Never Told

Nicki walked out of the gas station carrying a bag of snacks for their road trip. They still hadn't made it out of the state of California but they would be soon. Nicki climbed into the backseat and closed the door before looking at MacKenzie and smiling. They both wore a pair of jean shorts, white tanks, and cowboy boots. Micaiah said it was lame but Nicki thought they were cute. She snapped a picture of MacKenzie, made a quick collage of both of their outfits and uploaded it onto her Instagram. Nicki glanced over to the building where Safaree had disappeared behind the building to take a phone call then turned her attention to Micaiah who was sat in the front seat.

"Whatcha listening to Caiah?" She pulled his left earphone out.

"J. Cole."

"Should've known." She laughed. Micaiah was very intellectually mature for his age and would only listen to music that he thought had meaning. Nicki found this to be a very endearing quality of his. "What song?"

"Never Told."

"Never heard it. Let me see." She held out her hand and he looked hesitant to hand over his iPod. "Come on."

"Here."

He pulled the other ear bud out, started the song over, then handed it to her. She bite her lip and listened to the subject matter of the song. At first she was about to scold Micaiah for not having the clean version of the song but a few lines in the first verse caught her attention. She stared at the side of his face while the song continued to play. When it was over she pulled the headphones out and extended her arm for Micaiah to take it.

"Here." Once he had it she opened the car door and got out, slamming it closed and waking MacKenzie. She walked up to the gas station and rounded the corner where Safaree was.

"I was thinking-" He saw Nicki approaching and spoke. "Here I come." She smacked him. "Mr. Douglas, I have to go." He hung up. "The fuck is your problem?!"

"He knows!" She went to slap him again but he grabbed her hand.

"Who? What are you-" She snatched her hand away.

"He knows!" She had tears in her eyes as she pushed him before storming back to the car. She got into the front seat and locked the doors and started the car. "Put on your seat belt."

"But-"

"Put on your seatbelt, Micaiah!" She yelled at him through her tears and sped off. MacKenzie was screaming at the top of her lungs and Micaiah had tears in his eyes but she didn't notice as she did ninety down the highway crying.

"Ma." Micaiah said but she kept driving. "Mama, please, lets go back."

She was really scaring him but she didn't notice. She just wanted to get as far away from Safaree as quickly as she could before attempting murder. The last thing in their relationship that she thought was salvageable wasn't.

"Mommy! Stop, you're scaring me!"

She glanced at him then slowed down before she pulled over and just stared ahead. Her chest quickly rose and fell as the tears continued to fall. She looked over at her sons tear stained face.

"I'm sorry." She cried and opened her arms to him.

They pulled each other into an embrace and both cried. She rubbed his head and apologized over and over. Nicki released him and reached into the back and unbuckled MacKenzie and pulled her to the front. Just like her brother, her breathing was hitched. Of course MacKenzie didn't know exactly what was going on but she felt the tension and the negativity. Nicki continued to kiss, hug, and apologize to her children until both she and them had completely calmed down. She put Mackenzie back and then drove back to the gas station. When she pulled up Safaree was sitting on the curb by the door. Safaree got up and walked around and opened the driver side door.

"Nicki, I-"

"Just get us home." She said dryly before getting out and getting into the back seat again.




 They had been home for a few days and little had changed. Nicki didn't speak a word to Safaree and Micaiah spoke very few to him. He wasn't trying to take sides but he could see that his mother was hurting and his father was the source. The only reason Safaree hadn't left or been put out was because Micaiah begged them not to get a divorce. It hurt both Nicki and Safaree to see him hurt but Nicki couldn't stop being mad.

Nicki and Micaiah laid in bed watching the original Karate Kid and eating ice cream. Today was Mommy and son day as well as Daddy and daughter day. Nicki and Safaree had decided a while back to devote a whole day out of each month to giving each child personal time. Micaiah said he wanted to spend the day being lazy while Safaree took MacKenzie to her first infant swimming class and to see the re-release of Cinderella. He didn't want to go but he figured he'd get practice in for when she got older and wanted to drag him to those kind of movies.

"Ew." Micaiah looked at Nicki who had just put a spoonful of peanut butter ice cream on her pickle and took a bite.

"Its good." She said covering her mouth while she chewed. She swallowed before talking again. "Wanna try?"

"No." He scrunched up his nose. "You keep eating weird stuff like before you had Kenzie." He turned his attention back to the movie but Nicki kept staring at him. He turned to her again. "What?"

"Um, I have to ask you something." She paused the movie and looked at him.

"What?"

She took a deep breath, "How do you feel about Kenzie?"

"I love her. That's my sister."

"I know but before we had her you said you didn't want her."

"That was along time ago. I love her now." He shrugged.

"And if we had another baby?"

"I'd love it, too."

"Really?" She smiled.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Because we're having another baby." She smiled as his eyes lite up.

"Really?!" He placed his hand on her stomach and frowned. "Make it move how you did Kenz."

"Well, it hasn't started moving like that yet. Sometimes I feel her, I think, but it's not like that."

"When's it gonna get here?"

"January 1st."

"Cool! That's you and Daddy's anniversary, right?"

"Yeah." Her smile began to fade but she forced it back.

"Can we take pictures of your stomach each month like last time?" Nicki nodded and he jumped up and ran out to go get the camera. Nicki smiled at his excitement.

Once he exited the room her phone began to ring. She looked at the screen to see her brothers name. She answered.

"Hello."

"Yo, you packed?"

"For?"

"Couples Retreat. Its in two weeks but you know how you are with packing." He laughed.

"Oh, Jay, we won't be able to make it."

"You sure cause Safaree just said that yall was coming and Mama said yall need it so. . ."

"Wait. She said that? Why would she-"

"Ma and Pops keeping the kids. Said they might take em on a cruise if you get em to New York by next week."

"But-"

"Nic, you know mama is not gone hear nothing about you saying them kids can't go. You gone piss her off if she gotta fly all the way there to come get them."

She huffed, "Fine. I'll call her and find out when to take them but I'm not going to that retreat."

"Come on, Nicki. I already payed for the tickets and the packages."

"Jelani, I'll give you the money back. I don't wanna go."

"Its not about the money." He sighed and began to whisper. "Look, if yall don't come then the only other couple Tiffany wanna invite is her cousin and her broke ass nigga. I can't stand that bitch or him."

"Jelani!" Nicki heard his wife call his name. She had obviously heard his opinions on her cousin despite his attempt to hide it.

"What?! I'm talking to my sister. Damn." He huffed.

"Lani, I'm sorry but-"

"You and SB probably going through yall tic for tat little bullshit but you gotta come."

"Jelani."

"I'll get you your own room."

"Jelani." She whined.

"Onika."

"Ughhhh! I want my own room, don't sit me next to that nigga on the plane or matter of fact, I don't wanna be anywhere near him at all. Got it?"

"Damn, what he do?"

"Business."

"Huh?"

"Mind your own."

"Fine." He huffed. "I'll talk to you later though, sis."

"Alright. I love you."

"Yeah, you too." She shook her head at him not saying it back as she hung up. As soon as she hung the phone up, Safaree entered the room with MacKenzie.

"We back." He said.

"Hi Kenzie Cat!" She smiled big and opened her arms. Safaree handed her over. "Mommy missed you little girl."

"Nic, um, we need to talk."

"What'd you do today Mookie Moo? Did you go swimming?" She continued bouncing MacKenzie and playing with her.

"Nicki." He sighed.

"You gonna show me what you learned when you take your bath?"

"Damn it, Nicki! You hear me talking to you." He said angrily.

"What do you want, Safaree?" She finally looked at him.

"Nevermind. Fuck it."

"No, say what you gotta say."

"Nah. You good. I'm over begging you for your forgiveness and attention. You wanna be bitter and not solve anything so do you."

"Safa-"

"No!" His face was in a complete frown. "I'm done!"

He disappeared into the closet. When he didn't return for a few minutes she moved all of her and Micaiah's snacks and laid MacKenzie in the center of the bed. She walked into the closet to see him packing.

"What are you doing?"

"What it look like?"

"But, but you promised that-"

"This shit ain't gone work." He angrily stuffed his clothes into the bag.

"Safaree." She grabbed his arm and he snatched away.

"Every time I think we getting close to working shit out you blow up. I've apologized time and time again but it's never enough."

"Safaree, you can't leave." She had tears in her eyes. She wanted to be mad, she earned that right, but she wasn't ready for him to go. He moved to the other side of the closet and began stuffing another bag.

"Our son is breaking down and shit." He shook his head. "This ain't good for nobody, Nicki."

"After all you put me though, after all we've been through. . .you're just, you're just gonna leave me like I'm the bad guy?" She sniffled and he ignored her. "Safaree!"

She pushed him but he continued to pack. She screamed his name louder and he turned to face her. She began punching him in the chest but he was unmoved. She fell into his chest and began to cry. He wrapped his arms around her and they both slide to the floor.

"Nicki, I have to go. We both knew this wasn't gonna work. Imma just give you some space."

"I don't want-"

"But you need it. I know where I wanna be but I can't be there alone. Figure out what you wanna do. Not for the kids, not for me, not for appearances but for you."

He moved her off of his lap and stood. Nicki just watched him in defeat. She had finally pushed him too far. She tried to open her mouth to say something, anything but the words wouldn't come out. He picked up his bags and walked out of the closet. He kissed MacKenzie, who was now sleeping, on the forehead and then made his way to Micaiah's room. He placed his bags by the door then knocked.

"Come in."

"Sup man."

"You said you were gonna stay." He had heard the entire argument up until he heard his mother begin to cry.

"I'm not leaving. I have business in New York."
"I'm not stupid." He starred at his father.

He sighed, "I'm just going to leave for a couple of days and I'll come back and try again. I'm not giving up. I love you guys."

"Don't worry. I'm used to it."

"Huh?"

"First mommy left, now you. I'll be ok."

"Micaiah, I'll be back. I'm not-"

"Its fine. Really."

Safaree sighed and kissed his son's forehead. He didn't know what else to do. If he stayed he and his family were miserable and if he left it was the same thing. When he reached the door that led to the garage he couldn't bring himself to turn the knob to walk out. He saw his biggest fear coming true right before his eyes, becoming his father. He sighed and turned away from the door. He wasn't ready, just yet, to give up on his family.







1) Go listen to Never Told by J. Cole. http://m.youtube.com/index?&desktop_uri=%2F#/watch?v=3r_w3tGLzcc 2) S/o to @Flymuthaphunker for the retreat idea. It'll be in the next post which will happen by Sunday. 3) Watch AI tonight 4) COMMENT 5) Thanks :)