What are you talking about?" Nicki asked confused.

"I had a dream a few nights ago and now I have this weird feeling. What's wrong?"

"What was the dream about?"

"What's wrong?"

"Ma."

"Nicki."

"Mother."

"Onika Tanya." She said sternly.

"I put Safaree out the other day."

"Because?"

"He cheated on me. . .with Stephanie."

"Oh, baby, come home. You wanna come home?"

"Ma, I'm a big girl." She laughed a little. "Besides, the girls flew out to visit."

"Nicki, don't go listening to the of others when it comes to your marriage."

"I'm not." She huffed.

"You guys can get through this."

"Get through what? We're done." She lied. She knew deep down that if there was a logical reason to take Safaree back then she would probably do it. Her mother laughed. "What's funny?"

"You don't just throw away something like marriage because of a mistake Onika."

"How do you mistakenly have sex outside of your marriage, Ma?"

"Do you know all that your father put me through?"

"He had an addiction, he was sick, its different."

"It is different. Me and your fathers relationship was worst. He put hands on me, cursed at me, stole from us Onika and-"

"So, because he's not stealing from me or that other stuff I should stay with him?" She asked with a hint of attitude.

"No, but you should realize that the love will outweigh it."

"It won't."

"You don't know that yet."

"Listen, I have to go, MacKenzie is crying in the other room." She lied.

"Bye, Nicki."

"Bye." She hung up.

Nicki walked out of her room and to MacKenzie's. Viola was changing her when Nicki walked in. MacKenzie started kicking from excitement when she saw her mothers face.

"Hi baby girl." She smiled. "What's the damage?"

"Poop. All clean now though." Viola smiled down at MacKenzie. "She's sleepy."

"I'll put her down." Nicki picked her up. That one night away felt like a week to her.

"Where's her pacifier?"

"I haven't seen her with it since she got here."

"Who bought her in?"

"TT."

"TT!" Nicki called out as she walked into the hall. TT stepped out as well.

"What's up?" TT asked.

"Have you seen her pacifier?"

"Nope. It wasn't in the car seat when I took her out. I figured she had more her so I didn't think about it." She shrugged.

"Shit." Nicki said and turned to walk to her room.

"What's wrong?'' TT followed behind Nicki.

"She only takes that pacifier. She probably won't sleep without it." She picked up her phone and dialed Safaree.

"We can't go get another just like it?"

"Its the one we got at the hospital. I don't
know where to find it." She bit her lip and hung up. "Where's her little purple doggy thing?"

"That stuffed animal thing?"

"Yeah, she chews on the ears and falls asleep sometimes."

"Uh, that's not here either."

"Ugh. He did this shit on purpose!" Nicki grew irritated.

"Safaree?"

"Yes. Fucking asshole!" She began texting him knowing that he would still ignore her anyways.

"So, what you wanna do?"

"Imma try to put her to sleep but if she gets fussy we going on a dummy mission to find a pacifier."

"Alright. If you need something let me know." She said before walking out.

Nicki laid on her side and laid MacKenzie on her side as well. Nicki stared into her baby girls big brown eyes and she stared back. Nicki wondered if MacKenzie knew what was going on. MacKenzie began touching Nicki's face as her eyes got heavy. She rested her hand on Nicki's cheek until she fell asleep. Nicki sighed in relief and stared into her daughters small face. She saw hope, love, and purity. All that would come crashing down because of her parents. It broke her heart that her daughter might not know a certain kind of happiness, a certain kind of love because of them. Eventually Nicki's thoughts turned into dreams as she too drifted to sleep.

Nicki walked into Micaiah's room. Micaiah had MacKenzie sitting on his lap while he played his Xbox. Nicki smiled and they rapidly turned their heads to her.

"We just wanna be happy, Mommy." Micaiah said and MacKenzie began crying loud. Nicki tried to walk towards them but she couldn't.

"Mommy." Nicki turned to see a little girl around four. She looked just like her. "Sing to me mommy."

Nicki began singing the song she would sing to MacKenzie while she was pregnant.

"Catch a fallen star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day. ."

Suddenly they were outside in the rain. It was dark. The little girl held Nicki's hand tight until she saw a falling star. She let go and  ran towards a cliff. Nicki screamed.

"Get back here Tuney!" She ran towards her but it was too late. She slowly walked over to the edge and looked down. Micaiah and MacKenzie were slowly falling.

"Its all falling apart Mommy. Fix it!" Micaiah urged. "Its all falling, its falling, we're slipping mommy!"

BOOM!

Nicki jumped up and clutched her heart when she heard the door slam. She looked around but didn't see MacKenzie. She made her way downstairs to find everyone in the living room watching Horton Hears A Who with MacKenzie. Nicki noticed her pacifier in her mouth.

"Where'd she get that?" Nicki asked through a yawn.

"Safaree dropped it off." Candi said.

"Oh." Nicki took a seat on the couch. It got quiet until Nicki broke the silence. "Did he say anything?"

"No, he walked in, placed the bag on the table, and left." Viola said.

"Oh, ok." She turned her attention to the tv and watched the movie, thinking back to when they got it.

"I can't believe you got me at WalMart at two in the morning."

"I really want some sweet corn." Nicki rubbed her big belly as she looked up at the cans.

"That's so random."

"Safaree, if you didn't want to come you could have stayed home!" She nearly yelled.

"Nic, calm down babe." He adjusted Micaiah's arms around his neck before he bent down to kiss her forehead.

"No." She moved away. "You act like I'm a burden on you anytime I need something. You know what? Forget it." She stormed away.

"Nicki, what about the corn?" He walked as quickly as he could with his sleeping nine year old on his back. When he caught up to Nicki she was in the electronics aisle with one hand on her back and the other on her belly. She looked up from the DVDs and smiled.

"Look, Faree, they have all the Dr. Seuss movies," She began picking them up. "Oh, look the classic Disney movies. Aladdin, Little Mermaid. . ." She squealed. "She's going to love these."

"Who?"

"Our baby you moron." She shook her head and walked pass him with a stack of movies. Safaree decided against saying anything to his wife who was eight months pregnant and beyond irritable. They left WalMart that night with 23 DVDs and 7 cds for MacKenzie but no corn. Safaree didn't mind though because Nicki was happy and that was something he hadn't seen in a while.



Candi sat in the waiting room of Nicki's doctors office. She had been sick for a few days so she decided to schedule herself an appointment. When Nicki came out she still looked exhausted and sick like she had earlier. Candi stayed seated while Nicki talked to the receptionist.

"Alright, Can." She smiled small and walked towards the door. Candi followed.

"What'd they say?" Candi asked concerned as they stood by the elevator.

"Two months." She pressed the button for the elevator and it opened instantly.

"For?"

"Nothing, I'm two months along." She pressed the P for parking.

"Like. . .pregnant?"

"Yup." She said nonchalantly.

"Oh. My. Gosh. Congratulations!" She smiled. She really didn't know what else to say.

"This really isn't a Congratulations moment."

"Why not?"  She frowned.

"I just found out my husband was cheating on me right after he accused me of cheating but before he saw me leaving with another man. He's not gonna think this baby is his."

"It is. . .his. . . I mean, I'm not trying to be rude but-"

"Yes, its his! I've never cheated on him!"

"Really, Nic?" She gave her the 'Who you talking to?' look.

"Yes, Candace! The fuck are you talking about?!"

"You know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. You. Webb."

"That was years ago, before we were married."

"Don't play the victim though when you got dirt, too. You need to talk to him."

"Whatever."

Nicki was mad that Candi bought up something old like that. She also knew Safaree wouldn't speak to her. The past few days he would ignore her calls and text but sneak in the house in the middle of the night to check on them. She knew he was checking on her too because she would hear him come in their room at night and feel him touch her cheek before kissing her forehead. She wanted so badly to pull him close but she knew better than to do that out of fear of leading him on because she was still mad and the fear that he would reject her because he was mad. The elevator stopped and they stepped off. Nicki began walking ahead of Candi when she felt a pull on her arm.

"Nic, look, I didn't mean to bring that stuff up. I know how bad you felt about it then with you know but you really need to talk to him."

"You think I haven't tried Candi?" She fought back tears.

"I know, its hard but don't take it out on this one." She placed her hand on Nicki's abdomen. "It didn't ask for this. Besides, you went from struggling to conceive to having two blessings back to back. That's what you have to celebrate."

"You're right." She smiled as the tears ran down. "I'm going to have another little blessing."

"It makes sense though." She hooked arms with Nicki and began walking.

"What?"

"Why MacKenzie been clinging to you."

"You think she knows?"

"She probably sense something different. When my cousin had her boys back to back it was like that. Man Man wouldn't leave her alone."

"Aw, my babies are friends." She smiled.

"I doubt it. MacKenzie is your child which means she probably hella territorial."

"Whatever." Nicki laughed.

"And you been eating mad weird shit lately." They laughed. Nicki glanced behind her at a familiar parking space.


*One Year Ago*

Nicki and Safaree walked hand in hand to their car. The past few months had been really good for them. Nicki finally brought her attention back to Safaree and he did the same. They were so in tune with each other that they were finally able to conceive a child and have nothing go wrong. They had just confirmed that Nicki was three months pregnant with the doctor. They would treat Nicki like a high risk pregnancy , just because she had lost a child previously, but that was the only bad news they'd received.

"I can't believe we're having a baby."  Nicki said as Safaree opened her door.

"Believe it baby." He smiled and pecked her lips. He helped her in before closing door and getting in on the other side.

"OH. MY. GOD!" She began to tear up. "This is really happening."

"I know." He smiled. They stared at each other for a minute just smiling.

"I know we look so stupid right now just grinning and shit." She was still smiling while she looked over his face.

"You," He placed his hand on her cheek. "You could never look stupid." They locked into a passionate kiss, barely breathing.

"Put your seat back." Nicki pulled away and smirked.

He smiled, "Here?"

"Yup."

He watched her pull her thong down from under her dress while he moved the seat back a little then reclining it. She climbed over to the drivers side and straddled him before resuming their make out session. She left enough room between them so that she could work on his belt. She pulled him out in one swift motion and wasted no time sliding down onto him slowly. They both moaned out until she reached base. Nicki locked her fingers behind his head and looked into his eyes.

"I love you." She said.

"I love you more."  He said before kissing her.

Nicki began rocking back and forth as his lips moved lower. Safaree didn't know if it was because she was pregnant or just really excited but she was extremely wet and it turned him on more. He rested his hands on her hips and rocked her back and forth faster.

"Damn." Safaree grunted.

"Faree, I, I. ." She panted.

"Let it happen baby."

"I gotta throw up!" 

She pulled the handle on the door and leaned out. Safaree held her by the waist with one hand and quickly gathered her hair with the other as she vomited. She sat back up, closed the door and frowned.

"I'm sorry." She looked away.

"Its fine."  She felt him going soft and knew the moment was ruined.

"I'm so embarrassed."

"You're pregnant!" He reminded her with a smile.

"I love you."

"I love you too. Funky breath and all."

"Asshole!" She hit him and climbed back over to her seat.


Safaree glanced at his phone to see Nicki calling him again. He didn't understand how he was the one who fucked up so bad but she was chasing him. He didn't want to speak to her or see her because he knew her better than herself and the hurt in her eyes and voice was too much. Even through her yelling and screaming he knew how she felt. He also knew that she hadnt cheated. Nicki was never the type to cheat. She knew what she had and if she wanted something new she would just go get it, no lies, no bs. He looked at his phone as a text message came threw. He began reading them from most recent to oldest.

Wifey: I need to talk to you.
Wifey: You really ignoring me like I fucked up when it was you!Wifey: Call your son
Wifey: do you have her medicine?
Wifey: Call me
Wifey: Let me find out you did this shit on purpose
Wifey: & her purple dog
Wifey: I need you to bring her pacifier
Wifey: no matter what, I love you

He sighed loudly and looked across the room at nothing. How did he let what was important slip away? For what? He knew it was stupid but he originally just started a flirting relationship with Stephanie to grab Nicki's attention but it didn't work. All she was focused on was making a baby, even work had taken a backseat. Eventually flirting went further and further until he was sitting in a cold clinic one morning with his nanny. His phone buzzed and he looked at it.

Wifey: I really need to talk to you. Grow tf up!
Fareeeee: Wut?
Wifey: I'm pregnant

Nicki put her phone down and picked Mackenzie's spoon back up. She was now whining and hitting the table.

"Ok, ok." Nicki said as she scooped up some peas and pushed it into MacKenzie's mouth. She began kicking her feet with excitement.
"Why do you like this?" Nicki scrunched up her face and MacKenzie screamed. "Ok, geesh, you're so freaking demanding."

"You're no longer considered a ladybug. You are officially a Barb because you treat me just like them. If you wasn't my child I'd exile you." Mackenzie screamed again. She frowned and began feeding her. Her phone began ringing moments later.

"Hello." She answered without looking at the name.

"Come outside." His voice surprised her. She hadn't expected to hear from him.

"Ok." She called out for one of the girls to come sit with MacKenzie before making her way to his car. She pulled the door open and got in the car with him. They both just looked straight ahead and said nothing for a minute. Nicki finally spoke.

"Its yours." She said with no emotion, just looking straight ahead.

"I know." His emotionless voice matched hers.

"Sooo."

"I'm sorry, Nic. I never wanted-"

"You don't owe me any apologies, excuses, none of that."

"I do and-"

"Well, I don't wanna hear them." She said coldly before letting out a long sigh. "Look, their calling it a high risk pregnancy only because of the previous miscarriages and I just had a baby. Everything looks fine now but I gotta keep the stress to a minimum."

"So you want me to stay away or some shit? I'm not just leaving my kids."

"The opposite." She took a deep breath. "I need you to move back in here and act like everything is fine. Explaining this to Micaiah and my family would be too much. And on top of that I need help with Kenzie."

"Ok."

"I'm not doing this for you nor am I trying to work this shit out. I just want to keep all my kids happy for as long as I can and deliver this one healthy."

"Ok."

"The girls leave tomorrow and Micaiah comes back in two days so-"

"I'll be by tomorrow afternoon."

"Ok."

She got out the car without saying goodbye. When she made it in the house she felt a sense of control. She hoped that the situation would work out for the best and not explode in her face like her marriage had. She looked out the window nearest to the front door to see Safaree's car still parked outside. She shook her head.

"Now the nigga feeling sorry for his self." She laughed and shook her head before going to find her baby. She decided against telling her friends about her decision because she didn't want to hear their opinions. She knew that this was the easiest and simplest way to handle the situation, for now.








Please excuse any weird formatting, typos, and italicized things. I wrote this on Microsoft Word on my phone and tried to copy and paste but it got all weird so, yeah.