Love & War Pt. 1

After putting their belongings away in their island bungalows, all the couples made their way to the gazebo. A wooden walkway from the beach lead them to the gazebo that was surrounded by water. Inside the gazebo there were pillows laid in a circle and in the circle was a table that had three boxes on top of it. Safaree and Nicki made their way to the two pillows that had small cards on them that said 'Samuels' and took their seat on them as they seen the rest of the couples doing.

Nicki sat Indian style and rested her elbow on her knee and chin on her closed fist as she looked across the water. Safaree was engaging in conversation with an older couple but Nicki zoned everyone out. The group began to silence when two middle aged women took their positions in the center next to the table.

"Hello." One of the women spoke. "My name is Tina."

"And I am Amelia." The other spoke. "Welcome to the Lost In Love Couples Retreat."

"We are both directors of your activities as well as couples therapist. We don't believe in the long boring lectures so we'll just get started right away." Tina said smiling.

"Now, before you took your seat I'm sure you noticed the small cards with your last names on them. Sometime tonight, not necessarily now, you will place that card into one of these three boxes. We ask that you not communicate with your partner in which box to choose. Decide on your own." Amelia said.

"Each box represents what stage you feel you are in as a couple. The green is for those who are here simply to get away and keep the passion alive. The yellow is for those who feel change that they don't like. The red is for the couples who have completely come to a stand still as a couple. If you are in red, your communication is gone, the passion isn't there, this is you last hope." Tina's eyes locked with Nicki's. Her body language read that she didn't care but her eyes had a certain vulnerability.

"In the event that you and your partner pick different boxes, we will choose you activities based on the least desired box. For example, if husband picks green but wife chooses yellow then you guys will receive yellow activities."

"So, like we said, you guys have all night to come back and place your cards in. It is important that you put it in by tonight so that we know where to place you for activities tomorrow." Amelia said.

"Other than that you are welcome to explore the island or whatever you want." Tina smiled and walked away with Amelia following close behind.

"Put yours in green, Safaree." Nicki said lowly to him. She assumed that red activities would be ones that would have them together all the time and she didn't wanna be bothered.

"Nah, Imma-"

"Just do what the fuck I said. Shit!" She stood and went to put hers in the green box and then made her way to their room.


Nicki held her phone in the air and searched for a signal but she couldn't find one. She huffed. She hadn't talked to her kids in almost three days now and she was beginning to rack her brain about everything that could possibly go wrong. When Safaree finally re-entered the room after being gone for a few hours she dropped her arm and watched him. He didn't even speak to her. Just walked into the bathroom. She followed him and stood in the doorway.

"Where were you?"

"Out." He pulled out his shaving kit.

"Did you put your card in the green?"

"Nope."

"Why the fuck not?!"

"Cause we ain't good, Nicki!"

"Safaree, I-" She was cut off by a knock on the door. She walked to the door and opened it without asking who it was. She was greeted by Tina.

"Hello, Nicki." She smiled. "May I come in?"

"Sure." She looked at her confused as she stepped aside.

"Is Safaree here?"

"Hey. I'm right here." He entered.

"Good." She smiled. "So, we just sorted through the boxes and although you won't be receiving your retreat activities, you will begin a healing process tonight."

"I'm sorry." Nicki smiled. "But its late and-"

"Its never too late to save a marriage." Tina matched Nicki's fake happy. "Now, since one of you put your card in the red-"

"What?!" Nicki said. "Safaree."

"Nicki." He looked at her angrily.

"Let's not get worked up. Not tonight." Tina laughed. "Now, since you guys are in the red you will be spending your nights apart. Actually, the only times when you will be together is during your planned activities. Unlike the rest of the couples, red couples receive a new schedule everyday which is based on the progress that you made the night before."

"So, is one of us getting a new room? Which one?" Safaree asked.

"Yes and it's up to you guys." She glanced between the two off them. She could tell that Nicki was stubborn by the way she looked off with her arms folded across her chest.

"I'll go." Safaree sighed.

"Ok." She smiled. "I'll be waiting for you outside. I'll walk you over to your bungalow."

Nicki and Safaree didn't speak a word to each other as he repacked his things. He could feel her staring at him but every time he looked up she pretended to be looking outside or on her phone. Before he walked out he placed his hand on her abdomen and told his child goodnight. As soon as she got up from the bed to go watch him outside from the window there was a knock on the door. She opened it thinking that it was Safaree but it was a younger guy.

"Hello, Mrs. Samuels."

"Hi." She looked at him weirdly and keep her hand and foot on the door in case she had to quickly close it.

"Oh, I'm Rashad. I came to drop off your first assignment from Dr. Gunner."

"Um, Dr. Gunner?"

"Tina." He smiled.

"Oh. What is it?"

"A video. I have to come in and set up the camera."

"Oh. Ok."

She moved aside and let him in. After he had finished setting up the camera he handed her a note and walked out. The note instructed her to answer the written questions verbally on video. It asked that she answered all questions honestly for herself. Nicki sighed and sat in front of the camera.

"Who are you?" She read and then looked up at the camera.

"Um, I'm Onika. . . Samuels." She sighed. "I'm a mother, daughter, friend and. . . a wife?" She said more as a question.

"Why are you here?" She read.

'Because I obviously don't have anything better to do." She mumbled. "Erm, I'm here because my brother paid for my husband and I's packages and plane tickets like months ago. If I would have known then what I know now I wouldn't be here. Now, I'm forced to face our demons. . .work on our marriage."

Nicki continued to read and answer the questions. By the time she was half way through she was in tears and continued to cry until the end. She cut the camera off and put it in the bag before placing it outside her door like the note instructed. She climbed into the bed and placed pillows all around her. She closed her eyes and rubbed her hand over her very small bump until she feel asleep.


Nicki was awoken by a knock on the door. When she opened it there was a dvd placed in front of the door with the words 'Watch Me then come to Bungalow 1'. She picked it up then entered the room and put it on. It was Safaree and he had answered the same questions as her. She tried to ignore it but she couldn't.

"Where do you think things went wrong?" He read.

"I don't even know. I guess when I decided to become less of a man. My wife lost our child and instead of me being there for her I blamed her sorta and I distanced myself from her. When she didn't come see why I was hurting I cheated. I don't even," He sighed. "I fucked up. She never asked anything of me but. . . I fucked up. I try to be mad at her for not forgiving me but I'm mad at myself. We lost our child, our trust, our happiness and I wasn't there for her. I fucked up." He wiped the single tear that fell and shut off the camera. He didn't even finish answering the questions. 

Nicki had only seen him cry twice in her life and that was when one of his close friends and grandfather died. Her heart hurt for him. The fact that he shed tears for her, for their dying relationship meant a lot to her but would it be enough?

She got up and got ready for the day. As she made the walk to the bungalow she was beginning to grow both anxious and nauseous. She was anxious to see Safaree and the nausea could be contributed to the smell of the salt water. Pregnancy was usually something that was easy for her but she could tell that this baby would be difficult. When she reached the bungalow she heard Tina's voice telling her to enter. It was an office with a couch. Safaree stood when he saw her and sat at the same time as her.

"Safaree and I were just talking about your video." Tina smiled.

"You showed him?" Nicki asked with an attitude. Of course she knew he had seen it because she had watched his but subconsciously she hoped to cause Tina problems in hopes of avoiding the real issue.

"Safaree, how about you tell Nicki what you told me?" Tina ignored Nicki's tactic and Nicki became visibly annoyed.

"Yeah, um," He turned to her. "I knew how you felt but I didn't really know. I mean, that shit about me leaving. . ." He shook his head. "I can't leave you guys."

"Just step out every once in a while?" She asked sarcastically.

"See?!" Safaree looked at Tina and she nodded.

"Nicki," Tina turned her head to Nicki. "Why won't you let Safaree in?"

"What?" She asked with an attitude.

"Nicki, we can play games all day but that won't fix anything."

"Who said-"

"You. The way you act towards that man shows that you aren't done." Nicki didn't reply. "So, what is it?"

"I hate him." Nicki said.

"Do you?" Tina asked.

"No, but I want to." She looked at Safaree with tears in her eyes. "I trusted you Safaree. You knew how long it took to build what we had and you just threw it away. And everybody on the outside looking in just see's me being a bitch to you but I have reasons."

"I know." He said.

"No you don't." She sniffled and wiped her tears. "I don't think you ever will. Like, to lose a child is one thing but to lose two and do it alone. You chose to get your dick wet over holding me as I cried myself to sleep. Through everything, I've never placed any one human being, beside our kids, above you."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry isn't good enough!' She raised her voice.

"Well, what do you want?!"

"Us." She cried. "The old us."

The session continued for another hour before Tina sent them to their rooms with notebooks. Their homework was to write down everything, good and bad, that they had never said to each other. Both Safaree and Nicki knew that they weren't fixed but they were taking steps in the right direction at the moment and that felt good.