Nicki walked side by side with the little girl who had been appearing in her dreams. Usually she wore black but today she had on an all white dress with pink shoes. Another little girl walked a couple feet ahead of them. She looked as though she was searching for something.
"You're doing good." The eight year old remarked to Nicki.
"Huh?"
"I thought for a minute that everything was gonna fall apart."
"You know, you should really stay outta grown folks business." Nicki said.
"Grown ups are dumb. You guys think you know everything but you never pay attention to what's important."
"I can't find her." The three year old ran towards the eight year old with tears in her eyes. Nicki assumed that they were siblings because they looked just alike.
"Hm." The eight year old thought. "Go in there."
She pointed towards an old train station and they all entered. Something caught the youngest childs attention and she took off running.
"Wait here, please." The eight year old looked worried. She turned her attention to where the child ran. "Hey! Come back!"
As soon as they were out of her sight the building began to shake. Suddenly it seemed like it was hundreds of people all trying to get out. Nicki pulled on a strangers arm.
"What's going on?" Nicki asked in a panic.
"The building. . .its. .its gonna collapse. It isn't stable. It isn't safe!" The lady ran away.
Nicki began pushing through the crowd. She scanned the crowd carefully as she searched for the girls. She spotted the three year old and ran to her.
"Hey, we gotta go." Nicki tried to calm the visibly distraught child.
"I can't find her." She cried.
"Listen to me." Nicki placed her hands on either side of her face and made the child look at her. "I'm going to find her but you need to go. You see that door?"
"Um hmm." She nodded and sniffled.
"Go stand outside and we will be right there."
"Hurry." She hugged Nicki tight before running towards the door as fast as her small legs would allow.
Nicki turned around to see the little girl sat in the middle of the station. Everyone else was gone. She quickly ran to the girl and snatched her up and began pulling her along.
"Are you crazy?" Nicki asked angry and the girl began dragging her feet and pulling away.
"Let me go!" She demanded.
"No! We have to get out of here."
"You don't need me any more. Let me go!" She snatched away and time stopped. Nicki looked at her confused.
"But your my-"
"I'm not your daughter!" She wiped her tears. "She is. She needs you Nicki. Let me go!"
"I-I can't just-"
"You can." She nodded.
Nicki nodded and bent down to face the little girl. They wiped at each others tears and then the little girl kissed Nicki's cheek. Nicki stood.
"I don't wanna see you anymore. Ok? Its not good for you. Let me go. I've been right this whole time so just. . .just listen."
"Ok." Nicki turned and walked out of the building. As soon as she was out it collapsed. 'Ow's' and 'Ah's' filled the crowd as well as screaming and crying. The little girl ran to Nicki and hugged her.
"Mommy!" Nicki picked her up.
"Hi, baby. You did good." She smiled.
"Where's Nicki?" She slid down Nicki's legs and looked around.
"Don't call me Nicki. Its Mommy."
"Nooo, Nicki. My friend. She helped me find you when I got lost."
"You mean-" Nicki began to breath hard. She tried to catch her breath but she couldn't. She felt herself falling.
Nicki woke up and clutched her chest. Her mouth was dry, she was sweaty, and breathing hard. She threw her legs over the bed and put on her robe and some shoes. Something in her wanted nothing more than to be by Safaree's side.
She walked along the dark beach alone. Suddenly she regretted leaving her bungalow alone in the middle of the night. Safaree seemed so far away in the night. The waves crashing upon the shore no longer seemed comforting. When she thought she heard someone behind she instantly began running.
"Nicki!" She felt a pull on her arm and turned to face her brother.
"You scared the shit outta me!" She hit him.
"Why are you out here alone? Where's Safaree?"
"I'm going to his bungalow now. He doesn't know I'm coming."
"Wait. Yall got seperate-"
"We're a red couple. Where's Tiffany?"
"Oh. Let me go get her. We'll walk you over."
Nicki waited impatiently for her brother and his wife to come back into view. When they approached she took note of her sister-in-law being wrapped in a towel and her brother carrying her swimsuit. Nicki smirked.
"I know yall didn't-"
"Nicki." Her brother said. His wife simply blushed.
"On the beach, Jay? Yall nasty." She laughed and he pushed her lightly.
"Stop." She whined and pushed him back harder.
"Come on now, Onika." He warned her. It didn't matter how old they got, she was still the annoying younger sister.
"Or what?" She pushed his head. "Stop being a-"
In one swift motion he picked her up and ran towards the water. His wife called after him to stop but he couldn't hear her over Nicki's screams.
"Say sorry." He demanded.
"No." She giggled.
"Imma throw yo ass in this water." He leaned their bodies foward.
"No! Please, no, Jay." She begged.
"Say it."
"I'm sorry."
"What else?" He said.
"Huh?"
"Like when we was kids."
"Are you fucking serious?" She asked with an attitude. "Put me down nigga."
"Say it or. . ."
"Jay is king." She mumbled.
"Louder."
"Jay is king and Onika is his peasant!" She screamed loudly.
"That's right." He walked over to the sand and put her down. She punched him in his chest once her feet were planted.
It took all of five minutes to make it to Safaree's bungalow and Nicki couldn't wait to get inside. She was so tired all the time with this pregnancy. They approached the door and Nicki knocked.
"Who is it?" Safaree asked sleepily.
"Its me, Far-" Before she could finish he snatched the door open with a panicked look on his face.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing." She turned to face her brother and his wife. "Thanks guys."
"No problem." Tiffany smiled.
"Night." Her brother said then began walking away.
"Night." Nicki and Safaree said in unison before entering the bungalow.
"What are you doing, Nicki." He looked at her funny as she sat on the side of the bed and took off her shoes.
"About to go to sleep." She pulled off her robe and tossed it onto a chair.
"Nicki, I would've came to you."
"But you didn't. I came here." She laid down. "Now, turn off the light and come hold us."
He sighed and shook his head at her demanding nature before doing exactly what was told. He laid beside her and pulled her close. He rubbed her stomach and talked to his unborn child until he heard his wife's faint snores. He pulled her in a little closer and held her a little tighter while he thanked God for the progress that they'd made.
"Safareeee." Nicki groaned and wiggled in his arms, pulling him from his thoughts.
"Hmm?"
"Too tight." She loosened his arms and then fell back asleep. He laughed a little before continuing his conversation with the most high.
Nicki and Safaree walked to Tina's office bungalow for their session. Tina smiled as they sat closer to each other than they usually did.
"How are you guys?" Tina asked.
"Like, a million times better than when we came." Nicki said and glanced at Safaree then back to Tina. "Its not perfect though."
"It never will be. Sometimes, you just love someone so much that you over look the imperfections. How was your evening together yesterday?"
"Good." Safaree said. "Its just. . ." He looked at Nicki.
"Go ahead Safaree." Tina said.
"It just seems like we always end up in these awkward moments."
"You will have those. You guys are relearning each other, getting to know each other again. You have to push through those moments though. Don't let them discourage you."
"Ok."
"So, today I want you guys to spend the day together." She handed Safaree a brochure. "You guys have all the freedom of the green couples today. Try to do at least two activities today and meet here tomorrow for our final session."
"Thank you." Nicki stood.
"Have fun guys and keep in mind all the progress you've made and the things you learned."
"Ok. Bye." Nicki smiled.
"See you tomorrow." Safaree waved and followed behind Nicki.
"Bye."
"Lets see." Nicki said looking at the brochure. "Yoga?"
"Nope." Safaree said walking beside her on the beach.
"Dancing?"
"Nope."
"Hmm. Painting?"
"No."
"Fishing?"
"Give it here." He took the brochure and looked it over. "Why you only say the boring stuff?"
"I was getting to the other stuff. . .eventually."
"Passion party?"
"No." She laughed.
"Why?"
"We need to get back to a passionate place first buddy."
"Jet skiing."
"Hell no!"
"Why? Come on, Nic. It'll be just like when you used to ride on the back of my bike."
"On water though, Safaree."
"We gone get life vest."
"I'm pregnant."
"That don't have shit to do with shit." He stopped walking and turned her to face him. He poked his lip out. "I'll go slow."
"Fine. Just don't ever make that ugly ass face again." She laughed.
"Yesssss!"
"Alright. Go put on your trunks and meet me at my room."
"Aight."
Fifteen minutes later Nicki stood in the mirror frowning at her midsection. Her stomach had yet to harden but she was gaining weight like crazy. A knock came on the door.
"Come in."
Safaree walked in and looked at her funny.
"Yo, why you ain't come open the door? I coulda been a killer."
"Please." She rolled her eyes. "I know that loud ass, obnoxious knock anywhere."
"You ready?"
"No." She moved pass him and grabbed her laptop and handed it to him. "I can't go jet skiing. I could hurt the baby." She looked at him as he read the information she pulled up. "Besides, I look disgusting."
"We can find something else to do." He closed the laptop. "You look fine though, Nic."
"No, I don't. I've almost gained nine pounds, Safaree. NINE POUNDS!"
He sighed, "You don't have another one you like?"
"Its not the swimming suit, Safaree. Its my fat ass!"
"Nicki, you don't look fat." He smiled. "But, lets just go grab lunch or something, chill out on the beach or something and then go to the outdoor movie. Ok?"
"Fine." She pouted and disappeared into the bathroom.
"I'll be back in ten minutes." He called out before leaving.
A few hours had past and the sun was now setting. Nicki and Safaree sat side by side watching it on the beach. The day went well minus the small argument that they had a little while ago which caused Nicki to walk away from Safaree. After waiting for her to return for a while he went after her. They had been sat in this same spot for almost twenty minutes in silence.
Nicki sighed, "I'm sorry."
"You good." He kept his eyes on the water but she stared at his profile.
"No, I'm not, Safaree. Its ok for you to either reject or accept my apology. Its like what Tina was saying. If we gone work we gotta start talking shit out. I mean, I tell you how I feel all the time, even though it get me in trouble, I still do. You just keep everything in and then go do something stupid to get back at me."
"Why you wanna work shit out now? What changed?"
"Nothings changed. I just realized some things."
"What?"
She sighed, "I love you. I can't imagine living this life without you right by me. I mean, you're the only love I've had for my adult life and I don't wanna find anyone new. I already tried. Yeah, you fucked up but I mean it was only one fuck up. It was huge but you've forgiven me for plenty of things."
"Most women don't stay with men who've cheated on them."
"Most men don't stay with women who've abandoned their family."
"I'm not most men." He shrugged.
"And I'm not most women. That's why we need each other, Faree."
After sitting through two chick flicks the couple decided to head to sleep. Nicki asked Safaree if she could stay with him for the night and he said yes.
"I'm bout to take a shower." He said as they entered the bungalow.
"Wait. Where you going?" She asked as he began to walk out of the patio door.
"Outdoor shower."
"Oh."
Fifteen minutes later Nicki found herself at the patio door watching him. His butt looked so tight and firm. She thought back to all the times when she would smack it for no reason. She giggled and he turned to look at her.
"I'm sorry." She said. "I just wanted to see what it was about."
"Wanna get in?" He asked.
"Um, sure."
She peeled off her clothes at the door before stepping out. The warm island breeze felt good as it brushed against her skin. She stepped in front of him in the shower. He instantly began washing her body, taking his time as if he were trying to memorize it. She turned around to face him. He looked beautiful under the moonlight and he thought the same of her. They both went in for a kiss. It became passionate quickly and as their breathing increased Nicki's guard began to rise. She pulled away.
"I-I shouldn't ha-"
"No, its fine." He nodded and rubbed her back after pulling her into a hug.
"Everything's so confusing." She cried.
"I know but its gone get better." He looked into her eyes. "Look, finish up and I'll bring you a towel." He reached for his towel and wrapped it around his body before going back in.
After she finished her shower she wrapped her towel around her and went inside. When she went over to the bed she seen the lotion, thong and tee shirt he left out for her.
"Why do you have my underwear perv?" She smirked as she let her towel fall and began applying lotion.
"You left it in my bag from the book tour."
"Oh, yeah."
"You also left this in there." He tossed a small vibrator to her and she began to laugh. "Yo, why you put that stuff in my bag?"
"You can never have too many pairs of underwear and how embarrassing would it be if security checks my bag and pulls that thing out?" She laughed.
"Oh, so I gotta be the one looking crazy?"
"Basically." She turned off the light and found his body in the dark. She wrapped her arms around him and he pulled her close.
"I'm sorry for everything and I accept your apology."
"Me too." She replied.
"I love you." They said in unison.
"I love you, too." They said in unison again and began laughing.
"Don't ever let me go, Faree."
"I won't."
PLEASE READ: Ok, I messed up with the dream sequences and I wanna explain it so that no one is confused. The very first child in the first dream with the cliff is Nicki's supposed child. Could be the new baby, could be MacKenzie or a child she lost already. The next kid appears in the park and is simply Nicki's supressed emotions in the form of her as a child. I didnt do a good job at differentiating the two. Sorry. They both appear in her dreams doing the same things relatively but the eight year old tells Nicki about herself and Nicki sort of needs her, or thinks she needs, to keep those emotions supressed and the three year old needs Nicki. That's all. Sorry again.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Love & War Pt. 2
Safaree made the short walk from his bungalow to the gazebo. When he reached the end he of the walkway he seen a bare foot Nicki approaching. She wore a short, white, strapless, sun dress with her natural hair straight that flowed when the wind blew it. She looked so beautiful to him.
"Hi." She said lowly.
"Hey. What's up?" He replied awkwardly.
"Um, ready?" She asked as she looked him over. The contrast of his skin tone against his khaki shorts and white, short sleeve button up was so sexy to her.
"Yeah."
They walked side by side and entered the gazebo. This gazebo was different from the one that they had been in for their welcome to the retreat. It had a circular bench that went along the entire inside with an orange cushioning to match the orange curtain. Tina was sitting in a chair a few inches away from a section on the bench. They both took a seat in front of her.
"Hello." Tina smiled.
"Hi." They said in unison.
"Do you guys have the assignment?" She asked.
"Yes." They said in unison again. Nicki went into the pocket on her dress and pulled out a piece of paper and Safaree opened his notebook.
"Um, can we ask questions that we never asked before?" Safaree asked.
"Yeah." Nicki chimed in.
"Of course." She smiled. "The only rule is that if you feel yourself getting angry or about to say something hurtful that you go take a walk on the beach then return when calm. Now, who wants to start?"
"I will." Nicki offered and Tina nodded to give her the go ahead. "Um, you were right when you said I always run to Webb when we have problems."
"You love him?" He asked.
"No. . . I mean at one point in time I thought I did but I don't."
"I loved Stephanie. Not how I love you but the feeling I had when I was with her. The allusion of happiness."
Nicki took a deep breath to compose herself before speaking. Hearing him say that he actually loved the womanthat tore her world apart pissed her off.
"I hate your mother. I know me and her are supposed to be building a relationship but I can't stand her."
"I know." He chuckled. "Um, sometimes I think Micaiah is going to be gay. I'm cool with it but-"
"What?!" Nicki laughed. "My son isn't gay."
"He's so sensitive."
"Safaree, you're sensitive too." She smiled. "He's a Pisces. They are in tune with their emotions and what not."
"Nah."
"Bet money." She straighfaced him. "He has a type and everything."
"How you know?"
"At the meet and greets there would be certain women who he'd jump in the pics with and others he'd just be blasé with."
"What's his type?"
"Brown skin, long natural hair, big girls."
"Big girls?" Safaree furrowed his eyebrows and smiled.
"Yup." Nicki smiled. "Anyway, I was the one who flattened your tire a few weeks back when you were staying at the hotel."
"I purposely kept Kenzie's pacifier when I was mad."
"I took a trip with Webb while I was pregnant. . . .with MacKenzie. We didn't do anything. We had separate rooms. We just went as friends."
"I only slept with Stephanie at the house cause I was tryna get caught. I just wanted some type of attention from you."
"Where?"
"Closet. The open condom wrapper sat on the floor for a week and you never noticed."
"I flirt with other guys to make you jealous. Its childish but I don't care."
"It doesn't bother me." He shrugged. "I went to go see Stephanie the night you kicked me out. We didn't have sex or anything. . .just talked."
"Did you want MacKenzie?"
"Not at first. I was just down for having another kid because you wanted one. To be honest, I didn't really appreciate her and love her until I held her."
"There was a time when I thought that Micaiah wasn't yours."
"What?!"
"We had broken up for like two weeks and you weren't answering my calls. Webb was there for me." She looked off. "He's yours Safaree. I just-"
Safaree stood and walked off. He had asked her before if there was any way that Micaiah could belong to someone else and she said no. Nicki stood but Tina stopped her from going after him.
"Leave him, Nicki."
"Why?! I need to-"
"Let him calm down. You guys argue enough. You need to learn to talk to each other. That's why we are doing this exercise."
Nicki huffed and sat down, "Fine."
Safaree returned a few moments later and opened his notebook again. He spoke calmly.
"Almost every time that you've left me with the kids for a couple of days one of them has had to go to the hospital."
They continued to tell each other everything they'd never said and ask all that they wanted to know until they had completed their list. A lot of what they said to each other were small things but Tina pointed out that it was the small things that break relationships. They ended the session with a discussion and were then sent to their bungalows with the instruction of bringing their iPod with them the next day.
The next day they made the same walk to the same gazebo. Tina was sat in the middle was with two pillows and two iPod docks next to her.
"Nicki isn't here?" Safaree asked as he sat on one of the pillows.
"I'm right here." Nicki said as she entered and took her seat. She felt horrible. She had been up all night and morning vomiting.
"Good." Tina said with a smile. "Ok, do you guys have your ipods?"
"Yes." Safaree said.
"Mmhmm." Nicki swallowed hard. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She placed her hand on her stomach instinctively and rubbed it.
"You ok, Nic?" Safaree asked.
"Mmmhmmm." She opened her eyes and pulled off her sunglasses. "Continue please."
"So, in your videos you each stated that music is what bonded you. In this exercise we will try to recreate that bond as well as express how you feel. You are not allowed to speak to one another. The song and lyrics are your voice."
"Ok." Safaree nodded.
"You will each take turns playing a song. It isn't a call and response thing so don't feel that you have to find a song that matches the other persons."
"Ok." Safaree said.
"Begin when you are ready." Tina said.
*Flashback*
"You being dead serious? You think Big is lyrically better than Pac?" Nicki asked. Her and Safaree had just walked from the park and were now sat on her porch.
"Yeah."
"Nah, nigga, you just sayin' that cause you from New York." She laughed. "That's what's wrong with you New York niggas. Yall never wanna give credit where its due."
"I mean, Pac good, he's great but-"
"But what?" She straightfaced him. "Let me blow up and niggas don't show respect."
"What you gone do?" He laughed. "Ain't shit you can do. You gotta look pass the hate and getcho money."
"I guess." She looked across the street at nothing. "I just need shit to work in my favor. I feel like. . .I don't know, it's stupid."
"What?"
She turned to see him staring. His eyes were so welcoming, so trusting. He saw the same thing in her. When she realized that she had been staring she cleared her throat and spoke.
"Since I was little I always would look at celebrities and think like, 'Damn, they don't have a care in the world.' I want that."
"They still human. They got shit going on. Everybody do."
"Yeah, but they ain't stressing over if the lights gone stay on and shit."
"True."
"Anyway, favorite singer?"
"Michael Jackson. I had the leather jacket and glove like him and everything when I was younger. I know all that mans choreography."
"What?!" Nicki laughed.
"Yo, don't laugh." He looked at Nicki who was laughing.
"Ok, ok. My aunt would watch me and we'd listen to Whitney all day when I was younger. God, I love her." She sighed. "I'm more into Lauryn these days."
"So, you like a conscious type rapper."
"Nah." She laughed. "Shits too heavy for me. I like to have fun."
They talked for a little longer until Nicki had to go in. The next day Safaree picked her up and took her to the studio. They rest is history.
"That went well." Nicki said walking on the beach with Safaree. Tina encouraged them to spend the rest of the evening together and to attend the couples bonfire.
"Yeah, once you dropped the attitude."
"One, I didn't find it fair that I couldn't play my songs. Two, that song you played was stupid. Three, I was sick all night."
"You done?"
"Yeah."
"One, the point was to allow someone else to speak for you. Two, you just don't like being told about yourself. Three, you shoulda called for me."
"I couldn't call for you. We're not supposed to be together at night."
"Nicki, we grown as fuck." He laughed. "Plus, don't be playing with you and my baby's health."
"We're fine. Its just morning sickness. I know how to calm her though."
"Stop calling it a girl. We don't know yet."
"I know."
"Whatever. How you calm it?"
"Calling a baby a "it" is so disrespectful."
"Its not that serious."
"Anyway, once the music started playing I stopped feeling sick. I think she likes music." She smiled.
"We haven't argued in two days."
"I know. Its scary."
"How?"
"We only got two days left here. What we gone do when we get home?"
"Make it work." He stopped and looked at her.
She sighed and turned to start walking again. She still had her guard up but at least she wasn't so angry. Everything was out on the table so neither had a reason to nit pick and argue over stupid little things that would turn to bigger things.
"I miss my babies." Nicki frowned deeply and whined.
"Yeah, Micaiah wanna stay in New York a little longer."
"Wait. How did you. . . You spoke to him?"
"You haven't?"
"I can't get no damn service."
"I get it in my room. Wanna call?"
"Yesss." She said excitedly.
They made the short walk to Safaree's bungalow. Nicki was surprised to see that it was a better bungalow than hers. She picked up the wallet size family picture that sat on the side table and sat down on the bed. She stared at it until Safaree pulled her from her thoughts.
"Here." He handed his phone to her.
"Thanks." She smiled and dialed her mothers number.
"Is everything ok, Safaree?"
"Its Nicki, Ma. Everything is fine."
"Why are you calling so late?"
"Sorry. I didn't realize. I just wanted to check on the kids."
"Kenzie is right here and Mic-"
"Ma." Nicki grunted. "I told you don't let her sleep with you. You know how hard its gonna be to-"
"I raised four babies, Onika."
"Mommy."
"Micaiah should be up. Its summertime so you know how kids are. Hold on."
Nicki listened as her mother moved around. She got excited when she heard her sons voice.
"Hi, Mama."
"I missed you Caizer."
"Stop calling me that."
"Its cute."
"Its lame."
"Whatever." She rolled her eyes.
"Are you guys better?"
"What? Who sa-"
"I heard Grandma and Katlyn talking."
"We're working on it."
"I can handle the truth, Mommy."
"I'm telling the truth, Micaiah. You don't need to worry about that stuff anyways."
"I have to protect you and MacKenzie."
"No you don't. Its my job to do that." She glanced back at Safaree who was watching t.v. "Me and Daddy's."
"Can I stay here for another week. I have friends here."
"If it's ok with-"
"Daddy and NaNa said yes already."
"Welp, there ya have it."
"Can I talk to you tomorrow? I was watching something."
"Fine." She shook her head at his bluntness. "I love you."
"Love you too." Before Nicki could hang up Micaiah spoke. "Wait!"
"What?"
"I need to speak to Daddy."
"Ok." She turned to Safaree. "Here. Caiah wants to talk to you."
"Hello." Safaree answered.
Nicki turned her attention away from him and took off her gym shoes and socks. She laid on her back and began watching t.v. She looked up to see Safaree staring at her with a goofy smile.
"What?" She looked at him funny and he nodded. "Safaree, I'm not staying here or fucking you. I'm just tired and-"
He smiled. "He kissed a girl!"
"What?!" She sat up angry.
"She's twelve." He was still smiling.
"Hell no! He can bring his ass home as soon as we get there. Call back."
"No, Nicki." He frowned.
"Yes, Safaree." She mimicked him.
"See, that's why Imma stop telling you shit." He shook his head. "This is how it works. He confides in me, I break his trust to tell you, you keep your mouth shut."
"So, when Kenzie kiss a boy and tell me, you gone be calm, right?"
"Hell naw cause her little ass ain't kissing nobody." Nicki laughed at his anger.
"Double standards."
"That's my baby."
"And Caiah is mine."
"Not anymore." He chuckled.
"Why?" She became panicked. "What happened? There's more?"
"Yeah but don't freak out."
"Don't freak out? Don't freak out?! Safaree, what the-"
"Nicki, calm your ass down. He just got happy."
"Happy as in. . .Oh." Her eyes were wide. "Isn't it too soon for that? Like. . ."
"Nah, I was like the same age when I started becoming a man."
"Oh my God, Faree." She whined. "I'm not ready for this."
"You ain't gotta be ready for nothing." He laughed. "I got this. Don't say anything though, Nicki."
"I won't. I don't wanna have that awkward ass conversation. I'd probably start crying." She laughed. "You gone handle Kenzie's talk, too?"
"Sure."
"Whatever." She laughed.
Nicki laid on her side and fixed the pillow so that she could still watch t.v.
"What's this?" She yawned.
"Silence Of The Lambs."
"Mmm."
"You ain't tryna go to the bonfire." He stated.
"I am. I just don't feel like walking now. Besides, its not even dark. We'll go when it gets dark."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Safaree, emotionally I'm drained. Physically, I'm exhausted. So, if this has anything to to with emotions and our issues. . . I'd rather you not."
"No, I just. . . I just wanted to know if I could, you know. . ."
"What Safaree?" It always irritated her when people stumbled over their words.
"When you've been pregnant in the past. . . I always enjoyed holding you more. Makes me feel closer to the baby, ya know?"
"Ummm."
"Its fine. Nevermind."
"No. No." She took a deep breath. "Come on."
He laid down beside her and wrapped his arm around her and let his hand rest on her stomach. There was still some space in between them but Safaree didn't want to push it. Instead, Nicki played the aggressor and moved back until she felt his entire frontal on her back. It was both awkward and comfortable at the same time. Safaree began to rub her belly like he always did during her pregnancies. Soon she found herself dosing off and he followed suit. Things were finally starting to look up for them.
"Hi." She said lowly.
"Hey. What's up?" He replied awkwardly.
"Um, ready?" She asked as she looked him over. The contrast of his skin tone against his khaki shorts and white, short sleeve button up was so sexy to her.
"Yeah."
They walked side by side and entered the gazebo. This gazebo was different from the one that they had been in for their welcome to the retreat. It had a circular bench that went along the entire inside with an orange cushioning to match the orange curtain. Tina was sitting in a chair a few inches away from a section on the bench. They both took a seat in front of her.
"Hello." Tina smiled.
"Hi." They said in unison.
"Do you guys have the assignment?" She asked.
"Yes." They said in unison again. Nicki went into the pocket on her dress and pulled out a piece of paper and Safaree opened his notebook.
"Um, can we ask questions that we never asked before?" Safaree asked.
"Yeah." Nicki chimed in.
"Of course." She smiled. "The only rule is that if you feel yourself getting angry or about to say something hurtful that you go take a walk on the beach then return when calm. Now, who wants to start?"
"I will." Nicki offered and Tina nodded to give her the go ahead. "Um, you were right when you said I always run to Webb when we have problems."
"You love him?" He asked.
"No. . . I mean at one point in time I thought I did but I don't."
"I loved Stephanie. Not how I love you but the feeling I had when I was with her. The allusion of happiness."
Nicki took a deep breath to compose herself before speaking. Hearing him say that he actually loved the womanthat tore her world apart pissed her off.
"I hate your mother. I know me and her are supposed to be building a relationship but I can't stand her."
"I know." He chuckled. "Um, sometimes I think Micaiah is going to be gay. I'm cool with it but-"
"What?!" Nicki laughed. "My son isn't gay."
"He's so sensitive."
"Safaree, you're sensitive too." She smiled. "He's a Pisces. They are in tune with their emotions and what not."
"Nah."
"Bet money." She straighfaced him. "He has a type and everything."
"How you know?"
"At the meet and greets there would be certain women who he'd jump in the pics with and others he'd just be blasé with."
"What's his type?"
"Brown skin, long natural hair, big girls."
"Big girls?" Safaree furrowed his eyebrows and smiled.
"Yup." Nicki smiled. "Anyway, I was the one who flattened your tire a few weeks back when you were staying at the hotel."
"I purposely kept Kenzie's pacifier when I was mad."
"I took a trip with Webb while I was pregnant. . . .with MacKenzie. We didn't do anything. We had separate rooms. We just went as friends."
"I only slept with Stephanie at the house cause I was tryna get caught. I just wanted some type of attention from you."
"Where?"
"Closet. The open condom wrapper sat on the floor for a week and you never noticed."
"I flirt with other guys to make you jealous. Its childish but I don't care."
"It doesn't bother me." He shrugged. "I went to go see Stephanie the night you kicked me out. We didn't have sex or anything. . .just talked."
"Did you want MacKenzie?"
"Not at first. I was just down for having another kid because you wanted one. To be honest, I didn't really appreciate her and love her until I held her."
"There was a time when I thought that Micaiah wasn't yours."
"What?!"
"We had broken up for like two weeks and you weren't answering my calls. Webb was there for me." She looked off. "He's yours Safaree. I just-"
Safaree stood and walked off. He had asked her before if there was any way that Micaiah could belong to someone else and she said no. Nicki stood but Tina stopped her from going after him.
"Leave him, Nicki."
"Why?! I need to-"
"Let him calm down. You guys argue enough. You need to learn to talk to each other. That's why we are doing this exercise."
Nicki huffed and sat down, "Fine."
Safaree returned a few moments later and opened his notebook again. He spoke calmly.
"Almost every time that you've left me with the kids for a couple of days one of them has had to go to the hospital."
They continued to tell each other everything they'd never said and ask all that they wanted to know until they had completed their list. A lot of what they said to each other were small things but Tina pointed out that it was the small things that break relationships. They ended the session with a discussion and were then sent to their bungalows with the instruction of bringing their iPod with them the next day.
The next day they made the same walk to the same gazebo. Tina was sat in the middle was with two pillows and two iPod docks next to her.
"Nicki isn't here?" Safaree asked as he sat on one of the pillows.
"I'm right here." Nicki said as she entered and took her seat. She felt horrible. She had been up all night and morning vomiting.
"Good." Tina said with a smile. "Ok, do you guys have your ipods?"
"Yes." Safaree said.
"Mmhmm." Nicki swallowed hard. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She placed her hand on her stomach instinctively and rubbed it.
"You ok, Nic?" Safaree asked.
"Mmmhmmm." She opened her eyes and pulled off her sunglasses. "Continue please."
"So, in your videos you each stated that music is what bonded you. In this exercise we will try to recreate that bond as well as express how you feel. You are not allowed to speak to one another. The song and lyrics are your voice."
"Ok." Safaree nodded.
"You will each take turns playing a song. It isn't a call and response thing so don't feel that you have to find a song that matches the other persons."
"Ok." Safaree said.
"Begin when you are ready." Tina said.
*Flashback*
"You being dead serious? You think Big is lyrically better than Pac?" Nicki asked. Her and Safaree had just walked from the park and were now sat on her porch.
"Yeah."
"Nah, nigga, you just sayin' that cause you from New York." She laughed. "That's what's wrong with you New York niggas. Yall never wanna give credit where its due."
"I mean, Pac good, he's great but-"
"But what?" She straightfaced him. "Let me blow up and niggas don't show respect."
"What you gone do?" He laughed. "Ain't shit you can do. You gotta look pass the hate and getcho money."
"I guess." She looked across the street at nothing. "I just need shit to work in my favor. I feel like. . .I don't know, it's stupid."
"What?"
She turned to see him staring. His eyes were so welcoming, so trusting. He saw the same thing in her. When she realized that she had been staring she cleared her throat and spoke.
"Since I was little I always would look at celebrities and think like, 'Damn, they don't have a care in the world.' I want that."
"They still human. They got shit going on. Everybody do."
"Yeah, but they ain't stressing over if the lights gone stay on and shit."
"True."
"Anyway, favorite singer?"
"Michael Jackson. I had the leather jacket and glove like him and everything when I was younger. I know all that mans choreography."
"What?!" Nicki laughed.
"Yo, don't laugh." He looked at Nicki who was laughing.
"Ok, ok. My aunt would watch me and we'd listen to Whitney all day when I was younger. God, I love her." She sighed. "I'm more into Lauryn these days."
"So, you like a conscious type rapper."
"Nah." She laughed. "Shits too heavy for me. I like to have fun."
They talked for a little longer until Nicki had to go in. The next day Safaree picked her up and took her to the studio. They rest is history.
"That went well." Nicki said walking on the beach with Safaree. Tina encouraged them to spend the rest of the evening together and to attend the couples bonfire.
"Yeah, once you dropped the attitude."
"One, I didn't find it fair that I couldn't play my songs. Two, that song you played was stupid. Three, I was sick all night."
"You done?"
"Yeah."
"One, the point was to allow someone else to speak for you. Two, you just don't like being told about yourself. Three, you shoulda called for me."
"I couldn't call for you. We're not supposed to be together at night."
"Nicki, we grown as fuck." He laughed. "Plus, don't be playing with you and my baby's health."
"We're fine. Its just morning sickness. I know how to calm her though."
"Stop calling it a girl. We don't know yet."
"I know."
"Whatever. How you calm it?"
"Calling a baby a "it" is so disrespectful."
"Its not that serious."
"Anyway, once the music started playing I stopped feeling sick. I think she likes music." She smiled.
"We haven't argued in two days."
"I know. Its scary."
"How?"
"We only got two days left here. What we gone do when we get home?"
"Make it work." He stopped and looked at her.
She sighed and turned to start walking again. She still had her guard up but at least she wasn't so angry. Everything was out on the table so neither had a reason to nit pick and argue over stupid little things that would turn to bigger things.
"I miss my babies." Nicki frowned deeply and whined.
"Yeah, Micaiah wanna stay in New York a little longer."
"Wait. How did you. . . You spoke to him?"
"You haven't?"
"I can't get no damn service."
"I get it in my room. Wanna call?"
"Yesss." She said excitedly.
They made the short walk to Safaree's bungalow. Nicki was surprised to see that it was a better bungalow than hers. She picked up the wallet size family picture that sat on the side table and sat down on the bed. She stared at it until Safaree pulled her from her thoughts.
"Here." He handed his phone to her.
"Thanks." She smiled and dialed her mothers number.
"Is everything ok, Safaree?"
"Its Nicki, Ma. Everything is fine."
"Why are you calling so late?"
"Sorry. I didn't realize. I just wanted to check on the kids."
"Kenzie is right here and Mic-"
"Ma." Nicki grunted. "I told you don't let her sleep with you. You know how hard its gonna be to-"
"I raised four babies, Onika."
"Mommy."
"Micaiah should be up. Its summertime so you know how kids are. Hold on."
Nicki listened as her mother moved around. She got excited when she heard her sons voice.
"Hi, Mama."
"I missed you Caizer."
"Stop calling me that."
"Its cute."
"Its lame."
"Whatever." She rolled her eyes.
"Are you guys better?"
"What? Who sa-"
"I heard Grandma and Katlyn talking."
"We're working on it."
"I can handle the truth, Mommy."
"I'm telling the truth, Micaiah. You don't need to worry about that stuff anyways."
"I have to protect you and MacKenzie."
"No you don't. Its my job to do that." She glanced back at Safaree who was watching t.v. "Me and Daddy's."
"Can I stay here for another week. I have friends here."
"If it's ok with-"
"Daddy and NaNa said yes already."
"Welp, there ya have it."
"Can I talk to you tomorrow? I was watching something."
"Fine." She shook her head at his bluntness. "I love you."
"Love you too." Before Nicki could hang up Micaiah spoke. "Wait!"
"What?"
"I need to speak to Daddy."
"Ok." She turned to Safaree. "Here. Caiah wants to talk to you."
"Hello." Safaree answered.
Nicki turned her attention away from him and took off her gym shoes and socks. She laid on her back and began watching t.v. She looked up to see Safaree staring at her with a goofy smile.
"What?" She looked at him funny and he nodded. "Safaree, I'm not staying here or fucking you. I'm just tired and-"
He smiled. "He kissed a girl!"
"What?!" She sat up angry.
"She's twelve." He was still smiling.
"Hell no! He can bring his ass home as soon as we get there. Call back."
"No, Nicki." He frowned.
"Yes, Safaree." She mimicked him.
"See, that's why Imma stop telling you shit." He shook his head. "This is how it works. He confides in me, I break his trust to tell you, you keep your mouth shut."
"So, when Kenzie kiss a boy and tell me, you gone be calm, right?"
"Hell naw cause her little ass ain't kissing nobody." Nicki laughed at his anger.
"Double standards."
"That's my baby."
"And Caiah is mine."
"Not anymore." He chuckled.
"Why?" She became panicked. "What happened? There's more?"
"Yeah but don't freak out."
"Don't freak out? Don't freak out?! Safaree, what the-"
"Nicki, calm your ass down. He just got happy."
"Happy as in. . .Oh." Her eyes were wide. "Isn't it too soon for that? Like. . ."
"Nah, I was like the same age when I started becoming a man."
"Oh my God, Faree." She whined. "I'm not ready for this."
"You ain't gotta be ready for nothing." He laughed. "I got this. Don't say anything though, Nicki."
"I won't. I don't wanna have that awkward ass conversation. I'd probably start crying." She laughed. "You gone handle Kenzie's talk, too?"
"Sure."
"Whatever." She laughed.
Nicki laid on her side and fixed the pillow so that she could still watch t.v.
"What's this?" She yawned.
"Silence Of The Lambs."
"Mmm."
"You ain't tryna go to the bonfire." He stated.
"I am. I just don't feel like walking now. Besides, its not even dark. We'll go when it gets dark."
"Can I ask you something?"
"Safaree, emotionally I'm drained. Physically, I'm exhausted. So, if this has anything to to with emotions and our issues. . . I'd rather you not."
"No, I just. . . I just wanted to know if I could, you know. . ."
"What Safaree?" It always irritated her when people stumbled over their words.
"When you've been pregnant in the past. . . I always enjoyed holding you more. Makes me feel closer to the baby, ya know?"
"Ummm."
"Its fine. Nevermind."
"No. No." She took a deep breath. "Come on."
He laid down beside her and wrapped his arm around her and let his hand rest on her stomach. There was still some space in between them but Safaree didn't want to push it. Instead, Nicki played the aggressor and moved back until she felt his entire frontal on her back. It was both awkward and comfortable at the same time. Safaree began to rub her belly like he always did during her pregnancies. Soon she found herself dosing off and he followed suit. Things were finally starting to look up for them.
Monday, January 21, 2013
Love & War Pt. 1
After putting their belongings away in their island bungalows, all the couples made their way to the gazebo. A wooden walkway from the beach lead them to the gazebo that was surrounded by water. Inside the gazebo there were pillows laid in a circle and in the circle was a table that had three boxes on top of it. Safaree and Nicki made their way to the two pillows that had small cards on them that said 'Samuels' and took their seat on them as they seen the rest of the couples doing.
Nicki sat Indian style and rested her elbow on her knee and chin on her closed fist as she looked across the water. Safaree was engaging in conversation with an older couple but Nicki zoned everyone out. The group began to silence when two middle aged women took their positions in the center next to the table.
"Hello." One of the women spoke. "My name is Tina."
"And I am Amelia." The other spoke. "Welcome to the Lost In Love Couples Retreat."
"We are both directors of your activities as well as couples therapist. We don't believe in the long boring lectures so we'll just get started right away." Tina said smiling.
"Now, before you took your seat I'm sure you noticed the small cards with your last names on them. Sometime tonight, not necessarily now, you will place that card into one of these three boxes. We ask that you not communicate with your partner in which box to choose. Decide on your own." Amelia said.
"Each box represents what stage you feel you are in as a couple. The green is for those who are here simply to get away and keep the passion alive. The yellow is for those who feel change that they don't like. The red is for the couples who have completely come to a stand still as a couple. If you are in red, your communication is gone, the passion isn't there, this is you last hope." Tina's eyes locked with Nicki's. Her body language read that she didn't care but her eyes had a certain vulnerability.
"In the event that you and your partner pick different boxes, we will choose you activities based on the least desired box. For example, if husband picks green but wife chooses yellow then you guys will receive yellow activities."
"So, like we said, you guys have all night to come back and place your cards in. It is important that you put it in by tonight so that we know where to place you for activities tomorrow." Amelia said.
"Other than that you are welcome to explore the island or whatever you want." Tina smiled and walked away with Amelia following close behind.
"Put yours in green, Safaree." Nicki said lowly to him. She assumed that red activities would be ones that would have them together all the time and she didn't wanna be bothered.
"Nah, Imma-"
"Just do what the fuck I said. Shit!" She stood and went to put hers in the green box and then made her way to their room.
Nicki held her phone in the air and searched for a signal but she couldn't find one. She huffed. She hadn't talked to her kids in almost three days now and she was beginning to rack her brain about everything that could possibly go wrong. When Safaree finally re-entered the room after being gone for a few hours she dropped her arm and watched him. He didn't even speak to her. Just walked into the bathroom. She followed him and stood in the doorway.
"Where were you?"
"Out." He pulled out his shaving kit.
"Did you put your card in the green?"
"Nope."
"Why the fuck not?!"
"Cause we ain't good, Nicki!"
"Safaree, I-" She was cut off by a knock on the door. She walked to the door and opened it without asking who it was. She was greeted by Tina.
"Hello, Nicki." She smiled. "May I come in?"
"Sure." She looked at her confused as she stepped aside.
"Is Safaree here?"
"Hey. I'm right here." He entered.
"Good." She smiled. "So, we just sorted through the boxes and although you won't be receiving your retreat activities, you will begin a healing process tonight."
"I'm sorry." Nicki smiled. "But its late and-"
"Its never too late to save a marriage." Tina matched Nicki's fake happy. "Now, since one of you put your card in the red-"
"What?!" Nicki said. "Safaree."
"Nicki." He looked at her angrily.
"Let's not get worked up. Not tonight." Tina laughed. "Now, since you guys are in the red you will be spending your nights apart. Actually, the only times when you will be together is during your planned activities. Unlike the rest of the couples, red couples receive a new schedule everyday which is based on the progress that you made the night before."
"So, is one of us getting a new room? Which one?" Safaree asked.
"Yes and it's up to you guys." She glanced between the two off them. She could tell that Nicki was stubborn by the way she looked off with her arms folded across her chest.
"I'll go." Safaree sighed.
"Ok." She smiled. "I'll be waiting for you outside. I'll walk you over to your bungalow."
Nicki and Safaree didn't speak a word to each other as he repacked his things. He could feel her staring at him but every time he looked up she pretended to be looking outside or on her phone. Before he walked out he placed his hand on her abdomen and told his child goodnight. As soon as she got up from the bed to go watch him outside from the window there was a knock on the door. She opened it thinking that it was Safaree but it was a younger guy.
"Hello, Mrs. Samuels."
"Hi." She looked at him weirdly and keep her hand and foot on the door in case she had to quickly close it.
"Oh, I'm Rashad. I came to drop off your first assignment from Dr. Gunner."
"Um, Dr. Gunner?"
"Tina." He smiled.
"Oh. What is it?"
"A video. I have to come in and set up the camera."
"Oh. Ok."
She moved aside and let him in. After he had finished setting up the camera he handed her a note and walked out. The note instructed her to answer the written questions verbally on video. It asked that she answered all questions honestly for herself. Nicki sighed and sat in front of the camera.
"Who are you?" She read and then looked up at the camera.
"Um, I'm Onika. . . Samuels." She sighed. "I'm a mother, daughter, friend and. . . a wife?" She said more as a question.
"Why are you here?" She read.
'Because I obviously don't have anything better to do." She mumbled. "Erm, I'm here because my brother paid for my husband and I's packages and plane tickets like months ago. If I would have known then what I know now I wouldn't be here. Now, I'm forced to face our demons. . .work on our marriage."
Nicki continued to read and answer the questions. By the time she was half way through she was in tears and continued to cry until the end. She cut the camera off and put it in the bag before placing it outside her door like the note instructed. She climbed into the bed and placed pillows all around her. She closed her eyes and rubbed her hand over her very small bump until she feel asleep.
Nicki was awoken by a knock on the door. When she opened it there was a dvd placed in front of the door with the words 'Watch Me then come to Bungalow 1'. She picked it up then entered the room and put it on. It was Safaree and he had answered the same questions as her. She tried to ignore it but she couldn't.
"Where do you think things went wrong?" He read.
"I don't even know. I guess when I decided to become less of a man. My wife lost our child and instead of me being there for her I blamed her sorta and I distanced myself from her. When she didn't come see why I was hurting I cheated. I don't even," He sighed. "I fucked up. She never asked anything of me but. . . I fucked up. I try to be mad at her for not forgiving me but I'm mad at myself. We lost our child, our trust, our happiness and I wasn't there for her. I fucked up." He wiped the single tear that fell and shut off the camera. He didn't even finish answering the questions.
Nicki had only seen him cry twice in her life and that was when one of his close friends and grandfather died. Her heart hurt for him. The fact that he shed tears for her, for their dying relationship meant a lot to her but would it be enough?
She got up and got ready for the day. As she made the walk to the bungalow she was beginning to grow both anxious and nauseous. She was anxious to see Safaree and the nausea could be contributed to the smell of the salt water. Pregnancy was usually something that was easy for her but she could tell that this baby would be difficult. When she reached the bungalow she heard Tina's voice telling her to enter. It was an office with a couch. Safaree stood when he saw her and sat at the same time as her.
"Safaree and I were just talking about your video." Tina smiled.
"You showed him?" Nicki asked with an attitude. Of course she knew he had seen it because she had watched his but subconsciously she hoped to cause Tina problems in hopes of avoiding the real issue.
"Safaree, how about you tell Nicki what you told me?" Tina ignored Nicki's tactic and Nicki became visibly annoyed.
"Yeah, um," He turned to her. "I knew how you felt but I didn't really know. I mean, that shit about me leaving. . ." He shook his head. "I can't leave you guys."
"Just step out every once in a while?" She asked sarcastically.
"See?!" Safaree looked at Tina and she nodded.
"Nicki," Tina turned her head to Nicki. "Why won't you let Safaree in?"
"What?" She asked with an attitude.
"Nicki, we can play games all day but that won't fix anything."
"Who said-"
"You. The way you act towards that man shows that you aren't done." Nicki didn't reply. "So, what is it?"
"I hate him." Nicki said.
"Do you?" Tina asked.
"No, but I want to." She looked at Safaree with tears in her eyes. "I trusted you Safaree. You knew how long it took to build what we had and you just threw it away. And everybody on the outside looking in just see's me being a bitch to you but I have reasons."
"I know." He said.
"No you don't." She sniffled and wiped her tears. "I don't think you ever will. Like, to lose a child is one thing but to lose two and do it alone. You chose to get your dick wet over holding me as I cried myself to sleep. Through everything, I've never placed any one human being, beside our kids, above you."
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry isn't good enough!' She raised her voice.
"Well, what do you want?!"
"Us." She cried. "The old us."
The session continued for another hour before Tina sent them to their rooms with notebooks. Their homework was to write down everything, good and bad, that they had never said to each other. Both Safaree and Nicki knew that they weren't fixed but they were taking steps in the right direction at the moment and that felt good.
Nicki sat Indian style and rested her elbow on her knee and chin on her closed fist as she looked across the water. Safaree was engaging in conversation with an older couple but Nicki zoned everyone out. The group began to silence when two middle aged women took their positions in the center next to the table.
"Hello." One of the women spoke. "My name is Tina."
"And I am Amelia." The other spoke. "Welcome to the Lost In Love Couples Retreat."
"We are both directors of your activities as well as couples therapist. We don't believe in the long boring lectures so we'll just get started right away." Tina said smiling.
"Now, before you took your seat I'm sure you noticed the small cards with your last names on them. Sometime tonight, not necessarily now, you will place that card into one of these three boxes. We ask that you not communicate with your partner in which box to choose. Decide on your own." Amelia said.
"Each box represents what stage you feel you are in as a couple. The green is for those who are here simply to get away and keep the passion alive. The yellow is for those who feel change that they don't like. The red is for the couples who have completely come to a stand still as a couple. If you are in red, your communication is gone, the passion isn't there, this is you last hope." Tina's eyes locked with Nicki's. Her body language read that she didn't care but her eyes had a certain vulnerability.
"In the event that you and your partner pick different boxes, we will choose you activities based on the least desired box. For example, if husband picks green but wife chooses yellow then you guys will receive yellow activities."
"So, like we said, you guys have all night to come back and place your cards in. It is important that you put it in by tonight so that we know where to place you for activities tomorrow." Amelia said.
"Other than that you are welcome to explore the island or whatever you want." Tina smiled and walked away with Amelia following close behind.
"Put yours in green, Safaree." Nicki said lowly to him. She assumed that red activities would be ones that would have them together all the time and she didn't wanna be bothered.
"Nah, Imma-"
"Just do what the fuck I said. Shit!" She stood and went to put hers in the green box and then made her way to their room.
Nicki held her phone in the air and searched for a signal but she couldn't find one. She huffed. She hadn't talked to her kids in almost three days now and she was beginning to rack her brain about everything that could possibly go wrong. When Safaree finally re-entered the room after being gone for a few hours she dropped her arm and watched him. He didn't even speak to her. Just walked into the bathroom. She followed him and stood in the doorway.
"Where were you?"
"Out." He pulled out his shaving kit.
"Did you put your card in the green?"
"Nope."
"Why the fuck not?!"
"Cause we ain't good, Nicki!"
"Safaree, I-" She was cut off by a knock on the door. She walked to the door and opened it without asking who it was. She was greeted by Tina.
"Hello, Nicki." She smiled. "May I come in?"
"Sure." She looked at her confused as she stepped aside.
"Is Safaree here?"
"Hey. I'm right here." He entered.
"Good." She smiled. "So, we just sorted through the boxes and although you won't be receiving your retreat activities, you will begin a healing process tonight."
"I'm sorry." Nicki smiled. "But its late and-"
"Its never too late to save a marriage." Tina matched Nicki's fake happy. "Now, since one of you put your card in the red-"
"What?!" Nicki said. "Safaree."
"Nicki." He looked at her angrily.
"Let's not get worked up. Not tonight." Tina laughed. "Now, since you guys are in the red you will be spending your nights apart. Actually, the only times when you will be together is during your planned activities. Unlike the rest of the couples, red couples receive a new schedule everyday which is based on the progress that you made the night before."
"So, is one of us getting a new room? Which one?" Safaree asked.
"Yes and it's up to you guys." She glanced between the two off them. She could tell that Nicki was stubborn by the way she looked off with her arms folded across her chest.
"I'll go." Safaree sighed.
"Ok." She smiled. "I'll be waiting for you outside. I'll walk you over to your bungalow."
Nicki and Safaree didn't speak a word to each other as he repacked his things. He could feel her staring at him but every time he looked up she pretended to be looking outside or on her phone. Before he walked out he placed his hand on her abdomen and told his child goodnight. As soon as she got up from the bed to go watch him outside from the window there was a knock on the door. She opened it thinking that it was Safaree but it was a younger guy.
"Hello, Mrs. Samuels."
"Hi." She looked at him weirdly and keep her hand and foot on the door in case she had to quickly close it.
"Oh, I'm Rashad. I came to drop off your first assignment from Dr. Gunner."
"Um, Dr. Gunner?"
"Tina." He smiled.
"Oh. What is it?"
"A video. I have to come in and set up the camera."
"Oh. Ok."
She moved aside and let him in. After he had finished setting up the camera he handed her a note and walked out. The note instructed her to answer the written questions verbally on video. It asked that she answered all questions honestly for herself. Nicki sighed and sat in front of the camera.
"Who are you?" She read and then looked up at the camera.
"Um, I'm Onika. . . Samuels." She sighed. "I'm a mother, daughter, friend and. . . a wife?" She said more as a question.
"Why are you here?" She read.
'Because I obviously don't have anything better to do." She mumbled. "Erm, I'm here because my brother paid for my husband and I's packages and plane tickets like months ago. If I would have known then what I know now I wouldn't be here. Now, I'm forced to face our demons. . .work on our marriage."
Nicki continued to read and answer the questions. By the time she was half way through she was in tears and continued to cry until the end. She cut the camera off and put it in the bag before placing it outside her door like the note instructed. She climbed into the bed and placed pillows all around her. She closed her eyes and rubbed her hand over her very small bump until she feel asleep.
Nicki was awoken by a knock on the door. When she opened it there was a dvd placed in front of the door with the words 'Watch Me then come to Bungalow 1'. She picked it up then entered the room and put it on. It was Safaree and he had answered the same questions as her. She tried to ignore it but she couldn't.
"Where do you think things went wrong?" He read.
"I don't even know. I guess when I decided to become less of a man. My wife lost our child and instead of me being there for her I blamed her sorta and I distanced myself from her. When she didn't come see why I was hurting I cheated. I don't even," He sighed. "I fucked up. She never asked anything of me but. . . I fucked up. I try to be mad at her for not forgiving me but I'm mad at myself. We lost our child, our trust, our happiness and I wasn't there for her. I fucked up." He wiped the single tear that fell and shut off the camera. He didn't even finish answering the questions.
Nicki had only seen him cry twice in her life and that was when one of his close friends and grandfather died. Her heart hurt for him. The fact that he shed tears for her, for their dying relationship meant a lot to her but would it be enough?
She got up and got ready for the day. As she made the walk to the bungalow she was beginning to grow both anxious and nauseous. She was anxious to see Safaree and the nausea could be contributed to the smell of the salt water. Pregnancy was usually something that was easy for her but she could tell that this baby would be difficult. When she reached the bungalow she heard Tina's voice telling her to enter. It was an office with a couch. Safaree stood when he saw her and sat at the same time as her.
"Safaree and I were just talking about your video." Tina smiled.
"You showed him?" Nicki asked with an attitude. Of course she knew he had seen it because she had watched his but subconsciously she hoped to cause Tina problems in hopes of avoiding the real issue.
"Safaree, how about you tell Nicki what you told me?" Tina ignored Nicki's tactic and Nicki became visibly annoyed.
"Yeah, um," He turned to her. "I knew how you felt but I didn't really know. I mean, that shit about me leaving. . ." He shook his head. "I can't leave you guys."
"Just step out every once in a while?" She asked sarcastically.
"See?!" Safaree looked at Tina and she nodded.
"Nicki," Tina turned her head to Nicki. "Why won't you let Safaree in?"
"What?" She asked with an attitude.
"Nicki, we can play games all day but that won't fix anything."
"Who said-"
"You. The way you act towards that man shows that you aren't done." Nicki didn't reply. "So, what is it?"
"I hate him." Nicki said.
"Do you?" Tina asked.
"No, but I want to." She looked at Safaree with tears in her eyes. "I trusted you Safaree. You knew how long it took to build what we had and you just threw it away. And everybody on the outside looking in just see's me being a bitch to you but I have reasons."
"I know." He said.
"No you don't." She sniffled and wiped her tears. "I don't think you ever will. Like, to lose a child is one thing but to lose two and do it alone. You chose to get your dick wet over holding me as I cried myself to sleep. Through everything, I've never placed any one human being, beside our kids, above you."
"I'm sorry."
"Sorry isn't good enough!' She raised her voice.
"Well, what do you want?!"
"Us." She cried. "The old us."
The session continued for another hour before Tina sent them to their rooms with notebooks. Their homework was to write down everything, good and bad, that they had never said to each other. Both Safaree and Nicki knew that they weren't fixed but they were taking steps in the right direction at the moment and that felt good.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Never Told
Nicki walked out of the gas station carrying a bag of snacks for their road trip. They still hadn't made it out of the state of California but they would be soon. Nicki climbed into the backseat and closed the door before looking at MacKenzie and smiling. They both wore a pair of jean shorts, white tanks, and cowboy boots. Micaiah said it was lame but Nicki thought they were cute. She snapped a picture of MacKenzie, made a quick collage of both of their outfits and uploaded it onto her Instagram. Nicki glanced over to the building where Safaree had disappeared behind the building to take a phone call then turned her attention to Micaiah who was sat in the front seat.
"Whatcha listening to Caiah?" She pulled his left earphone out.
"J. Cole."
"Should've known." She laughed. Micaiah was very intellectually mature for his age and would only listen to music that he thought had meaning. Nicki found this to be a very endearing quality of his. "What song?"
"Never Told."
"Never heard it. Let me see." She held out her hand and he looked hesitant to hand over his iPod. "Come on."
"Here."
He pulled the other ear bud out, started the song over, then handed it to her. She bite her lip and listened to the subject matter of the song. At first she was about to scold Micaiah for not having the clean version of the song but a few lines in the first verse caught her attention. She stared at the side of his face while the song continued to play. When it was over she pulled the headphones out and extended her arm for Micaiah to take it.
"Here." Once he had it she opened the car door and got out, slamming it closed and waking MacKenzie. She walked up to the gas station and rounded the corner where Safaree was.
"I was thinking-" He saw Nicki approaching and spoke. "Here I come." She smacked him. "Mr. Douglas, I have to go." He hung up. "The fuck is your problem?!"
"He knows!" She went to slap him again but he grabbed her hand.
"Who? What are you-" She snatched her hand away.
"He knows!" She had tears in her eyes as she pushed him before storming back to the car. She got into the front seat and locked the doors and started the car. "Put on your seat belt."
"But-"
"Put on your seatbelt, Micaiah!" She yelled at him through her tears and sped off. MacKenzie was screaming at the top of her lungs and Micaiah had tears in his eyes but she didn't notice as she did ninety down the highway crying.
"Ma." Micaiah said but she kept driving. "Mama, please, lets go back."
She was really scaring him but she didn't notice. She just wanted to get as far away from Safaree as quickly as she could before attempting murder. The last thing in their relationship that she thought was salvageable wasn't.
"Mommy! Stop, you're scaring me!"
She glanced at him then slowed down before she pulled over and just stared ahead. Her chest quickly rose and fell as the tears continued to fall. She looked over at her sons tear stained face.
"I'm sorry." She cried and opened her arms to him.
They pulled each other into an embrace and both cried. She rubbed his head and apologized over and over. Nicki released him and reached into the back and unbuckled MacKenzie and pulled her to the front. Just like her brother, her breathing was hitched. Of course MacKenzie didn't know exactly what was going on but she felt the tension and the negativity. Nicki continued to kiss, hug, and apologize to her children until both she and them had completely calmed down. She put Mackenzie back and then drove back to the gas station. When she pulled up Safaree was sitting on the curb by the door. Safaree got up and walked around and opened the driver side door.
"Nicki, I-"
"Just get us home." She said dryly before getting out and getting into the back seat again.
They had been home for a few days and little had changed. Nicki didn't speak a word to Safaree and Micaiah spoke very few to him. He wasn't trying to take sides but he could see that his mother was hurting and his father was the source. The only reason Safaree hadn't left or been put out was because Micaiah begged them not to get a divorce. It hurt both Nicki and Safaree to see him hurt but Nicki couldn't stop being mad.
Nicki and Micaiah laid in bed watching the original Karate Kid and eating ice cream. Today was Mommy and son day as well as Daddy and daughter day. Nicki and Safaree had decided a while back to devote a whole day out of each month to giving each child personal time. Micaiah said he wanted to spend the day being lazy while Safaree took MacKenzie to her first infant swimming class and to see the re-release of Cinderella. He didn't want to go but he figured he'd get practice in for when she got older and wanted to drag him to those kind of movies.
"Ew." Micaiah looked at Nicki who had just put a spoonful of peanut butter ice cream on her pickle and took a bite.
"Its good." She said covering her mouth while she chewed. She swallowed before talking again. "Wanna try?"
"No." He scrunched up his nose. "You keep eating weird stuff like before you had Kenzie." He turned his attention back to the movie but Nicki kept staring at him. He turned to her again. "What?"
"Um, I have to ask you something." She paused the movie and looked at him.
"What?"
She took a deep breath, "How do you feel about Kenzie?"
"I love her. That's my sister."
"I know but before we had her you said you didn't want her."
"That was along time ago. I love her now." He shrugged.
"And if we had another baby?"
"I'd love it, too."
"Really?" She smiled.
"Yeah. Why?"
"Because we're having another baby." She smiled as his eyes lite up.
"Really?!" He placed his hand on her stomach and frowned. "Make it move how you did Kenz."
"Well, it hasn't started moving like that yet. Sometimes I feel her, I think, but it's not like that."
"When's it gonna get here?"
"January 1st."
"Cool! That's you and Daddy's anniversary, right?"
"Yeah." Her smile began to fade but she forced it back.
"Can we take pictures of your stomach each month like last time?" Nicki nodded and he jumped up and ran out to go get the camera. Nicki smiled at his excitement.
Once he exited the room her phone began to ring. She looked at the screen to see her brothers name. She answered.
"Hello."
"Yo, you packed?"
"For?"
"Couples Retreat. Its in two weeks but you know how you are with packing." He laughed.
"Oh, Jay, we won't be able to make it."
"You sure cause Safaree just said that yall was coming and Mama said yall need it so. . ."
"Wait. She said that? Why would she-"
"Ma and Pops keeping the kids. Said they might take em on a cruise if you get em to New York by next week."
"But-"
"Nic, you know mama is not gone hear nothing about you saying them kids can't go. You gone piss her off if she gotta fly all the way there to come get them."
She huffed, "Fine. I'll call her and find out when to take them but I'm not going to that retreat."
"Come on, Nicki. I already payed for the tickets and the packages."
"Jelani, I'll give you the money back. I don't wanna go."
"Its not about the money." He sighed and began to whisper. "Look, if yall don't come then the only other couple Tiffany wanna invite is her cousin and her broke ass nigga. I can't stand that bitch or him."
"Jelani!" Nicki heard his wife call his name. She had obviously heard his opinions on her cousin despite his attempt to hide it.
"What?! I'm talking to my sister. Damn." He huffed.
"Lani, I'm sorry but-"
"You and SB probably going through yall tic for tat little bullshit but you gotta come."
"Jelani."
"I'll get you your own room."
"Jelani." She whined.
"Onika."
"Ughhhh! I want my own room, don't sit me next to that nigga on the plane or matter of fact, I don't wanna be anywhere near him at all. Got it?"
"Damn, what he do?"
"Business."
"Huh?"
"Mind your own."
"Fine." He huffed. "I'll talk to you later though, sis."
"Alright. I love you."
"Yeah, you too." She shook her head at him not saying it back as she hung up. As soon as she hung the phone up, Safaree entered the room with MacKenzie.
"We back." He said.
"Hi Kenzie Cat!" She smiled big and opened her arms. Safaree handed her over. "Mommy missed you little girl."
"Nic, um, we need to talk."
"What'd you do today Mookie Moo? Did you go swimming?" She continued bouncing MacKenzie and playing with her.
"Nicki." He sighed.
"You gonna show me what you learned when you take your bath?"
"Damn it, Nicki! You hear me talking to you." He said angrily.
"What do you want, Safaree?" She finally looked at him.
"Nevermind. Fuck it."
"No, say what you gotta say."
"Nah. You good. I'm over begging you for your forgiveness and attention. You wanna be bitter and not solve anything so do you."
"Safa-"
"No!" His face was in a complete frown. "I'm done!"
He disappeared into the closet. When he didn't return for a few minutes she moved all of her and Micaiah's snacks and laid MacKenzie in the center of the bed. She walked into the closet to see him packing.
"What are you doing?"
"What it look like?"
"But, but you promised that-"
"This shit ain't gone work." He angrily stuffed his clothes into the bag.
"Safaree." She grabbed his arm and he snatched away.
"Every time I think we getting close to working shit out you blow up. I've apologized time and time again but it's never enough."
"Safaree, you can't leave." She had tears in her eyes. She wanted to be mad, she earned that right, but she wasn't ready for him to go. He moved to the other side of the closet and began stuffing another bag.
"Our son is breaking down and shit." He shook his head. "This ain't good for nobody, Nicki."
"After all you put me though, after all we've been through. . .you're just, you're just gonna leave me like I'm the bad guy?" She sniffled and he ignored her. "Safaree!"
She pushed him but he continued to pack. She screamed his name louder and he turned to face her. She began punching him in the chest but he was unmoved. She fell into his chest and began to cry. He wrapped his arms around her and they both slide to the floor.
"Nicki, I have to go. We both knew this wasn't gonna work. Imma just give you some space."
"I don't want-"
"But you need it. I know where I wanna be but I can't be there alone. Figure out what you wanna do. Not for the kids, not for me, not for appearances but for you."
He moved her off of his lap and stood. Nicki just watched him in defeat. She had finally pushed him too far. She tried to open her mouth to say something, anything but the words wouldn't come out. He picked up his bags and walked out of the closet. He kissed MacKenzie, who was now sleeping, on the forehead and then made his way to Micaiah's room. He placed his bags by the door then knocked.
"Come in."
"Sup man."
"You said you were gonna stay." He had heard the entire argument up until he heard his mother begin to cry.
"I'm not leaving. I have business in New York."
"I'm not stupid." He starred at his father.
He sighed, "I'm just going to leave for a couple of days and I'll come back and try again. I'm not giving up. I love you guys."
"Don't worry. I'm used to it."
"Huh?"
"First mommy left, now you. I'll be ok."
"Micaiah, I'll be back. I'm not-"
"Its fine. Really."
Safaree sighed and kissed his son's forehead. He didn't know what else to do. If he stayed he and his family were miserable and if he left it was the same thing. When he reached the door that led to the garage he couldn't bring himself to turn the knob to walk out. He saw his biggest fear coming true right before his eyes, becoming his father. He sighed and turned away from the door. He wasn't ready, just yet, to give up on his family.
1) Go listen to Never Told by J. Cole. http://m.youtube.com/index?&desktop_uri=%2F#/watch?v=3r_w3tGLzcc 2) S/o to @Flymuthaphunker for the retreat idea. It'll be in the next post which will happen by Sunday. 3) Watch AI tonight 4) COMMENT 5) Thanks :)
"Whatcha listening to Caiah?" She pulled his left earphone out.
"J. Cole."
"Should've known." She laughed. Micaiah was very intellectually mature for his age and would only listen to music that he thought had meaning. Nicki found this to be a very endearing quality of his. "What song?"
"Never Told."
"Never heard it. Let me see." She held out her hand and he looked hesitant to hand over his iPod. "Come on."
"Here."
He pulled the other ear bud out, started the song over, then handed it to her. She bite her lip and listened to the subject matter of the song. At first she was about to scold Micaiah for not having the clean version of the song but a few lines in the first verse caught her attention. She stared at the side of his face while the song continued to play. When it was over she pulled the headphones out and extended her arm for Micaiah to take it.
"Here." Once he had it she opened the car door and got out, slamming it closed and waking MacKenzie. She walked up to the gas station and rounded the corner where Safaree was.
"I was thinking-" He saw Nicki approaching and spoke. "Here I come." She smacked him. "Mr. Douglas, I have to go." He hung up. "The fuck is your problem?!"
"He knows!" She went to slap him again but he grabbed her hand.
"Who? What are you-" She snatched her hand away.
"He knows!" She had tears in her eyes as she pushed him before storming back to the car. She got into the front seat and locked the doors and started the car. "Put on your seat belt."
"But-"
"Put on your seatbelt, Micaiah!" She yelled at him through her tears and sped off. MacKenzie was screaming at the top of her lungs and Micaiah had tears in his eyes but she didn't notice as she did ninety down the highway crying.
"Ma." Micaiah said but she kept driving. "Mama, please, lets go back."
She was really scaring him but she didn't notice. She just wanted to get as far away from Safaree as quickly as she could before attempting murder. The last thing in their relationship that she thought was salvageable wasn't.
"Mommy! Stop, you're scaring me!"
She glanced at him then slowed down before she pulled over and just stared ahead. Her chest quickly rose and fell as the tears continued to fall. She looked over at her sons tear stained face.
"I'm sorry." She cried and opened her arms to him.
They pulled each other into an embrace and both cried. She rubbed his head and apologized over and over. Nicki released him and reached into the back and unbuckled MacKenzie and pulled her to the front. Just like her brother, her breathing was hitched. Of course MacKenzie didn't know exactly what was going on but she felt the tension and the negativity. Nicki continued to kiss, hug, and apologize to her children until both she and them had completely calmed down. She put Mackenzie back and then drove back to the gas station. When she pulled up Safaree was sitting on the curb by the door. Safaree got up and walked around and opened the driver side door.
"Nicki, I-"
"Just get us home." She said dryly before getting out and getting into the back seat again.
They had been home for a few days and little had changed. Nicki didn't speak a word to Safaree and Micaiah spoke very few to him. He wasn't trying to take sides but he could see that his mother was hurting and his father was the source. The only reason Safaree hadn't left or been put out was because Micaiah begged them not to get a divorce. It hurt both Nicki and Safaree to see him hurt but Nicki couldn't stop being mad.
Nicki and Micaiah laid in bed watching the original Karate Kid and eating ice cream. Today was Mommy and son day as well as Daddy and daughter day. Nicki and Safaree had decided a while back to devote a whole day out of each month to giving each child personal time. Micaiah said he wanted to spend the day being lazy while Safaree took MacKenzie to her first infant swimming class and to see the re-release of Cinderella. He didn't want to go but he figured he'd get practice in for when she got older and wanted to drag him to those kind of movies.
"Ew." Micaiah looked at Nicki who had just put a spoonful of peanut butter ice cream on her pickle and took a bite.
"Its good." She said covering her mouth while she chewed. She swallowed before talking again. "Wanna try?"
"No." He scrunched up his nose. "You keep eating weird stuff like before you had Kenzie." He turned his attention back to the movie but Nicki kept staring at him. He turned to her again. "What?"
"Um, I have to ask you something." She paused the movie and looked at him.
"What?"
She took a deep breath, "How do you feel about Kenzie?"
"I love her. That's my sister."
"I know but before we had her you said you didn't want her."
"That was along time ago. I love her now." He shrugged.
"And if we had another baby?"
"I'd love it, too."
"Really?" She smiled.
"Yeah. Why?"
"Because we're having another baby." She smiled as his eyes lite up.
"Really?!" He placed his hand on her stomach and frowned. "Make it move how you did Kenz."
"Well, it hasn't started moving like that yet. Sometimes I feel her, I think, but it's not like that."
"When's it gonna get here?"
"January 1st."
"Cool! That's you and Daddy's anniversary, right?"
"Yeah." Her smile began to fade but she forced it back.
"Can we take pictures of your stomach each month like last time?" Nicki nodded and he jumped up and ran out to go get the camera. Nicki smiled at his excitement.
Once he exited the room her phone began to ring. She looked at the screen to see her brothers name. She answered.
"Hello."
"Yo, you packed?"
"For?"
"Couples Retreat. Its in two weeks but you know how you are with packing." He laughed.
"Oh, Jay, we won't be able to make it."
"You sure cause Safaree just said that yall was coming and Mama said yall need it so. . ."
"Wait. She said that? Why would she-"
"Ma and Pops keeping the kids. Said they might take em on a cruise if you get em to New York by next week."
"But-"
"Nic, you know mama is not gone hear nothing about you saying them kids can't go. You gone piss her off if she gotta fly all the way there to come get them."
She huffed, "Fine. I'll call her and find out when to take them but I'm not going to that retreat."
"Come on, Nicki. I already payed for the tickets and the packages."
"Jelani, I'll give you the money back. I don't wanna go."
"Its not about the money." He sighed and began to whisper. "Look, if yall don't come then the only other couple Tiffany wanna invite is her cousin and her broke ass nigga. I can't stand that bitch or him."
"Jelani!" Nicki heard his wife call his name. She had obviously heard his opinions on her cousin despite his attempt to hide it.
"What?! I'm talking to my sister. Damn." He huffed.
"Lani, I'm sorry but-"
"You and SB probably going through yall tic for tat little bullshit but you gotta come."
"Jelani."
"I'll get you your own room."
"Jelani." She whined.
"Onika."
"Ughhhh! I want my own room, don't sit me next to that nigga on the plane or matter of fact, I don't wanna be anywhere near him at all. Got it?"
"Damn, what he do?"
"Business."
"Huh?"
"Mind your own."
"Fine." He huffed. "I'll talk to you later though, sis."
"Alright. I love you."
"Yeah, you too." She shook her head at him not saying it back as she hung up. As soon as she hung the phone up, Safaree entered the room with MacKenzie.
"We back." He said.
"Hi Kenzie Cat!" She smiled big and opened her arms. Safaree handed her over. "Mommy missed you little girl."
"Nic, um, we need to talk."
"What'd you do today Mookie Moo? Did you go swimming?" She continued bouncing MacKenzie and playing with her.
"Nicki." He sighed.
"You gonna show me what you learned when you take your bath?"
"Damn it, Nicki! You hear me talking to you." He said angrily.
"What do you want, Safaree?" She finally looked at him.
"Nevermind. Fuck it."
"No, say what you gotta say."
"Nah. You good. I'm over begging you for your forgiveness and attention. You wanna be bitter and not solve anything so do you."
"Safa-"
"No!" His face was in a complete frown. "I'm done!"
He disappeared into the closet. When he didn't return for a few minutes she moved all of her and Micaiah's snacks and laid MacKenzie in the center of the bed. She walked into the closet to see him packing.
"What are you doing?"
"What it look like?"
"But, but you promised that-"
"This shit ain't gone work." He angrily stuffed his clothes into the bag.
"Safaree." She grabbed his arm and he snatched away.
"Every time I think we getting close to working shit out you blow up. I've apologized time and time again but it's never enough."
"Safaree, you can't leave." She had tears in her eyes. She wanted to be mad, she earned that right, but she wasn't ready for him to go. He moved to the other side of the closet and began stuffing another bag.
"Our son is breaking down and shit." He shook his head. "This ain't good for nobody, Nicki."
"After all you put me though, after all we've been through. . .you're just, you're just gonna leave me like I'm the bad guy?" She sniffled and he ignored her. "Safaree!"
She pushed him but he continued to pack. She screamed his name louder and he turned to face her. She began punching him in the chest but he was unmoved. She fell into his chest and began to cry. He wrapped his arms around her and they both slide to the floor.
"Nicki, I have to go. We both knew this wasn't gonna work. Imma just give you some space."
"I don't want-"
"But you need it. I know where I wanna be but I can't be there alone. Figure out what you wanna do. Not for the kids, not for me, not for appearances but for you."
He moved her off of his lap and stood. Nicki just watched him in defeat. She had finally pushed him too far. She tried to open her mouth to say something, anything but the words wouldn't come out. He picked up his bags and walked out of the closet. He kissed MacKenzie, who was now sleeping, on the forehead and then made his way to Micaiah's room. He placed his bags by the door then knocked.
"Come in."
"Sup man."
"You said you were gonna stay." He had heard the entire argument up until he heard his mother begin to cry.
"I'm not leaving. I have business in New York."
"I'm not stupid." He starred at his father.
He sighed, "I'm just going to leave for a couple of days and I'll come back and try again. I'm not giving up. I love you guys."
"Don't worry. I'm used to it."
"Huh?"
"First mommy left, now you. I'll be ok."
"Micaiah, I'll be back. I'm not-"
"Its fine. Really."
Safaree sighed and kissed his son's forehead. He didn't know what else to do. If he stayed he and his family were miserable and if he left it was the same thing. When he reached the door that led to the garage he couldn't bring himself to turn the knob to walk out. He saw his biggest fear coming true right before his eyes, becoming his father. He sighed and turned away from the door. He wasn't ready, just yet, to give up on his family.
1) Go listen to Never Told by J. Cole. http://m.youtube.com/index?&desktop_uri=%2F#/watch?v=3r_w3tGLzcc 2) S/o to @Flymuthaphunker for the retreat idea. It'll be in the next post which will happen by Sunday. 3) Watch AI tonight 4) COMMENT 5) Thanks :)
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Reciprocity?
The familiar sounds of MacKenzie's cry rang through the baby monitor. Nicki sighed deeply then tossed the covers back and sat on the edge of the bed. It wasn't until she felt a breeze on her skin that she'd realized that she was naked. She quickly darted her head behind her to see Safaree's bare backside. He shifted some before pulling the covers back on him. She felt her heart beat quickening as she began to breath harder. She stood and glared at him until MacKenzie's cries brought her back to reality.
"Ugh!" She grunted loudly and stormed to the closet to get a robe. When she returned she just stared at him. "Get up, Safaree! We gotta go pick up Micaiah."
She stayed around long enough just to see him lift his head off of the pillow. She made her way to the kitchen and quickly made MacKenzie a bottle before hurrying back upstairs to give it to her. When she made it to MacKenzie's side she handed her the bottle to hold for herself. She wiped at MacKenzie's tears then rubbed her head to soothe her some more. After staring at her little girl for a while she went to her drawers and closet and pulled out something for her to wear for the day. After she finished that task she made her way back over to a babbling MacKenzie and took the bottle away. MacKenzie began to fuss.
"Look mamacita." She showed her the empty bottle. "All gone." She smiled and handed MacKenzie her small, stuffed dog. MacKenzie squealed and began kicking which caused Nicki to laugh a little.
"Mommy'll be right back. Ok?" MacKenzie ignored Nicki's statement as she began to chew on the stuffed animal.
She took the bottle to the kitchen and washed it before returning back upstairs. She made her way to her bedroom to get ready for the day. As she walked into the bedroom, Safaree was exiting the bathroom with just his towel wrapped around his waist. She froze and just stared at him, not knowing what to say or do.
"You wanna talk about last night?" He asked.
"No." She huffed and began to walk towards the bathroom but he stood in her way. "Move, Safaree."
"I thought the point of makeup sex was to actually makeup." He chuckled.
"It wasn't makeup sex. It was an angry fuck."
He shrugged, "Still happened."
"Please, let me forget."
"Nicki, eventually you gotta talk to me. Eventually you gotta either let everything thing out or let it go. I'm trying." He searched her eyes but her face was still very stoic.
"You cheated on me, Safaree. I don't owe you shit! I said I don't wanna talk about it, none of it. So let it the fuck go! We made this arrangement for a reason and if you can't handle-"
"This arrangement is stupid. We both know that. You wanna pretend to be happy for now but what do you think comes next? Eventually somebody is going to get hurt."
"I'M ALREADY HURT!"
"Nic, I know but having me here for the kids is a lie. You proved that last night. You don't want anybody else and neither do I."
"Well, why did you fuck her?"
"The same reason you run to Webb everytime we have problems."
"I don't fucking run to We-"
"Nicki, I know about him and you."
"You don't know a got damn thing!"
"Really? I know that when you told me back in the day that you fucked him once that it was a lie." She said nothing. "You letting your pride get in the way of something much bigger and you not gone realize it until its too late."
"Stop trying to make this into the Safaree pity party. You fucked up. You fucked up, Safaree, and now you have to figure out how to fix it. I'm not going to tell you how I fucking feel because right now I don't too much give a shit about being with you. You wanna fix us? Figure that shit out."
She pushed pass him and went into the bathroom and slammed the door. She slipped out of the robe and turned the shower on. She stepped in without checking the temperature. Her skin instantly became red as the hot water hit her skin but she felt nothing. She never thought it to be possible but her heart hurt to the point where physical pain wasn't a factor. Her breathing became hitched as she cried. She hoped that Safaree wouldn't hear her as she slide to the shower floor and wrapped her arms around her knees and pulled them close. Safaree stood on the other side of the door helplessly listening to his wife's pain. In that moment he finally felt exactly what she felt, he just didn't know how to let her know.
They pulled up to the pick up point as soon as the bus arrived. As soon as Safaree parked the car Nicki hopped out and joined the line of parents waiting for their kids to get off. Safaree got out of the car and went to get MacKenzie out. As soon as Micaiah stepped off of the bus he ran to his mother. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight.
"Oh, I missed you." She kissed his cheek. "I missed you." She kissed his forehead. "I missed you." She kissed all over his face.
"Stop, Ma." He pushed her hand away laughing.
"Sup, man." Safaree pushed his head.
"Nothing." He opened his arms indicating that he wanted to hold his sister. Safaree handed her over.
"Be careful, Caiah." Nicki said. She wasn't used to him holding her outside.
"I got it, Ma." He said. "I lift weights heavier than her."
"Word?" Nicki laughed.
"Yo, where your bags at?" Safaree asked.
"Over there." He nodded his head to the row of bags that the bus driver had lined up. "Mine got my name on em."
"I know." Safaree said as he made his way towards them.
"When we leave, Ma?"
"Tomorrow or the next day. You need to finish that summer packet thing and we need to wash those dirty camp clothes."
"Ok."
"Come on." She grabbed MacKenzie from him and began walking towards the truck once she saw that Safaree had the bags.
"Did you cook, Ma?"
"That's all you care about. You didn't even tell me you missed me." She shook her head.
"I did." He laughed. "But I missed your cooking even more."
"Word?" She said with raised eyebrows as she opened the door to put MacKenzie in her car seat.
"Not like that, Ma. You know I luh you guh." Nicki began to laugh as she fastened MacKenzie in. "Seriously, did you cook?"
"Go help your dad with the bags clown." She closed the door and went to open the passenger side door.
"Ok." He laughed and did as told. When they reached the back of the truck Micaiah noticed Safaree's stick figure sticker gone. "Where's your stick figure at?"
"I dunno." Safaree lied. He knew Nicki ripped it off out of anger. He opened the trunk and placed the two bags in. "Lets go."
"Ma." Micaiah said as he climbed into the truck.
"Yes?" She looked back.
"What happened to Dad's stick figure thingy?"
"I dunno. Its not up there?"
"Nope." He looked at her funny and she turned around.
The rest of the way back home Micaiah talked their ears off about all the things he had done at camp. Nicki clung to his every word. She had really missed him. The three weeks that they were apart was the longest they'd been separated since before Micaiah and Safaree had moved to California. She was glad that he was getting his first normal summer in a while. The rest were filled with Nicki's work schedule. When they arrived home Safaree and Micaiah grabbed his bags while Nicki got MacKenzie and opened the door. Micaiah dropped his bag by the door and instantly ran to go play video games.
"Un uh. Micaiah! Get back here." She sat MacKenzie in her high chair in the kitchen and waited for Micaiah to reappear.
"Yes?"
"Go take those bags and put them in the laundry room."
"Ok." He started to do what he was told but she stopped him.
"Wait." He huffed. "Don't get popped boy. Now, I want four piles. Football equipment, whites, darks, and then regular coloreds."
"Maaaaa." He whined and she gave him a blank stare. He sighed before walking away mumbling.
"I told you before young sir, if you got something to say then speak up. Other than that, keep it in your head!"
"Yes, ma'am." He called behind him.
They hadn't even been on the road for two hours yet and they had already stopped four times. The first time they had to pull over and search the whole car for Micaiah's iPod, which was in his pocket, the second was to change MacKenzie, the third was to get Nicki something to eat and the forth time was so that Micaiah and Nicki could switch seats so that Nicki could be closer to MacKenzie. Safaree didn't see this trip lasting very long or them going very far but he decided against saying anything.
"Shouldn't we be singing like songs and stuff?" Nicki randomly asked.
"No." Safaree said.
"I'm pretty darn sure we should." She said in a perky but creepy voice.
"Ma-"
She took a deep breath then sang out, "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beeeeeeeer!"
"Mama, please."
"You take one down. . ."
"Maaaaaaaa!"
"Pass it around. . ." Micaiah just glared at her.
"99 bottles of beer on the wall!" She laughed obnoxiously and Safaree cracked a smile. Micaiah didn't find her show entertaining at all.
"Ma, there's this new thing called the radio, we let it do the singing around here." He said sarcastically.
"The radio is far from being new, sir." She rolled her eyes.
"She would know." Safaree mumbled and Micaiah started laughing.
"Excuse me." She rolled her neck and eyes. "Are you implying that I'm old?! I'm not old. I'm only thirty one."
It was quiet for a moment until Micaiah spoke.
"Old." He said and him and Safaree laughed hysterically.
"Micaiah, all of your friends parents are pushing forty. Lets not."
"They old too." He replied and he and Safaree shared another laugh.
She rolled her eyes, "You know what. . ."
"Daddy ain't getting none?"
"WHAT?!" Her eyes nearly popped out of her head as she began laughing. "Wait. No. This isn't funny, Nicki." She told herself.
"Its really not." Safaree looked at her through the rearview mirror.
She took a deep breath to compose herself.
"Your Dad isn't getting what, Micaiah?" She asked, still smiling.
"I don't know." He shrugged.
"You know, that's why you said it. What he ain't getting?"
"Kisses." He said and blushed a little. Nicki grinned from ear to ear at his innocence.
"That's not-"
"That's exactly what it means, Safaree." She kicked the back of his chair.
"I know." He huffed.
"Well, act like it." She rolled her eyes.
Safaree let out a sigh and then Nicki mimicked him. Micaiah looked back and forth between the two of them.
'Should've known the happy wouldn't last long.' Safaree thought.
They drove for a few more hours until they came across a carnival. Micaiah begged them to stop and so they did. Everyone put on baseball caps and pulled them down to the brow. Safaree put MacKenzie in the baby carrier then put in on the front of his body. They ate then began to walk around.
"Ma, lets get on that!" Micaiah pointed to one of the rides.
"Why don't you take your Dad?" She smiled.
"He's got Kenzie."
"I'll take Kenzie."
"But we always go one one together."
"Not today. Ok?"
"But why?"
"I just don't feel like it, Micaiah. Stop questioning me." Now was not the time to tell him that she was pregnant but he kept pushing the issue and she was growing irritated.
"Here." Safaree pulled the straps off and handed MacKenzie to Nicki.
"Imma go play that game." Nicki said as she pulled the straps over her shoulder.
"No, you're not." Safaree said.
"Safaree."
"Nicki, I ain't got time to fight off a crowd if somebody spot you. Stay your ass by this ride till we get off."
"Fine." She rolled her eyes and followed close behind them. She stood behind the gate and watched the ride until the got off. Once they were done Micaiah dragged them to another ride and then another.
"Can we go play the games now?" Nicki asked as they approached her after riding their third ride.
"Yeah, come on." Safaree said and they began walking.
"I wanna play this one." Nicki stopped in front of the game where you have to knock the bottles down. "Kenzie wants the pink dolphin."
"Ok." Safaree said.
Safaree payed for each of them to get three throws. Nicki went first and missed the bottles all three times. She instantly came up with the conclusion that the game was rigged, even though she hit nothing at all. Safaree went next and knocked down one bottle and moved two, he came up with the same conclusion. Micaiah was up next.
"You want the dolphin, Mookie?" He asked MacKenzie and she babbled. "I got you sis."
"I wanna see this." Safaree said.
"Don't do my baby." Nicki rolled her eyes. "Go ahead Caiah."
Micaiah's first throw missed. Safaree laughed a little and Micaiah glared at him. He picked up the second ball and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath as Nicki narrated his actions.
"It seems as though Micaiah is trying to concentrate." She whispered in a sportscasters voice. "He has to redeem himself from the last throw in which he completely missed. Can he do it? The crowd is on pins and needles." Micaiah spun his arm and threw the ball with all of his might. He knocked all of them down. "And the crowd goes wild! Ahhhhhh!"
"Good job son." Safaree patted his back.
"Here you go." The game attendant handed him the dolphin.
"Thank you." Micaiah said before handing it over to Nicki.
"Aw." Nicki said. "Kenzie give your brother a kiss."
"She can't kiss. Can she?"
"Yeah. Come closer and ask her for one."
He moved closer to MacKenzie.
"Kiss?" Micaiah asked and MacKenzie leaned as far as she could, with Nicki's assistance, and placed her lips on his cheek. He pulled away and a string of spit followed. He wiped it off. "Ew, Mook."
"Aww." Nicki laughed. "That's the best part. That's love."
"What's next?" Safaree asked.
They spent a few more hours in the carnival until they decided that they were tired. Safaree found a decent hotel for them to stay in. After Nicki looked it over they began to get settled while Safaree went to get something to eat.
"Caiah, have you seen her crawl?" Nicki asked.
"No."
"Take that blanket and spread it out on the floor."
He did as told and Nicki put MacKenzie on her stomach on it. MacKenzie just sat there.
"Come on, Kenzie." Nicki encouraged.
"Come on, Mookie." Micaiah said but she didn't move.
Nicki placed her pacifier and her purple dog a few inches on front of her. MacKenzie began reaching for them but still didn't get on her hands and knees to crawl towards it. She started fussing.
"MacKenzie." Nicki said sternly and MacKenzie turned her head and continued to whine. "You ain't getting nothing if you don't work for it." MacKenzie stopped fussing and laid her head down. "Seriously?"
"Ma, its ok." Micaiah laughed.
"No, how she just gone decide to not crawl?" Nicki asked rhetorically. "MacKenzie Grace." MacKenzie rolled over onto her back and ignored Nicki. "Word? You can stay on the floor than. Stubborn ass."
Nicki sat on the edge of the bed and watched MacKenzie play with her feet while Micaiah went back to watching t.v.
Soon Safaree returned and they all ate. After eating, everyone showered then got comfortable in the king sized bed. Micaiah laid across the bottom while MacKenzie laid in between Safaree and Nicki. Nicki let it be known that he shouldn't cross that line, which was MacKenzie's small body.
"Maaa, can you shut her up?" Micaiah asked agitated. MacKenzie had been doing a high pitched scream for the past fifteen minutes.
"She not crying. Just turn the t.v. up." Safaree said.
"Don't turn it up." Nicki pulled her closer but MacKenzie tried to squirm away. Nicki pulled her closer once more but she put her foot into Nicki's stomach and pushed hard. Nicki's eyes got wide.
"Take her, Safaree."
She got up and went into the bathroom. She knew that MacKenzie hadn't done it on purpose but it freaked her out. She wiped the tears from her face then calmed herself. She returned to the bedroom and climbed into bed. Safaree looked at her funny.
"You straight?"
"Um hmm."
"Nic?"
"She kicked me in the stomach." She mouthed then began speaking. "I don't think they're getting along."
Nicki noticed that lately MacKenzie was pulling away from her more and more. She really believed that the new baby and MacKenzie had already formed a sibling relationship.
"Who's not getting along?" Micaiah turned to them and asked.
"The barbz." She didn't know where that lie came from but he believed it.
"Why they always fighting?" Micaiah asked.
"Unmmm." She shrugged and he turned around.
"They're fine, Nicki." Safaree said as he rubbed MacKenzie's back. She was laying on his bare chest and falling asleep as she listened to his heartbeat.
"Maybe you're right." She sighed and turned over. She stared at the door and thought about nothing until she fell asleep.
Nicki looked across the playground at MacKenzie and Micaiah on the slide before she sat down on the swing. She just stared at them until she heard someone humming. The song sounded familiar but the person kept changing the cadence. She turned her head to see the little girl, kicking her feet and humming. She was staring at Nicki. Nicki stared back for a minute at her black dress, stockings and shoes.
"Can you sing it to me?" She asked.
"Sing what?"
"One of your songs." She smiled."Oh." Nicki raised an eyebrow and smiled. For a minute she thought the girl to be a very young fan but something told her she was more. "What song?"
"Um, this one." The girl began humming and Nicki looked at her quizzically until it dawned on her what she was singing.
"Oh." She smiled. "It all comes down to this. I miss your morning kiss. I won't lie, Im feeling it."
"You don't know when I'm missing it." The little girl joined in. "I'm so dumb, I must admit, its too much to hold it in."
"So, why do you do it?" The little interrupted and girl asked.
"Huh?"
"Hold it all in. Its dumb." She looked across the playground, not making eye contact with Nicki.
"I don't know."
"You love him?"
"Of course."
"Well, that's it."
"Its not that simple."
"Its not that hard. You just say, "I. Love. You.""
"He cheated on me. I'd be a fool to take him back."
"Who says?"
"Its just the rules of life."
"That's dumb too." She stood.
"How would you know? You're a kid." The little girl shrugged and started walking. "Where are you going? Don't you think you should wait for your parents."
"I'm fine." She smiled. "But, you should reconsider. I mean, he forgave you."
"Its different."
She shrugged, "If you say so."
She began walking again and Nicki followed her. Nicki kept glancing back at her children but the further she walked the further she got away from them. When she looked forward again they were in a dark cemetery. She called out for the girl but she kept walking until she reached a ditch.
"Come on." She called out to Nicki but Nicki shook her head. "Come on. When everything falls apart it comes here. This is where dreams come to die. Come look."
"No."
"Fine." The little girl turned and readied herself to jump.
"No! Stop!" But it was too late.
Nicki awoke in a sweat. She sat up and looked around as she tried to steady her breathing. She bit her lip as she scanned the room. Her eyes landed on Safaree's open arm. She laid down and moved over until she found her body against his. Instinctively he pulled her a little closer. She fell asleep in seconds and didn't dream about the little girl at all again that night.
Thank you to you guys who make it a point to comment on every post. You guys give me even more ideas and stuff from your feedback. Oh, and @NickiMMemphis sent me this visual of what she thinks Kenzie looks like and I agree. Here it is: http://m.lockerz.com/s/276156222 . Cute, right?
"Ugh!" She grunted loudly and stormed to the closet to get a robe. When she returned she just stared at him. "Get up, Safaree! We gotta go pick up Micaiah."
She stayed around long enough just to see him lift his head off of the pillow. She made her way to the kitchen and quickly made MacKenzie a bottle before hurrying back upstairs to give it to her. When she made it to MacKenzie's side she handed her the bottle to hold for herself. She wiped at MacKenzie's tears then rubbed her head to soothe her some more. After staring at her little girl for a while she went to her drawers and closet and pulled out something for her to wear for the day. After she finished that task she made her way back over to a babbling MacKenzie and took the bottle away. MacKenzie began to fuss.
"Look mamacita." She showed her the empty bottle. "All gone." She smiled and handed MacKenzie her small, stuffed dog. MacKenzie squealed and began kicking which caused Nicki to laugh a little.
"Mommy'll be right back. Ok?" MacKenzie ignored Nicki's statement as she began to chew on the stuffed animal.
She took the bottle to the kitchen and washed it before returning back upstairs. She made her way to her bedroom to get ready for the day. As she walked into the bedroom, Safaree was exiting the bathroom with just his towel wrapped around his waist. She froze and just stared at him, not knowing what to say or do.
"You wanna talk about last night?" He asked.
"No." She huffed and began to walk towards the bathroom but he stood in her way. "Move, Safaree."
"I thought the point of makeup sex was to actually makeup." He chuckled.
"It wasn't makeup sex. It was an angry fuck."
He shrugged, "Still happened."
"Please, let me forget."
"Nicki, eventually you gotta talk to me. Eventually you gotta either let everything thing out or let it go. I'm trying." He searched her eyes but her face was still very stoic.
"You cheated on me, Safaree. I don't owe you shit! I said I don't wanna talk about it, none of it. So let it the fuck go! We made this arrangement for a reason and if you can't handle-"
"This arrangement is stupid. We both know that. You wanna pretend to be happy for now but what do you think comes next? Eventually somebody is going to get hurt."
"I'M ALREADY HURT!"
"Nic, I know but having me here for the kids is a lie. You proved that last night. You don't want anybody else and neither do I."
"Well, why did you fuck her?"
"The same reason you run to Webb everytime we have problems."
"I don't fucking run to We-"
"Nicki, I know about him and you."
"You don't know a got damn thing!"
"Really? I know that when you told me back in the day that you fucked him once that it was a lie." She said nothing. "You letting your pride get in the way of something much bigger and you not gone realize it until its too late."
"Stop trying to make this into the Safaree pity party. You fucked up. You fucked up, Safaree, and now you have to figure out how to fix it. I'm not going to tell you how I fucking feel because right now I don't too much give a shit about being with you. You wanna fix us? Figure that shit out."
She pushed pass him and went into the bathroom and slammed the door. She slipped out of the robe and turned the shower on. She stepped in without checking the temperature. Her skin instantly became red as the hot water hit her skin but she felt nothing. She never thought it to be possible but her heart hurt to the point where physical pain wasn't a factor. Her breathing became hitched as she cried. She hoped that Safaree wouldn't hear her as she slide to the shower floor and wrapped her arms around her knees and pulled them close. Safaree stood on the other side of the door helplessly listening to his wife's pain. In that moment he finally felt exactly what she felt, he just didn't know how to let her know.
They pulled up to the pick up point as soon as the bus arrived. As soon as Safaree parked the car Nicki hopped out and joined the line of parents waiting for their kids to get off. Safaree got out of the car and went to get MacKenzie out. As soon as Micaiah stepped off of the bus he ran to his mother. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight.
"Oh, I missed you." She kissed his cheek. "I missed you." She kissed his forehead. "I missed you." She kissed all over his face.
"Stop, Ma." He pushed her hand away laughing.
"Sup, man." Safaree pushed his head.
"Nothing." He opened his arms indicating that he wanted to hold his sister. Safaree handed her over.
"Be careful, Caiah." Nicki said. She wasn't used to him holding her outside.
"I got it, Ma." He said. "I lift weights heavier than her."
"Word?" Nicki laughed.
"Yo, where your bags at?" Safaree asked.
"Over there." He nodded his head to the row of bags that the bus driver had lined up. "Mine got my name on em."
"I know." Safaree said as he made his way towards them.
"When we leave, Ma?"
"Tomorrow or the next day. You need to finish that summer packet thing and we need to wash those dirty camp clothes."
"Ok."
"Come on." She grabbed MacKenzie from him and began walking towards the truck once she saw that Safaree had the bags.
"Did you cook, Ma?"
"That's all you care about. You didn't even tell me you missed me." She shook her head.
"I did." He laughed. "But I missed your cooking even more."
"Word?" She said with raised eyebrows as she opened the door to put MacKenzie in her car seat.
"Not like that, Ma. You know I luh you guh." Nicki began to laugh as she fastened MacKenzie in. "Seriously, did you cook?"
"Go help your dad with the bags clown." She closed the door and went to open the passenger side door.
"Ok." He laughed and did as told. When they reached the back of the truck Micaiah noticed Safaree's stick figure sticker gone. "Where's your stick figure at?"
"I dunno." Safaree lied. He knew Nicki ripped it off out of anger. He opened the trunk and placed the two bags in. "Lets go."
"Ma." Micaiah said as he climbed into the truck.
"Yes?" She looked back.
"What happened to Dad's stick figure thingy?"
"I dunno. Its not up there?"
"Nope." He looked at her funny and she turned around.
The rest of the way back home Micaiah talked their ears off about all the things he had done at camp. Nicki clung to his every word. She had really missed him. The three weeks that they were apart was the longest they'd been separated since before Micaiah and Safaree had moved to California. She was glad that he was getting his first normal summer in a while. The rest were filled with Nicki's work schedule. When they arrived home Safaree and Micaiah grabbed his bags while Nicki got MacKenzie and opened the door. Micaiah dropped his bag by the door and instantly ran to go play video games.
"Un uh. Micaiah! Get back here." She sat MacKenzie in her high chair in the kitchen and waited for Micaiah to reappear.
"Yes?"
"Go take those bags and put them in the laundry room."
"Ok." He started to do what he was told but she stopped him.
"Wait." He huffed. "Don't get popped boy. Now, I want four piles. Football equipment, whites, darks, and then regular coloreds."
"Maaaaa." He whined and she gave him a blank stare. He sighed before walking away mumbling.
"I told you before young sir, if you got something to say then speak up. Other than that, keep it in your head!"
"Yes, ma'am." He called behind him.
They hadn't even been on the road for two hours yet and they had already stopped four times. The first time they had to pull over and search the whole car for Micaiah's iPod, which was in his pocket, the second was to change MacKenzie, the third was to get Nicki something to eat and the forth time was so that Micaiah and Nicki could switch seats so that Nicki could be closer to MacKenzie. Safaree didn't see this trip lasting very long or them going very far but he decided against saying anything.
"Shouldn't we be singing like songs and stuff?" Nicki randomly asked.
"No." Safaree said.
"I'm pretty darn sure we should." She said in a perky but creepy voice.
"Ma-"
She took a deep breath then sang out, "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beeeeeeeer!"
"Mama, please."
"You take one down. . ."
"Maaaaaaaa!"
"Pass it around. . ." Micaiah just glared at her.
"99 bottles of beer on the wall!" She laughed obnoxiously and Safaree cracked a smile. Micaiah didn't find her show entertaining at all.
"Ma, there's this new thing called the radio, we let it do the singing around here." He said sarcastically.
"The radio is far from being new, sir." She rolled her eyes.
"She would know." Safaree mumbled and Micaiah started laughing.
"Excuse me." She rolled her neck and eyes. "Are you implying that I'm old?! I'm not old. I'm only thirty one."
It was quiet for a moment until Micaiah spoke.
"Old." He said and him and Safaree laughed hysterically.
"Micaiah, all of your friends parents are pushing forty. Lets not."
"They old too." He replied and he and Safaree shared another laugh.
She rolled her eyes, "You know what. . ."
"Daddy ain't getting none?"
"WHAT?!" Her eyes nearly popped out of her head as she began laughing. "Wait. No. This isn't funny, Nicki." She told herself.
"Its really not." Safaree looked at her through the rearview mirror.
She took a deep breath to compose herself.
"Your Dad isn't getting what, Micaiah?" She asked, still smiling.
"I don't know." He shrugged.
"You know, that's why you said it. What he ain't getting?"
"Kisses." He said and blushed a little. Nicki grinned from ear to ear at his innocence.
"That's not-"
"That's exactly what it means, Safaree." She kicked the back of his chair.
"I know." He huffed.
"Well, act like it." She rolled her eyes.
Safaree let out a sigh and then Nicki mimicked him. Micaiah looked back and forth between the two of them.
'Should've known the happy wouldn't last long.' Safaree thought.
They drove for a few more hours until they came across a carnival. Micaiah begged them to stop and so they did. Everyone put on baseball caps and pulled them down to the brow. Safaree put MacKenzie in the baby carrier then put in on the front of his body. They ate then began to walk around.
"Ma, lets get on that!" Micaiah pointed to one of the rides.
"Why don't you take your Dad?" She smiled.
"He's got Kenzie."
"I'll take Kenzie."
"But we always go one one together."
"Not today. Ok?"
"But why?"
"I just don't feel like it, Micaiah. Stop questioning me." Now was not the time to tell him that she was pregnant but he kept pushing the issue and she was growing irritated.
"Here." Safaree pulled the straps off and handed MacKenzie to Nicki.
"Imma go play that game." Nicki said as she pulled the straps over her shoulder.
"No, you're not." Safaree said.
"Safaree."
"Nicki, I ain't got time to fight off a crowd if somebody spot you. Stay your ass by this ride till we get off."
"Fine." She rolled her eyes and followed close behind them. She stood behind the gate and watched the ride until the got off. Once they were done Micaiah dragged them to another ride and then another.
"Can we go play the games now?" Nicki asked as they approached her after riding their third ride.
"Yeah, come on." Safaree said and they began walking.
"I wanna play this one." Nicki stopped in front of the game where you have to knock the bottles down. "Kenzie wants the pink dolphin."
"Ok." Safaree said.
Safaree payed for each of them to get three throws. Nicki went first and missed the bottles all three times. She instantly came up with the conclusion that the game was rigged, even though she hit nothing at all. Safaree went next and knocked down one bottle and moved two, he came up with the same conclusion. Micaiah was up next.
"You want the dolphin, Mookie?" He asked MacKenzie and she babbled. "I got you sis."
"I wanna see this." Safaree said.
"Don't do my baby." Nicki rolled her eyes. "Go ahead Caiah."
Micaiah's first throw missed. Safaree laughed a little and Micaiah glared at him. He picked up the second ball and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath as Nicki narrated his actions.
"It seems as though Micaiah is trying to concentrate." She whispered in a sportscasters voice. "He has to redeem himself from the last throw in which he completely missed. Can he do it? The crowd is on pins and needles." Micaiah spun his arm and threw the ball with all of his might. He knocked all of them down. "And the crowd goes wild! Ahhhhhh!"
"Good job son." Safaree patted his back.
"Here you go." The game attendant handed him the dolphin.
"Thank you." Micaiah said before handing it over to Nicki.
"Aw." Nicki said. "Kenzie give your brother a kiss."
"She can't kiss. Can she?"
"Yeah. Come closer and ask her for one."
He moved closer to MacKenzie.
"Kiss?" Micaiah asked and MacKenzie leaned as far as she could, with Nicki's assistance, and placed her lips on his cheek. He pulled away and a string of spit followed. He wiped it off. "Ew, Mook."
"Aww." Nicki laughed. "That's the best part. That's love."
"What's next?" Safaree asked.
They spent a few more hours in the carnival until they decided that they were tired. Safaree found a decent hotel for them to stay in. After Nicki looked it over they began to get settled while Safaree went to get something to eat.
"Caiah, have you seen her crawl?" Nicki asked.
"No."
"Take that blanket and spread it out on the floor."
He did as told and Nicki put MacKenzie on her stomach on it. MacKenzie just sat there.
"Come on, Kenzie." Nicki encouraged.
"Come on, Mookie." Micaiah said but she didn't move.
Nicki placed her pacifier and her purple dog a few inches on front of her. MacKenzie began reaching for them but still didn't get on her hands and knees to crawl towards it. She started fussing.
"MacKenzie." Nicki said sternly and MacKenzie turned her head and continued to whine. "You ain't getting nothing if you don't work for it." MacKenzie stopped fussing and laid her head down. "Seriously?"
"Ma, its ok." Micaiah laughed.
"No, how she just gone decide to not crawl?" Nicki asked rhetorically. "MacKenzie Grace." MacKenzie rolled over onto her back and ignored Nicki. "Word? You can stay on the floor than. Stubborn ass."
Nicki sat on the edge of the bed and watched MacKenzie play with her feet while Micaiah went back to watching t.v.
Soon Safaree returned and they all ate. After eating, everyone showered then got comfortable in the king sized bed. Micaiah laid across the bottom while MacKenzie laid in between Safaree and Nicki. Nicki let it be known that he shouldn't cross that line, which was MacKenzie's small body.
"Maaa, can you shut her up?" Micaiah asked agitated. MacKenzie had been doing a high pitched scream for the past fifteen minutes.
"She not crying. Just turn the t.v. up." Safaree said.
"Don't turn it up." Nicki pulled her closer but MacKenzie tried to squirm away. Nicki pulled her closer once more but she put her foot into Nicki's stomach and pushed hard. Nicki's eyes got wide.
"Take her, Safaree."
She got up and went into the bathroom. She knew that MacKenzie hadn't done it on purpose but it freaked her out. She wiped the tears from her face then calmed herself. She returned to the bedroom and climbed into bed. Safaree looked at her funny.
"You straight?"
"Um hmm."
"Nic?"
"She kicked me in the stomach." She mouthed then began speaking. "I don't think they're getting along."
Nicki noticed that lately MacKenzie was pulling away from her more and more. She really believed that the new baby and MacKenzie had already formed a sibling relationship.
"Who's not getting along?" Micaiah turned to them and asked.
"The barbz." She didn't know where that lie came from but he believed it.
"Why they always fighting?" Micaiah asked.
"Unmmm." She shrugged and he turned around.
"They're fine, Nicki." Safaree said as he rubbed MacKenzie's back. She was laying on his bare chest and falling asleep as she listened to his heartbeat.
"Maybe you're right." She sighed and turned over. She stared at the door and thought about nothing until she fell asleep.
Nicki looked across the playground at MacKenzie and Micaiah on the slide before she sat down on the swing. She just stared at them until she heard someone humming. The song sounded familiar but the person kept changing the cadence. She turned her head to see the little girl, kicking her feet and humming. She was staring at Nicki. Nicki stared back for a minute at her black dress, stockings and shoes.
"Can you sing it to me?" She asked.
"Sing what?"
"One of your songs." She smiled."Oh." Nicki raised an eyebrow and smiled. For a minute she thought the girl to be a very young fan but something told her she was more. "What song?"
"Um, this one." The girl began humming and Nicki looked at her quizzically until it dawned on her what she was singing.
"Oh." She smiled. "It all comes down to this. I miss your morning kiss. I won't lie, Im feeling it."
"You don't know when I'm missing it." The little girl joined in. "I'm so dumb, I must admit, its too much to hold it in."
"So, why do you do it?" The little interrupted and girl asked.
"Huh?"
"Hold it all in. Its dumb." She looked across the playground, not making eye contact with Nicki.
"I don't know."
"You love him?"
"Of course."
"Well, that's it."
"Its not that simple."
"Its not that hard. You just say, "I. Love. You.""
"He cheated on me. I'd be a fool to take him back."
"Who says?"
"Its just the rules of life."
"That's dumb too." She stood.
"How would you know? You're a kid." The little girl shrugged and started walking. "Where are you going? Don't you think you should wait for your parents."
"I'm fine." She smiled. "But, you should reconsider. I mean, he forgave you."
"Its different."
She shrugged, "If you say so."
She began walking again and Nicki followed her. Nicki kept glancing back at her children but the further she walked the further she got away from them. When she looked forward again they were in a dark cemetery. She called out for the girl but she kept walking until she reached a ditch.
"Come on." She called out to Nicki but Nicki shook her head. "Come on. When everything falls apart it comes here. This is where dreams come to die. Come look."
"No."
"Fine." The little girl turned and readied herself to jump.
"No! Stop!" But it was too late.
Nicki awoke in a sweat. She sat up and looked around as she tried to steady her breathing. She bit her lip as she scanned the room. Her eyes landed on Safaree's open arm. She laid down and moved over until she found her body against his. Instinctively he pulled her a little closer. She fell asleep in seconds and didn't dream about the little girl at all again that night.
Thank you to you guys who make it a point to comment on every post. You guys give me even more ideas and stuff from your feedback. Oh, and @NickiMMemphis sent me this visual of what she thinks Kenzie looks like and I agree. Here it is: http://m.lockerz.com/s/276156222 . Cute, right?
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Two Negatives
Nicki sat on her bed Indian style with MacKenzie eating a bowl of cereal and listening to music of potential artist and songwriters to sign. She was beginning to grow apprehensive about letting Safaree come back. How would she be able to mask her hate for him? She wouldn't. As soon as she began to call him she saw him making his way down the hall with his bags.
"Hi." He said.
"Hi." Her eyes followed him into the closet but darted to MacKenzie who rolled over. "Oh my God!" She quickly put her bowl on the nightstand and grabbed the child before she could roll again. "Would you stop doing that?!"
"What?" Safaree asked reappearing in the room.
"MacKenzie, she keeps, uh, rolling over." She said, barely making eye contact with him.
"She taking pictures today?"
"Yeah, with Raul."
"Oh, ok." He moved closer and took MacKenzie from Nicki. "Come here mama. I got you something."
He placed her on the bed the positioned himself on his knees in front of it. MacKenzie's hands instantly went to her left sock and she began to pull at it. Safaree just watched her for a minute with a goofy smile on his face. She had the face of Nicki when she was focused in on a difficult task. It was crazy how she looked just like her mother to him. When she finally pulled the sock off she went to put it in her mouth.
"Un uh." Nicki took the sock from her and took the other one off. MacKenzie looked at her confused and Nicki rolled her eyes. "Don't give me that look."
Safaree chuckled, "Here baby girl. Look what Daddy got you for tuning six months." He pulled a small box out and let her hold it.
"What's that?" Nicki asked. He took the box from MacKenzie and opened it to let her see the small, pink diamond earrings. "How much did you spend on these?"
"Why does it matter?"
"Cause she'll probably pull them out her ear and lose them and she's gonna outgrow them. It'll be a waste of money if-"
"Doesn't matter."
"Whatever." She rolled her eyes.
"Here." He pulled another box out his pocket and gestured for her to take it.
"No thanks." She pushed his hand away.
"Just take it."
"I. Said. NO. THANKS."
He huffed and put the box on the nightstand before putting MacKenzie's new earrings in. When he was done he sat her on the opposite side of Nicki.
"I hope you didn't put them in too tight." She remarked smartly.
"What time we leaving?" He asked.
"We?"
"Yeah, this her first little photo shoot."
"I guess." She huffed. "We have to be there by 2:30, it should be over by four."
"Alright." He hovered over her awkwardly.
She huffed, "Can I help you?"
"How long did you know?"
"Huh?"
"The baby. How long did you know? I mean, you wasn't drinking to-"
"To what?" She squinted her eyes at him. "The day I found out is the day I told you. I would never do anything to hurt any child, especially mine."
"I know." He sighed and began to feel like an ass. It was like he was never saying the right thing anymore.
"Besides I talked to the doctor. Since I'm not a heavy drinker and I don't drink often he said she should be fine."
"She? Isn't it to early to call the sex?" He chuckled.
"I keep having this dreams about a little girl." She said seriously.
"It could be random or, or maybe its MacKenzie."
"No, because Kenzie and Caiah are always together in my dream and then there's the little girl. ." her voice became small. "asking me to sing for her."
"And then what?"
"Nothing. Nevermind." She said with irritation.
"Come on." He urged. He didn't know why this dream intrigued him but he wanted to know more.
"And then she jumps off a cliff or walks into a burning building or something. It always changes." Her voice started at a high with an attitude then began to get low and sad. "She's never by my side at the end."
"I'm sorry ba-, I mean, Nicki. Its just a dream though."
"My mother had a dream about our house burning down before it actually happened." Tears began to form in her eyes. "I can't take losing another one, Faree. I can't."
He hugged her and let her cry into his stomach. She gripped his shirt tight like she didn't want to let him go. He began to rub her back and she tensed up. She pulled away.
"I'm fine." She wiped at her face. "We should really go."
"Alright."
They made their way into the studio and Nicki looked over the set and the props. MacKenzie's set was on a level that hers was when she did photo shoots. The reason behind doing the photo shoot was to simply get MacKenzie's baby pictures done but she wanted them to be done right.
"Nicki, darling. Darling, Nicki." She heard Raul call out in his French accent as he made his way to her.
"Hi." She smiled.
"Where's mini Nicki?"
"Her Dad is getting her changed." She laughed.
"Ok. So, we discussed the black and white shots, bare bottom, and possible beach."
"And the finger paint one but I'm not sure about it."
"Why?"
"I know she's gonna eat it." She laughed.
"We scratch it then." He waved at the air and shrugged.
"Ok."
"Where do we start?"
"With the black and whites cause those are the most important. Once she starts fussing, its a wrap."
"Ok."
Thirty minutes into the shoot and things were running smoothly. Nicki stood behind Raul and called out to MacKenzie so that she would look straight ahead. Everytime the bright flash went off she would either shut her eyes tight or jump and begin kicking her feet and laughing. Safaree made sure to keep a comfortable distance between himself and Nicki just because.
"Ok, Nicki." Raul turned to her and smiled. "Next outfit."
"Ok." Nicki walked over to where MacKenzie was sat and picked her up.
"I wanna do a few Birdseye shots so when you bring her back just center her on her back."
"Ok." As soon as Nicki went to turn MacKenzie spit up on her. "Ugh, Kenzie." MacKenzie began smiling which made Nicki playfully roll her eyes. "Its not funny rugrat."
"Here, I'll take her while you get cleaned up." Safaree reached out and Nicki passed MacKenzie to him.
"Put her in the pink tutu with the pink stripped leggings."
"Alright."
After getting MacKenzie dressed Safaree positioned her in the spot that Raul wanted. As soon as Safaree stepped away she rolled over onto her stomach. He chuckled and went to turn her around again. Once he stepped away she rolled over again and everyone started laughing. He stood back and decided to watch her. It was apparent that she rolled over for a reason and he wanted to know why. She pushed up on her hands and knees and began to crawl. He smiled wide until he felt Nicki's small fist against his arm.
"Why didn't you come get me?!"
"She just started."
As soon as MacKenzie heard Nicki's voice she sat up on her bottom and began looking for her. She looked around but the lights were too bright. Her lip began to quiver and Nicki started to walk towards her until Safaree grabbed her arm.
"Let me go." Nicki demanded.
"Leave her."
"No."
"She's never going to be independent if you don't let her figure things out."
"She's a baby, Safaree."
"She's spoiled, Nicki." He mimicked her voice.
"If you don't-" She felt a wave of sickness hit her. She took a deep breath to compose herself.
"Sick?" He asked and she nodded. "Go."
He watched her rush off before turning his attention back to Mackenzie who was now playing with the photographers assistant, not missing Nicki at all. He figured out on his night alone with Mackenzie that she wasn't used to calming herself when she got upset because Nicki rarely let her get upset. He didn't like to hear MacKenzie scream but she was always being held. If she couldn't handle being on her own now, it would only get worse when the new baby arrived.
When Nicki reappeared to the set she was greeted by the sight of her six month old child in a diaper with her Father's 'SB' chain around her neck. Everyone was 'ooing' and 'awing' but the sight annoyed her for some reason. Mostly because she thought it might be too heavy for the childs neck but also just because everything Safaree did pissed her off now. Before she could make it to her to snatch it off Safaree did it for her.
"Alright, Mommy, that's enough." He smiled and placed his jewelry around his own neck before picking her up.
"That's a wrap on Mini Nicki!" Raul yelled.
"You guys are done already?" She frowned.
"Yup." He smiled but she felt like she'd missed the entire thing, including MacKenzie starting to crawl. "I'll send all the photo's over to you and you send back the ones you want."
"Ok." She forced a smile.
A few moments later they had gathered all of MacKenzie's belongings and made it to the car. When they were alone they were either arguing or in an awkward silence. This moment was awkwardly silent until Safaree spoke.
"I can't believe she's six months today." He chuckled a little but Nicki said nothing. "Remember when we first found out you were pregnant?"
Nicki came into the master bedroom and closed the door behind her. She had just finished helping with a 'Going Green' project and Micaiah's school where they went to clean up in the area and planted flowers. She didn't want to go but Micaiah begged her.
"Hey babe." Safaree smiled.
"Hey." She instantly began stripping off the filthy clothes.
"How was it?"
"It actually wasn't bad." She smiled. "I broke a freaking nail but that's all I'll complain about."
"That's good."
"Adam is here. His mom is going to pick him up around seven."
"Ok."
"You want some chocolate?" She smiled.
"Nah."
"We got a freezer full if you want some." She laughed.
"What?"
"We were driving and the boys begged me to stop at this candy store so I did and everything smelled so good, Faree." She disappeared into the closet with the dirty close and reappeared holding her robe. "I know I shouldn't have it but that's all I been wanting lately. I think Mother nature is going to start visiting soon."
"Really?" He looked at her quizzically. He body looked like it was changing, not a lot but enough for him to notice. He also remembered her craving chocolate like crazy when she first got pregnant with Micaiah. He smiled.
"Um, hmm." She turned to walk towards the bathroom.
"Nic." She turned to see him rummaging through the drawer of the nightstand. He pulled out a pregnancy test and stood. "Take this."
"No, Safaree."
"Come on. Let's just see."
"I told you, I'm done trying for now and-"
"Look, just take it. I'll look for you. If its negative. . .we don't even have to talk about it."
She snatched the test from him and went to take it. She left it on the bathroom counter for him to find while she showered. After the specified time passed he went to check it. He double then triple check it with the instructions. He put it down then made his way to the shower. He got in wearing his pajama pants. He wrapped his arms around Nicki.
"I told you we shouldn't have."
"Its positive."
"Wh-what?" She turned to face him.
He smiled, "Its positive!"
"Oh. My. Faree." She began to tear up. "We're gonna have a. ."
"Baby." He smiled before passionately kissing her.
When they reached the house she went to the kitchen and he went to put Mackenzie in her crib. Nicki still wasn't speaking to him. She started dinner.
"You gotta talk to me sometime." His voice made her jump.
"When Micaiah gets back we aren't going to tell him about the baby, not yet. We're going on a roadtrip and you have to work."
"No, I don't."
"No, that's what were telling him. I'm not going to be stuck on the road with you."
"And I'm not letting my pregnant wife drive around the country with a baby and a ten year old."
"You sure do use that wife word proudly."
"Cause you are my wife."
"Oh."
"Look, it was your idea to have me come back knowing the situation. If you don't want him to catch on then you need to pull your shit together. No games. No mindfucks."
"Whatever." She heard him walk away. "Don't think you're sleeping in MY bed."
"I'm not, I'm sleeping in mine! I'm home baby!" He laughed knowing that he was getting under her skin. At first he told himself to enter the situation as a mature adult but he knew Nicki would be the complete opposite so for every negative she threw at him he was going to throw one back.
"Hi." He said.
"Hi." Her eyes followed him into the closet but darted to MacKenzie who rolled over. "Oh my God!" She quickly put her bowl on the nightstand and grabbed the child before she could roll again. "Would you stop doing that?!"
"What?" Safaree asked reappearing in the room.
"MacKenzie, she keeps, uh, rolling over." She said, barely making eye contact with him.
"She taking pictures today?"
"Yeah, with Raul."
"Oh, ok." He moved closer and took MacKenzie from Nicki. "Come here mama. I got you something."
He placed her on the bed the positioned himself on his knees in front of it. MacKenzie's hands instantly went to her left sock and she began to pull at it. Safaree just watched her for a minute with a goofy smile on his face. She had the face of Nicki when she was focused in on a difficult task. It was crazy how she looked just like her mother to him. When she finally pulled the sock off she went to put it in her mouth.
"Un uh." Nicki took the sock from her and took the other one off. MacKenzie looked at her confused and Nicki rolled her eyes. "Don't give me that look."
Safaree chuckled, "Here baby girl. Look what Daddy got you for tuning six months." He pulled a small box out and let her hold it.
"What's that?" Nicki asked. He took the box from MacKenzie and opened it to let her see the small, pink diamond earrings. "How much did you spend on these?"
"Why does it matter?"
"Cause she'll probably pull them out her ear and lose them and she's gonna outgrow them. It'll be a waste of money if-"
"Doesn't matter."
"Whatever." She rolled her eyes.
"Here." He pulled another box out his pocket and gestured for her to take it.
"No thanks." She pushed his hand away.
"Just take it."
"I. Said. NO. THANKS."
He huffed and put the box on the nightstand before putting MacKenzie's new earrings in. When he was done he sat her on the opposite side of Nicki.
"I hope you didn't put them in too tight." She remarked smartly.
"What time we leaving?" He asked.
"We?"
"Yeah, this her first little photo shoot."
"I guess." She huffed. "We have to be there by 2:30, it should be over by four."
"Alright." He hovered over her awkwardly.
She huffed, "Can I help you?"
"How long did you know?"
"Huh?"
"The baby. How long did you know? I mean, you wasn't drinking to-"
"To what?" She squinted her eyes at him. "The day I found out is the day I told you. I would never do anything to hurt any child, especially mine."
"I know." He sighed and began to feel like an ass. It was like he was never saying the right thing anymore.
"Besides I talked to the doctor. Since I'm not a heavy drinker and I don't drink often he said she should be fine."
"She? Isn't it to early to call the sex?" He chuckled.
"I keep having this dreams about a little girl." She said seriously.
"It could be random or, or maybe its MacKenzie."
"No, because Kenzie and Caiah are always together in my dream and then there's the little girl. ." her voice became small. "asking me to sing for her."
"And then what?"
"Nothing. Nevermind." She said with irritation.
"Come on." He urged. He didn't know why this dream intrigued him but he wanted to know more.
"And then she jumps off a cliff or walks into a burning building or something. It always changes." Her voice started at a high with an attitude then began to get low and sad. "She's never by my side at the end."
"I'm sorry ba-, I mean, Nicki. Its just a dream though."
"My mother had a dream about our house burning down before it actually happened." Tears began to form in her eyes. "I can't take losing another one, Faree. I can't."
He hugged her and let her cry into his stomach. She gripped his shirt tight like she didn't want to let him go. He began to rub her back and she tensed up. She pulled away.
"I'm fine." She wiped at her face. "We should really go."
"Alright."
They made their way into the studio and Nicki looked over the set and the props. MacKenzie's set was on a level that hers was when she did photo shoots. The reason behind doing the photo shoot was to simply get MacKenzie's baby pictures done but she wanted them to be done right.
"Nicki, darling. Darling, Nicki." She heard Raul call out in his French accent as he made his way to her.
"Hi." She smiled.
"Where's mini Nicki?"
"Her Dad is getting her changed." She laughed.
"Ok. So, we discussed the black and white shots, bare bottom, and possible beach."
"And the finger paint one but I'm not sure about it."
"Why?"
"I know she's gonna eat it." She laughed.
"We scratch it then." He waved at the air and shrugged.
"Ok."
"Where do we start?"
"With the black and whites cause those are the most important. Once she starts fussing, its a wrap."
"Ok."
Thirty minutes into the shoot and things were running smoothly. Nicki stood behind Raul and called out to MacKenzie so that she would look straight ahead. Everytime the bright flash went off she would either shut her eyes tight or jump and begin kicking her feet and laughing. Safaree made sure to keep a comfortable distance between himself and Nicki just because.
"Ok, Nicki." Raul turned to her and smiled. "Next outfit."
"Ok." Nicki walked over to where MacKenzie was sat and picked her up.
"I wanna do a few Birdseye shots so when you bring her back just center her on her back."
"Ok." As soon as Nicki went to turn MacKenzie spit up on her. "Ugh, Kenzie." MacKenzie began smiling which made Nicki playfully roll her eyes. "Its not funny rugrat."
"Here, I'll take her while you get cleaned up." Safaree reached out and Nicki passed MacKenzie to him.
"Put her in the pink tutu with the pink stripped leggings."
"Alright."
After getting MacKenzie dressed Safaree positioned her in the spot that Raul wanted. As soon as Safaree stepped away she rolled over onto her stomach. He chuckled and went to turn her around again. Once he stepped away she rolled over again and everyone started laughing. He stood back and decided to watch her. It was apparent that she rolled over for a reason and he wanted to know why. She pushed up on her hands and knees and began to crawl. He smiled wide until he felt Nicki's small fist against his arm.
"Why didn't you come get me?!"
"She just started."
As soon as MacKenzie heard Nicki's voice she sat up on her bottom and began looking for her. She looked around but the lights were too bright. Her lip began to quiver and Nicki started to walk towards her until Safaree grabbed her arm.
"Let me go." Nicki demanded.
"Leave her."
"No."
"She's never going to be independent if you don't let her figure things out."
"She's a baby, Safaree."
"She's spoiled, Nicki." He mimicked her voice.
"If you don't-" She felt a wave of sickness hit her. She took a deep breath to compose herself.
"Sick?" He asked and she nodded. "Go."
He watched her rush off before turning his attention back to Mackenzie who was now playing with the photographers assistant, not missing Nicki at all. He figured out on his night alone with Mackenzie that she wasn't used to calming herself when she got upset because Nicki rarely let her get upset. He didn't like to hear MacKenzie scream but she was always being held. If she couldn't handle being on her own now, it would only get worse when the new baby arrived.
When Nicki reappeared to the set she was greeted by the sight of her six month old child in a diaper with her Father's 'SB' chain around her neck. Everyone was 'ooing' and 'awing' but the sight annoyed her for some reason. Mostly because she thought it might be too heavy for the childs neck but also just because everything Safaree did pissed her off now. Before she could make it to her to snatch it off Safaree did it for her.
"Alright, Mommy, that's enough." He smiled and placed his jewelry around his own neck before picking her up.
"That's a wrap on Mini Nicki!" Raul yelled.
"You guys are done already?" She frowned.
"Yup." He smiled but she felt like she'd missed the entire thing, including MacKenzie starting to crawl. "I'll send all the photo's over to you and you send back the ones you want."
"Ok." She forced a smile.
A few moments later they had gathered all of MacKenzie's belongings and made it to the car. When they were alone they were either arguing or in an awkward silence. This moment was awkwardly silent until Safaree spoke.
"I can't believe she's six months today." He chuckled a little but Nicki said nothing. "Remember when we first found out you were pregnant?"
Nicki came into the master bedroom and closed the door behind her. She had just finished helping with a 'Going Green' project and Micaiah's school where they went to clean up in the area and planted flowers. She didn't want to go but Micaiah begged her.
"Hey babe." Safaree smiled.
"Hey." She instantly began stripping off the filthy clothes.
"How was it?"
"It actually wasn't bad." She smiled. "I broke a freaking nail but that's all I'll complain about."
"That's good."
"Adam is here. His mom is going to pick him up around seven."
"Ok."
"You want some chocolate?" She smiled.
"Nah."
"We got a freezer full if you want some." She laughed.
"What?"
"We were driving and the boys begged me to stop at this candy store so I did and everything smelled so good, Faree." She disappeared into the closet with the dirty close and reappeared holding her robe. "I know I shouldn't have it but that's all I been wanting lately. I think Mother nature is going to start visiting soon."
"Really?" He looked at her quizzically. He body looked like it was changing, not a lot but enough for him to notice. He also remembered her craving chocolate like crazy when she first got pregnant with Micaiah. He smiled.
"Um, hmm." She turned to walk towards the bathroom.
"Nic." She turned to see him rummaging through the drawer of the nightstand. He pulled out a pregnancy test and stood. "Take this."
"No, Safaree."
"Come on. Let's just see."
"I told you, I'm done trying for now and-"
"Look, just take it. I'll look for you. If its negative. . .we don't even have to talk about it."
She snatched the test from him and went to take it. She left it on the bathroom counter for him to find while she showered. After the specified time passed he went to check it. He double then triple check it with the instructions. He put it down then made his way to the shower. He got in wearing his pajama pants. He wrapped his arms around Nicki.
"I told you we shouldn't have."
"Its positive."
"Wh-what?" She turned to face him.
He smiled, "Its positive!"
"Oh. My. Faree." She began to tear up. "We're gonna have a. ."
"Baby." He smiled before passionately kissing her.
When they reached the house she went to the kitchen and he went to put Mackenzie in her crib. Nicki still wasn't speaking to him. She started dinner.
"You gotta talk to me sometime." His voice made her jump.
"When Micaiah gets back we aren't going to tell him about the baby, not yet. We're going on a roadtrip and you have to work."
"No, I don't."
"No, that's what were telling him. I'm not going to be stuck on the road with you."
"And I'm not letting my pregnant wife drive around the country with a baby and a ten year old."
"You sure do use that wife word proudly."
"Cause you are my wife."
"Oh."
"Look, it was your idea to have me come back knowing the situation. If you don't want him to catch on then you need to pull your shit together. No games. No mindfucks."
"Whatever." She heard him walk away. "Don't think you're sleeping in MY bed."
"I'm not, I'm sleeping in mine! I'm home baby!" He laughed knowing that he was getting under her skin. At first he told himself to enter the situation as a mature adult but he knew Nicki would be the complete opposite so for every negative she threw at him he was going to throw one back.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
The Good, The Bad, The Blessing
"What time did Nic get in?" TT asked Candi.
"Like, three or four." She said while pouring a
cup of coffee.
"You think it went well?"
"If it went well she would have stayed the night with him and Kenzie."
"Yeah." She sighed. "I hate to see her like this. She really wants to be with him but he fucked up so bad."
"I know we all make jokes and what not but I think we should keep our opinions to ourselves with this one."
"I agree."
"Let me go check on her." She put her cup down. "She been throwing up all morning."
Candi made her way upstairs to check on Nicki. When she made it to the the room she heard her vomiting. She pushed the bathroom door open and walked over to Nicki. She looked up with misery filled eyes. She looked like she'd been crying for days.
"You ok, Babe?" Candi asked.
"Yeah." She closed the lid and flushed the toilet before making her way to the sink to brush her teeth. "I didn't even drink that much."
"How did things go with Faree?"
"Hmmm?" She said while brushing.
"Last night."
She spit, "I didn't go out with Safaree. I left with Webb."
Safaree pulled up to the house angry. He got out without shutting his car off and made his way to the front door. He began banging on it hard. TT answered and he pushed pass her.
"Get my baby out the car." Was all he said before going up the stairs two at a time. When he got to the bedroom he followed Nicki's voice to the bathroom.
"Get out Candi."
Candi looked back and forth from an angry Safaree to a surprisingly timid Nicki. Nicki nodded and she walked out. Safaree slammed the door closed.
"You fucked him!" He began walking up on her. She had never seen him this mad.
"Safaree -"
"Don't bullshit me!" She was now against the wall. "Why?! Why would you fuck that nigga?!"
"You fucked our nanny in our home Safaree! I think that pretty much takes the whole got damn cake!"
"Answer me!" He hit the wall by her head.
"I didn't fuck him!" She yelled.
"Well, what the fuck is this?!" He pulled her arm and pushed her towards the mirror. Nicki's eyes got big as she noticed the purple mark on her neck.
"Safaree-"
"No! Of all the ways you could fucking get back at me. . ."
"Faree, listen to me." She cried and tried to move towards him but he moved away.
"I went to his hotel, we kissed, it almost went there but I stopped it. I would never. . ." She began choking on her words through her tears. He wouldn't look at her. "Safaree, please."
"Nah, I'm good on you." He began walking towards the door but she pulled his arm.
"Faree, baby, listen. You know me." She cried. "I would never-"
"What the fuck ever Nicki."He turned to her. "You full of shit! Fucking hypocrite. I swear to God!" He turned and punched the door and she jumped. He left a hole behind when he pulled his hand away.
"Just go." She turned away.
"Oh, now you putting me out?"
"I really don't give a fuck to be honest. You won't believe shit I say because you too insecure in your own fuck up!"
"Insecure?"
"I almost fucked him but I didn't because after all the shit you did my dumb ass still wanted to be with you. I was gonna tell you. Give you more courtesy than you gave me."
"Whatever Nicki. I'm out."
"You always trying to run away. You feeling some type of way? Let me know!"
"I walk away to spare your feelings."
"You wasn't sparing my feelings when you was fucking that bitch!"
"I fucked her because she gave me shit that you haven't in years."
"Like?"
"Fucking attention!"
"And?!"
"She laughs at my jokes no matter how corny. . ."
"Keep going!"
"Listens to me ramble about stupid shit without telling me to shut the fuck up, she-"
"Is everything I'm not so go find that bitch and
build a new life."
"Everything you were and maybe I will."
He turned and walked out, slamming the door behind himself. Nicki leaned against the bathroom door and cried. A sick feeling washed over her again but she ignored it when there was a knock at the door.
"Nicki, its Can. Open up babe." No response. "Look, Micaiah is on the phone an-" Nicki wiped her face and opened the door.
"Thanks Can." She took the phone.
"You ok?"
"Yeah. I'm fine." She sniffled.
"Ok." She said and walked out.
"Hey baby." She forced a happy voice.
"Hey Mama. What took you so long?"
"Oh, Kenzie is acting up." She lied.
"Oh."
"I miss you soooooo so much." She tried hard to keep her voice from cracking but the tears began to flow again.
"I miss you, too. You ok Ma?"
"Im fine." She decided to change the subject.
"You haven't been sharing your football
equipment have you?"
"Nooooo, Ma." He sighed.
"Ok." She laughed a little. "When are you coming back? Its been forever."
"Week and a half."
"Week and a half?!" She gasped. "That's too long."
"Ma, can I ask you something?"
She was scared as to what he might ask but still said, "Yes."
"Can we take a road trip?"
"We take road trips all the time."
"Only for work. I wanna go for fun like my friends."
"Ok."
"Really?" His excitement bought a genuine smile to her face.
"Yeah."
"Yesssss!"
"We'll go as soon as you get back."
"Oh, I got the All Star medal for this week."
"Really? Congrats baby. I'm really proud of you. You having fun right?"
"Yeah."
"Ok. Good. I was thinking that-"
"I gotta go Ma. Imma call you tomorrow or something."
"Ok." She sighed. "I love you."
"Love you too."
"Say your prayers and be safe."
"Ok."
"Call Grandma."
"Ok."
"Make sure you are drinking a lot of water because-"
"Ma."
"Ok. I love you. Muah. Muah. Muah."
"Bye, Mama." He hung up.
Nicki and Safaree sat on a beach in Hawaii just twenty four hours after getting remarried. They watched the waves crash up on the shore and listened to the sounds of the ocean. Safaree had his arms around Nicki who rested her head on his chest.
"Faree, I love you."
"I love you too, Nic."
"I need it to be different this time around. We can't be selfish or spiteful or anything because we gotta think about Micaiah. I'm not saying our who relationship has to revolve around him but he's a big part of making this thing work."
"You still scared?"
"No, I feel safe with you. I just, I don't know. I guess I just need reassurance that it won't be the same as before."
"We was young, had different priorities and shit going on. Things are different, better. We gone be ok. I'd never hurt you and even though you say some evil, fuck up shit to me, I know your heart."
"Where do you see us in five years?"
"Happy, healthy, iced out. . ."
"Ignorant."
"That too."
"No, I was calling you ignorant you fucking bafoon." She rolled her eyes.
"That too though." He chuckled. "Micaiah gone be playing sports and we gone go to the games in our matching Samuels Family fits."
"That is so corny." She laughed. "But I like it."
Nicki was pulled from her memories by a screaming MacKenzie. She jumped up and followed her voice. She didn't even know that Safaree had dropped her back off. She found herself at the room that Candi and Shareika were staying in. They had MacKenzie on a blanket on the floor. She was on her stomach which she hated most of the time.
"What the hell are yall doing to my baby?" She walked over to MacKenzie and picked her up.
"She in training." Candi said.
"She fake as hell." Shareika said in reference to MacKenzie stopping her crying as soon as Nicki rescued her.
"Training for what?" Nicki looked at them crazy.
"To crawl." They said in unison.
"You psychotic bitches stay away from my baby." Nicki said then looked at an angry MacKenzie. She had her lip poked out. "Ain't that right, Kenny."
"Mmm." MacKenzie replied and they all began laughing.
"She got too much attitude to be five months." Candi laughed.
"Yo, yall wanna see some funny shit?" Nicki asked.
"Yeah." Shareika replied.
"Ok." She walked over to one of the beds and laid MacKenzie down. "Yall know that Liar, Liar movie?"
"When he can't lie for a day or some shit like that?" Candi asked.
"Yeah, and you know the whole claw part?" She pulled up her sleeves.
"Yeah." Shareika looked at her funny.
"Ok, watch this." She cleared her throat and formed a clawed with her hand. "Its the claw!"
She said in a deep voice like Jim Carey as she placed her hand over MacKenzie's face. When she pulled away MacKenzie kicked and smiled hard. She did it again.
"Its the clawwwww!" This time when she pulled away MacKenzie laughed. She laughed hard enough to cause herself to snort which scared her. She jumped and looked at Nicki like she was searching for answers. They all began laughing hysterically.
"Yo, I didn't even know babies could snort." Shareika laughed.
"She so fucking goofy." Nicki laughed and
picked up MacKenzie who was smiling again.
"What Safaree come over here bitching for?" Shareika asked.
"I don't wanna talk about it, none of it." Nicki looked back and forth from her two friends.
"Ok." They said in unison and agreed.
"Is Caiah ok?" Candi asked.
"Yeah, he was just checking in." All of a sudden she felt a wave of sickness rush over her. "Take her."
Nicki rushed to the nearest bathroom and began throwing up. She knew she needed to eat something soon. She frowned as she flushed the toilet before making her way to her bathroom to shower and brush her teeth again. She cursed Safaree out, even though he was no where around, for leaving her with the baby while she had a hangover. After showering and getting dressed she started to go check on MacKenzie but her phone began to ring, it was her mother. She answered.
"Hello?"
"What's wrong?"
"What are you talking about?" Nicki asked confused.
"I had a dream a few nights ago and now I have this weird feeling. What's wrong?"
"What was the dream about?"
"What's wrong?"
"Ma."
"Nicki."
"Mother."
"Onika Tanya." She said sternly.
"I put Safaree out the other day."
"Because?"
"He cheated on me. . .with Stephanie."
"Oh, baby, come home. You wanna come home?"
"Ma, I'm a big girl." She laughed a little. "Besides, the girls flew out to visit."
"Nicki, don't go listening to the of others when it comes to your marriage."
"I'm not." She huffed.
"You guys can get through this."
"Get through what? We're done." She lied. She knew deep down that if there was a logical reason to take Safaree back then she would probably do it. Her mother laughed. "What's funny?"
"You don't just throw away something like marriage because of a mistake Onika."
"How do you mistakenly have sex outside of your marriage, Ma?"
"Do you know all that your father put me through?"
"He had an addiction, he was sick, its different."
"It is different. Me and your fathers relationship was worst. He put hands on me, cursed at me, stole from us Onika and-"
"So, because he's not stealing from me or that other stuff I should stay with him?" She asked with a hint of attitude.
"No, but you should realize that the love will outweigh it."
"It won't."
"You don't know that yet."
"Listen, I have to go, MacKenzie is crying in the other room." She lied.
"Bye, Nicki."
"Bye." She hung up.
Nicki walked out of her room and to MacKenzie's. Viola was changing her when Nicki walked in. MacKenzie started kicking from excitement when she saw her mothers face.
"Hi baby girl." She smiled. "What's the damage?"
"Poop. All clean now though." Viola smiled down at MacKenzie. "She's sleepy."
"I'll put her down." Nicki picked her up. That one night away felt like a week to her.
"Where's her pacifier?"
"I haven't seen her with it since she got here."
"Who bought her in?"
"TT."
"TT!" Nicki called out as she walked into the hall. TT stepped out as well.
"What's up?" TT asked.
"Have you seen her pacifier?"
"Nope. It wasn't in the car seat when I took her out. I figured she had more her so I didn't think about it." She shrugged.
"Shit." Nicki said and turned to walk to her room.
"What's wrong?'' TT followed behind Nicki.
"She only takes that pacifier. She probably won't sleep without it." She picked up her phone and dialed Safaree.
"We can't go get another just like it?"
"Its the one we got at the hospital. I don't
know where to find it." She bit her lip and hung up. "Where's her little purple doggy thing?"
"That stuffed animal thing?"
"Yeah, she chews on the ears and falls asleep sometimes."
"Uh, that's not here either."
"Ugh. He did this shit on purpose!" Nicki grew irritated.
"Safaree?"
"Yes. Fucking asshole!" She began texting him knowing that he would still ignore her anyways.
"So, what you wanna do?"
"Imma try to put her to sleep but if she gets fussy we going on a dummy mission to find a pacifier."
"Alright. If you need something let me know." She said before walking out.
Nicki laid on her side and laid MacKenzie on her side as well. Nicki stared into her baby girls big brown eyes and she stared back. Nicki wondered if MacKenzie knew what was going on. MacKenzie began touching Nicki's face as her eyes got heavy. She rested her hand on Nicki's cheek until she fell asleep. Nicki sighed in relief and stared into her daughters small face. She saw hope, love, and purity. All that would come crashing down because of her parents. It broke her heart that her daughter might not know a certain kind of happiness, a certain kind of love because of them. Eventually Nicki's thoughts turned into dreams as she too drifted to sleep.
Nicki walked into Micaiah's room. Micaiah had MacKenzie sitting on his lap while he played his Xbox. Nicki smiled and they rapidly turned their heads to her.
"We just wanna be happy, Mommy." Micaiah said and MacKenzie began crying loud. Nicki tried to walk towards them but she couldn't.
"Mommy." Nicki turned to see a little girl around four. She looked just like her. "Sing to me mommy."
Nicki began singing the song she would sing to MacKenzie while she was pregnant.
"Catch a fallen star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day. ."
Suddenly they were outside in the rain. It was dark. The little girl held Nicki's hand tight until she saw a falling star. She let go and ran towards a cliff. Nicki screamed.
"Get back here Tuney!" She ran towards her but it was too late. She slowly walked over to the edge and looked down. Micaiah and MacKenzie were slowly falling.
"Its all falling apart Mommy. Fix it!" Micaiah urged. "Its all falling, its falling, we're slipping mommy!"
BOOM!
Nicki jumped up and clutched her heart when she heard the door slam. She looked around but didn't see MacKenzie. She made her way downstairs to find everyone in the living room watching Horton Hears A Who with MacKenzie. Nicki noticed her pacifier in her mouth.
"Where'd she get that?" Nicki asked through a yawn.
"Safaree dropped it off." Candi said.
"Oh." Nicki took a seat on the couch. It got quiet until Nicki broke the silence. "Did he say anything?"
"No, he walked in, placed the bag on the table, and left." Viola said.
"Oh, ok." She turned her attention to the tv and watched the movie, thinking back to when they got it.
"I can't believe you got me at WalMart at two in the morning."
"I really want some sweet corn." Nicki rubbed her big belly as she looked up at the cans.
"That's so random."
"Safaree, if you didn't want to come you could have stayed home!" She nearly yelled.
"Nic, calm down babe." He adjusted Micaiah's arms around his neck before he bent down to kiss her forehead.
"No." She moved away. "You act like I'm a burden on you anytime I need something. You know what? Forget it." She stormed away.
"Nicki, what about the corn?" He walked as quickly as he could with his sleeping nine year old on his back. When he caught up to Nicki she was in the electronics aisle with one hand on her back and the other on her belly. She looked up from the DVDs and smiled.
"Look, Faree, they have all the Dr. Seuss movies," She began picking them up. "Oh, look the classic Disney movies. Aladdin, Little Mermaid. . ." She squealed. "She's going to love these."
"Who?"
"Our baby you moron." She shook her head and walked pass him with a stack of movies. Safaree decided against saying anything to his wife who was eight months pregnant and beyond irritable. They left WalMart that night with 23 DVDs and 7 cds for MacKenzie but no corn. Safaree didn't mind though because Nicki was happy and that was something he hadn't seen in a while.
Candi sat in the waiting room of Nicki's doctors office. She had been sick for a few days so she decided to schedule herself an appointment. When Nicki came out she still looked exhausted and sick like she had earlier. Candi stayed seated while Nicki talked to the receptionist.
"Alright, Can." She smiled small and walked towards the door. Candi followed.
"What'd they say?" Candi asked concerned as they stood by the elevator.
"Two months." She pressed the button for the elevator and it opened instantly.
"For?"
"Nothing, I'm two months along." She pressed the P for parking.
"Like. . .pregnant?"
"Yup." She said nonchalantly.
"Oh. My. Gosh. Congratulations!" She smiled. She really didn't know what else to say.
"This really isn't a Congratulations moment."
"Why not?" She frowned.
"I just found out my husband was cheating on me right after he accused me of cheating but before he saw me leaving with another man. He's not gonna think this baby is his."
"It is. . .his. . . I mean, I'm not trying to be rude but-"
"Yes, its his! I've never cheated on him!"
"Really, Nic?" She gave her the 'Who you talking to?' look.
"Yes, Candace! The fuck are you talking about?!"
"You know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. You. Webb."
"That was years ago, before we were married."
"Don't play the victim though when you got dirt, too. You need to talk to him."
"Whatever."
Nicki was mad that Candi bought up something old like that. She also knew Safaree wouldn't speak to her. The past few days he would ignore her calls and text but sneak in the house in the middle of the night to check on them. She knew he was checking on her too because she would hear him come in their room at night and feel him touch her cheek before kissing her forehead. She wanted so badly to pull him close but she knew better than to do that out of fear of leading him on because she was still mad and the fear that he would reject her because he was mad. The elevator stopped and they stepped off. Nicki began walking ahead of Candi when she felt a pull on her arm.
"Nic, look, I didn't mean to bring that stuff up. I know how bad you felt about it then with you know but you really need to talk to him."
"You think I haven't tried Candi?" She fought back tears.
"I know, its hard but don't take it out on this one." She placed her hand on Nicki's abdomen. "It didn't ask for this. Besides, you went from struggling to conceive to having two blessings back to back. That's what you have to celebrate."
"You're right." She smiled as the tears ran down. "I'm going to have another little blessing."
"It makes sense though." She hooked arms with Nicki and began walking.
"What?"
"Why MacKenzie been clinging to you."
"You think she knows?"
"She probably sense something different. When my cousin had her boys back to back it was like that. Man Man wouldn't leave her alone."
"Aw, my babies are friends." She smiled.
"I doubt it. MacKenzie is your child which means she probably hella territorial."
"Whatever." Nicki laughed.
"And you been eating mad weird shit lately." They laughed. Nicki glanced behind her at a familiar parking space.
*One Year Ago*
Nicki and Safaree walked hand in hand to their car. The past few months had been really good for them. Nicki finally brought her attention back to Safaree and he did the same. They were so in tune with each other that they were finally able to conceive a child and have nothing go wrong. They had just confirmed that Nicki was three months pregnant with the doctor. They would treat Nicki like a high risk pregnancy , just because she had lost a child previously, but that was the only bad news they'd received.
"I can't believe we're having a baby." Nicki said as Safaree opened her door.
"Believe it baby." He smiled and pecked her lips. He helped her in before closing door and getting in on the other side.
"OH. MY. GOD!" She began to tear up. "This is really happening."
"I know." He smiled. They stared at each other for a minute just smiling.
"I know we look so stupid right now just grinning and shit." She was still smiling while she looked over his face.
"You," He placed his hand on her cheek. "You could never look stupid." They locked into a passionate kiss, barely breathing.
"Put your seat back." Nicki pulled away and smirked.
He smiled, "Here?"
"Yup."
He watched her pull her thong down from under her dress while he moved the seat back a little then reclining it. She climbed over to the drivers side and straddled him before resuming their make out session. She left enough room between them so that she could work on his belt. She pulled him out in one swift motion and wasted no time sliding down onto him slowly. They both moaned out until she reached base. Nicki locked her fingers behind his head and looked into his eyes.
"I love you." She said.
"I love you more." He said before kissing her.
Nicki began rocking back and forth as his lips moved lower. Safaree didn't know if it was because she was pregnant or just really excited but she was extremely wet and it turned him on more. He rested his hands on her hips and rocked her back and forth faster.
"Damn." Safaree grunted.
"Faree, I, I. ." She panted.
"Let it happen baby."
"I gotta throw up!"
She pulled the handle on the door and leaned out. Safaree held her by the waist with one hand and quickly gathered her hair with the other as she vomited. She sat back up, closed the door and frowned.
"I'm sorry." She looked away.
"Its fine." She felt him going soft and knew the moment was ruined.
"I'm so embarrassed."
"You're pregnant!" He reminded her with a smile.
"I love you."
"I love you too. Funky breath and all."
"Asshole!" She hit him and climbed back over to her seat.
Safaree glanced at his phone to see Nicki calling him again. He didn't understand how he was the one who fucked up so bad but she was chasing him. He didn't want to speak to her or see her because he knew her better than herself and the hurt in her eyes and voice was too much. Even through her yelling and screaming he knew how she felt. He also knew that she hadnt cheated. Nicki was never the type to cheat. She knew what she had and if she wanted something new she would just go get it, no lies, no bs. He looked at his phone as a text message came threw. He began reading them from most recent to oldest.
Wifey: I need to talk to you.
Wifey: You really ignoring me like I fucked up when it was you!Wifey: Call your son
Wifey: do you have her medicine?
Wifey: Call me
Wifey: Let me find out you did this shit on purpose
Wifey: & her purple dog
Wifey: I need you to bring her pacifier
Wifey: no matter what, I love you
He sighed loudly and looked across the room at nothing. How did he let what was important slip away? For what? He knew it was stupid but he originally just started a flirting relationship with Stephanie to grab Nicki's attention but it didn't work. All she was focused on was making a baby, even work had taken a backseat. Eventually flirting went further and further until he was sitting in a cold clinic one morning with his nanny. His phone buzzed and he looked at it.
Wifey: I really need to talk to you. Grow tf up!
Fareeeee: Wut?
Wifey: I'm pregnant
Nicki put her phone down and picked Mackenzie's spoon back up. She was now whining and hitting the table.
"Ok, ok." Nicki said as she scooped up some peas and pushed it into MacKenzie's mouth. She began kicking her feet with excitement.
"Why do you like this?" Nicki scrunched up her face and MacKenzie screamed. "Ok, geesh, you're so freaking demanding."
"You're no longer considered a ladybug. You are officially a Barb because you treat me just like them. If you wasn't my child I'd exile you." Mackenzie screamed again. She frowned and began feeding her. Her phone began ringing moments later.
"Hello." She answered without looking at the name.
"Come outside." His voice surprised her. She hadn't expected to hear from him.
"Ok." She called out for one of the girls to come sit with MacKenzie before making her way to his car. She pulled the door open and got in the car with him. They both just looked straight ahead and said nothing for a minute. Nicki finally spoke.
"Its yours." She said with no emotion, just looking straight ahead.
"I know." His emotionless voice matched hers.
"Sooo."
"I'm sorry, Nic. I never wanted-"
"You don't owe me any apologies, excuses, none of that."
"I do and-"
"Well, I don't wanna hear them." She said coldly before letting out a long sigh. "Look, their calling it a high risk pregnancy only because of the previous miscarriages and I just had a baby. Everything looks fine now but I gotta keep the stress to a minimum."
"So you want me to stay away or some shit? I'm not just leaving my kids."
"The opposite." She took a deep breath. "I need you to move back in here and act like everything is fine. Explaining this to Micaiah and my family would be too much. And on top of that I need help with Kenzie."
"Ok."
"I'm not doing this for you nor am I trying to work this shit out. I just want to keep all my kids happy for as long as I can and deliver this one healthy."
"Ok."
"The girls leave tomorrow and Micaiah comes back in two days so-"
"I'll be by tomorrow afternoon."
"Ok."
She got out the car without saying goodbye. When she made it in the house she felt a sense of control. She hoped that the situation would work out for the best and not explode in her face like her marriage had. She looked out the window nearest to the front door to see Safaree's car still parked outside. She shook her head.
"Now the nigga feeling sorry for his self." She laughed and shook her head before going to find her baby. She decided against telling her friends about her decision because she didn't want to hear their opinions. She knew that this was the easiest and simplest way to handle the situation, for now.
Please excuse any weird formatting, typos, and italicized things. I wrote this on Microsoft Word on my phone and tried to copy and paste but it got all weird so, yeah.
"Like, three or four." She said while pouring a
cup of coffee.
"You think it went well?"
"If it went well she would have stayed the night with him and Kenzie."
"Yeah." She sighed. "I hate to see her like this. She really wants to be with him but he fucked up so bad."
"I know we all make jokes and what not but I think we should keep our opinions to ourselves with this one."
"I agree."
"Let me go check on her." She put her cup down. "She been throwing up all morning."
Candi made her way upstairs to check on Nicki. When she made it to the the room she heard her vomiting. She pushed the bathroom door open and walked over to Nicki. She looked up with misery filled eyes. She looked like she'd been crying for days.
"You ok, Babe?" Candi asked.
"Yeah." She closed the lid and flushed the toilet before making her way to the sink to brush her teeth. "I didn't even drink that much."
"How did things go with Faree?"
"Hmmm?" She said while brushing.
"Last night."
She spit, "I didn't go out with Safaree. I left with Webb."
Safaree pulled up to the house angry. He got out without shutting his car off and made his way to the front door. He began banging on it hard. TT answered and he pushed pass her.
"Get my baby out the car." Was all he said before going up the stairs two at a time. When he got to the bedroom he followed Nicki's voice to the bathroom.
"Get out Candi."
Candi looked back and forth from an angry Safaree to a surprisingly timid Nicki. Nicki nodded and she walked out. Safaree slammed the door closed.
"You fucked him!" He began walking up on her. She had never seen him this mad.
"Safaree -"
"Don't bullshit me!" She was now against the wall. "Why?! Why would you fuck that nigga?!"
"You fucked our nanny in our home Safaree! I think that pretty much takes the whole got damn cake!"
"Answer me!" He hit the wall by her head.
"I didn't fuck him!" She yelled.
"Well, what the fuck is this?!" He pulled her arm and pushed her towards the mirror. Nicki's eyes got big as she noticed the purple mark on her neck.
"Safaree-"
"No! Of all the ways you could fucking get back at me. . ."
"Faree, listen to me." She cried and tried to move towards him but he moved away.
"I went to his hotel, we kissed, it almost went there but I stopped it. I would never. . ." She began choking on her words through her tears. He wouldn't look at her. "Safaree, please."
"Nah, I'm good on you." He began walking towards the door but she pulled his arm.
"Faree, baby, listen. You know me." She cried. "I would never-"
"What the fuck ever Nicki."He turned to her. "You full of shit! Fucking hypocrite. I swear to God!" He turned and punched the door and she jumped. He left a hole behind when he pulled his hand away.
"Just go." She turned away.
"Oh, now you putting me out?"
"I really don't give a fuck to be honest. You won't believe shit I say because you too insecure in your own fuck up!"
"Insecure?"
"I almost fucked him but I didn't because after all the shit you did my dumb ass still wanted to be with you. I was gonna tell you. Give you more courtesy than you gave me."
"Whatever Nicki. I'm out."
"You always trying to run away. You feeling some type of way? Let me know!"
"I walk away to spare your feelings."
"You wasn't sparing my feelings when you was fucking that bitch!"
"I fucked her because she gave me shit that you haven't in years."
"Like?"
"Fucking attention!"
"And?!"
"She laughs at my jokes no matter how corny. . ."
"Keep going!"
"Listens to me ramble about stupid shit without telling me to shut the fuck up, she-"
"Is everything I'm not so go find that bitch and
build a new life."
"Everything you were and maybe I will."
He turned and walked out, slamming the door behind himself. Nicki leaned against the bathroom door and cried. A sick feeling washed over her again but she ignored it when there was a knock at the door.
"Nicki, its Can. Open up babe." No response. "Look, Micaiah is on the phone an-" Nicki wiped her face and opened the door.
"Thanks Can." She took the phone.
"You ok?"
"Yeah. I'm fine." She sniffled.
"Ok." She said and walked out.
"Hey baby." She forced a happy voice.
"Hey Mama. What took you so long?"
"Oh, Kenzie is acting up." She lied.
"Oh."
"I miss you soooooo so much." She tried hard to keep her voice from cracking but the tears began to flow again.
"I miss you, too. You ok Ma?"
"Im fine." She decided to change the subject.
"You haven't been sharing your football
equipment have you?"
"Nooooo, Ma." He sighed.
"Ok." She laughed a little. "When are you coming back? Its been forever."
"Week and a half."
"Week and a half?!" She gasped. "That's too long."
"Ma, can I ask you something?"
She was scared as to what he might ask but still said, "Yes."
"Can we take a road trip?"
"We take road trips all the time."
"Only for work. I wanna go for fun like my friends."
"Ok."
"Really?" His excitement bought a genuine smile to her face.
"Yeah."
"Yesssss!"
"We'll go as soon as you get back."
"Oh, I got the All Star medal for this week."
"Really? Congrats baby. I'm really proud of you. You having fun right?"
"Yeah."
"Ok. Good. I was thinking that-"
"I gotta go Ma. Imma call you tomorrow or something."
"Ok." She sighed. "I love you."
"Love you too."
"Say your prayers and be safe."
"Ok."
"Call Grandma."
"Ok."
"Make sure you are drinking a lot of water because-"
"Ma."
"Ok. I love you. Muah. Muah. Muah."
"Bye, Mama." He hung up.
Nicki and Safaree sat on a beach in Hawaii just twenty four hours after getting remarried. They watched the waves crash up on the shore and listened to the sounds of the ocean. Safaree had his arms around Nicki who rested her head on his chest.
"Faree, I love you."
"I love you too, Nic."
"I need it to be different this time around. We can't be selfish or spiteful or anything because we gotta think about Micaiah. I'm not saying our who relationship has to revolve around him but he's a big part of making this thing work."
"You still scared?"
"No, I feel safe with you. I just, I don't know. I guess I just need reassurance that it won't be the same as before."
"We was young, had different priorities and shit going on. Things are different, better. We gone be ok. I'd never hurt you and even though you say some evil, fuck up shit to me, I know your heart."
"Where do you see us in five years?"
"Happy, healthy, iced out. . ."
"Ignorant."
"That too."
"No, I was calling you ignorant you fucking bafoon." She rolled her eyes.
"That too though." He chuckled. "Micaiah gone be playing sports and we gone go to the games in our matching Samuels Family fits."
"That is so corny." She laughed. "But I like it."
Nicki was pulled from her memories by a screaming MacKenzie. She jumped up and followed her voice. She didn't even know that Safaree had dropped her back off. She found herself at the room that Candi and Shareika were staying in. They had MacKenzie on a blanket on the floor. She was on her stomach which she hated most of the time.
"What the hell are yall doing to my baby?" She walked over to MacKenzie and picked her up.
"She in training." Candi said.
"She fake as hell." Shareika said in reference to MacKenzie stopping her crying as soon as Nicki rescued her.
"Training for what?" Nicki looked at them crazy.
"To crawl." They said in unison.
"You psychotic bitches stay away from my baby." Nicki said then looked at an angry MacKenzie. She had her lip poked out. "Ain't that right, Kenny."
"Mmm." MacKenzie replied and they all began laughing.
"She got too much attitude to be five months." Candi laughed.
"Yo, yall wanna see some funny shit?" Nicki asked.
"Yeah." Shareika replied.
"Ok." She walked over to one of the beds and laid MacKenzie down. "Yall know that Liar, Liar movie?"
"When he can't lie for a day or some shit like that?" Candi asked.
"Yeah, and you know the whole claw part?" She pulled up her sleeves.
"Yeah." Shareika looked at her funny.
"Ok, watch this." She cleared her throat and formed a clawed with her hand. "Its the claw!"
She said in a deep voice like Jim Carey as she placed her hand over MacKenzie's face. When she pulled away MacKenzie kicked and smiled hard. She did it again.
"Its the clawwwww!" This time when she pulled away MacKenzie laughed. She laughed hard enough to cause herself to snort which scared her. She jumped and looked at Nicki like she was searching for answers. They all began laughing hysterically.
"Yo, I didn't even know babies could snort." Shareika laughed.
"She so fucking goofy." Nicki laughed and
picked up MacKenzie who was smiling again.
"What Safaree come over here bitching for?" Shareika asked.
"I don't wanna talk about it, none of it." Nicki looked back and forth from her two friends.
"Ok." They said in unison and agreed.
"Is Caiah ok?" Candi asked.
"Yeah, he was just checking in." All of a sudden she felt a wave of sickness rush over her. "Take her."
Nicki rushed to the nearest bathroom and began throwing up. She knew she needed to eat something soon. She frowned as she flushed the toilet before making her way to her bathroom to shower and brush her teeth again. She cursed Safaree out, even though he was no where around, for leaving her with the baby while she had a hangover. After showering and getting dressed she started to go check on MacKenzie but her phone began to ring, it was her mother. She answered.
"Hello?"
"What's wrong?"
"What are you talking about?" Nicki asked confused.
"I had a dream a few nights ago and now I have this weird feeling. What's wrong?"
"What was the dream about?"
"What's wrong?"
"Ma."
"Nicki."
"Mother."
"Onika Tanya." She said sternly.
"I put Safaree out the other day."
"Because?"
"He cheated on me. . .with Stephanie."
"Oh, baby, come home. You wanna come home?"
"Ma, I'm a big girl." She laughed a little. "Besides, the girls flew out to visit."
"Nicki, don't go listening to the of others when it comes to your marriage."
"I'm not." She huffed.
"You guys can get through this."
"Get through what? We're done." She lied. She knew deep down that if there was a logical reason to take Safaree back then she would probably do it. Her mother laughed. "What's funny?"
"You don't just throw away something like marriage because of a mistake Onika."
"How do you mistakenly have sex outside of your marriage, Ma?"
"Do you know all that your father put me through?"
"He had an addiction, he was sick, its different."
"It is different. Me and your fathers relationship was worst. He put hands on me, cursed at me, stole from us Onika and-"
"So, because he's not stealing from me or that other stuff I should stay with him?" She asked with a hint of attitude.
"No, but you should realize that the love will outweigh it."
"It won't."
"You don't know that yet."
"Listen, I have to go, MacKenzie is crying in the other room." She lied.
"Bye, Nicki."
"Bye." She hung up.
Nicki walked out of her room and to MacKenzie's. Viola was changing her when Nicki walked in. MacKenzie started kicking from excitement when she saw her mothers face.
"Hi baby girl." She smiled. "What's the damage?"
"Poop. All clean now though." Viola smiled down at MacKenzie. "She's sleepy."
"I'll put her down." Nicki picked her up. That one night away felt like a week to her.
"Where's her pacifier?"
"I haven't seen her with it since she got here."
"Who bought her in?"
"TT."
"TT!" Nicki called out as she walked into the hall. TT stepped out as well.
"What's up?" TT asked.
"Have you seen her pacifier?"
"Nope. It wasn't in the car seat when I took her out. I figured she had more her so I didn't think about it." She shrugged.
"Shit." Nicki said and turned to walk to her room.
"What's wrong?'' TT followed behind Nicki.
"She only takes that pacifier. She probably won't sleep without it." She picked up her phone and dialed Safaree.
"We can't go get another just like it?"
"Its the one we got at the hospital. I don't
know where to find it." She bit her lip and hung up. "Where's her little purple doggy thing?"
"That stuffed animal thing?"
"Yeah, she chews on the ears and falls asleep sometimes."
"Uh, that's not here either."
"Ugh. He did this shit on purpose!" Nicki grew irritated.
"Safaree?"
"Yes. Fucking asshole!" She began texting him knowing that he would still ignore her anyways.
"So, what you wanna do?"
"Imma try to put her to sleep but if she gets fussy we going on a dummy mission to find a pacifier."
"Alright. If you need something let me know." She said before walking out.
Nicki laid on her side and laid MacKenzie on her side as well. Nicki stared into her baby girls big brown eyes and she stared back. Nicki wondered if MacKenzie knew what was going on. MacKenzie began touching Nicki's face as her eyes got heavy. She rested her hand on Nicki's cheek until she fell asleep. Nicki sighed in relief and stared into her daughters small face. She saw hope, love, and purity. All that would come crashing down because of her parents. It broke her heart that her daughter might not know a certain kind of happiness, a certain kind of love because of them. Eventually Nicki's thoughts turned into dreams as she too drifted to sleep.
Nicki walked into Micaiah's room. Micaiah had MacKenzie sitting on his lap while he played his Xbox. Nicki smiled and they rapidly turned their heads to her.
"We just wanna be happy, Mommy." Micaiah said and MacKenzie began crying loud. Nicki tried to walk towards them but she couldn't.
"Mommy." Nicki turned to see a little girl around four. She looked just like her. "Sing to me mommy."
Nicki began singing the song she would sing to MacKenzie while she was pregnant.
"Catch a fallen star and put it in your pocket, save it for a rainy day. ."
Suddenly they were outside in the rain. It was dark. The little girl held Nicki's hand tight until she saw a falling star. She let go and ran towards a cliff. Nicki screamed.
"Get back here Tuney!" She ran towards her but it was too late. She slowly walked over to the edge and looked down. Micaiah and MacKenzie were slowly falling.
"Its all falling apart Mommy. Fix it!" Micaiah urged. "Its all falling, its falling, we're slipping mommy!"
BOOM!
Nicki jumped up and clutched her heart when she heard the door slam. She looked around but didn't see MacKenzie. She made her way downstairs to find everyone in the living room watching Horton Hears A Who with MacKenzie. Nicki noticed her pacifier in her mouth.
"Where'd she get that?" Nicki asked through a yawn.
"Safaree dropped it off." Candi said.
"Oh." Nicki took a seat on the couch. It got quiet until Nicki broke the silence. "Did he say anything?"
"No, he walked in, placed the bag on the table, and left." Viola said.
"Oh, ok." She turned her attention to the tv and watched the movie, thinking back to when they got it.
"I can't believe you got me at WalMart at two in the morning."
"I really want some sweet corn." Nicki rubbed her big belly as she looked up at the cans.
"That's so random."
"Safaree, if you didn't want to come you could have stayed home!" She nearly yelled.
"Nic, calm down babe." He adjusted Micaiah's arms around his neck before he bent down to kiss her forehead.
"No." She moved away. "You act like I'm a burden on you anytime I need something. You know what? Forget it." She stormed away.
"Nicki, what about the corn?" He walked as quickly as he could with his sleeping nine year old on his back. When he caught up to Nicki she was in the electronics aisle with one hand on her back and the other on her belly. She looked up from the DVDs and smiled.
"Look, Faree, they have all the Dr. Seuss movies," She began picking them up. "Oh, look the classic Disney movies. Aladdin, Little Mermaid. . ." She squealed. "She's going to love these."
"Who?"
"Our baby you moron." She shook her head and walked pass him with a stack of movies. Safaree decided against saying anything to his wife who was eight months pregnant and beyond irritable. They left WalMart that night with 23 DVDs and 7 cds for MacKenzie but no corn. Safaree didn't mind though because Nicki was happy and that was something he hadn't seen in a while.
Candi sat in the waiting room of Nicki's doctors office. She had been sick for a few days so she decided to schedule herself an appointment. When Nicki came out she still looked exhausted and sick like she had earlier. Candi stayed seated while Nicki talked to the receptionist.
"Alright, Can." She smiled small and walked towards the door. Candi followed.
"What'd they say?" Candi asked concerned as they stood by the elevator.
"Two months." She pressed the button for the elevator and it opened instantly.
"For?"
"Nothing, I'm two months along." She pressed the P for parking.
"Like. . .pregnant?"
"Yup." She said nonchalantly.
"Oh. My. Gosh. Congratulations!" She smiled. She really didn't know what else to say.
"This really isn't a Congratulations moment."
"Why not?" She frowned.
"I just found out my husband was cheating on me right after he accused me of cheating but before he saw me leaving with another man. He's not gonna think this baby is his."
"It is. . .his. . . I mean, I'm not trying to be rude but-"
"Yes, its his! I've never cheated on him!"
"Really, Nic?" She gave her the 'Who you talking to?' look.
"Yes, Candace! The fuck are you talking about?!"
"You know exactly what the fuck I'm talking about. You. Webb."
"That was years ago, before we were married."
"Don't play the victim though when you got dirt, too. You need to talk to him."
"Whatever."
Nicki was mad that Candi bought up something old like that. She also knew Safaree wouldn't speak to her. The past few days he would ignore her calls and text but sneak in the house in the middle of the night to check on them. She knew he was checking on her too because she would hear him come in their room at night and feel him touch her cheek before kissing her forehead. She wanted so badly to pull him close but she knew better than to do that out of fear of leading him on because she was still mad and the fear that he would reject her because he was mad. The elevator stopped and they stepped off. Nicki began walking ahead of Candi when she felt a pull on her arm.
"Nic, look, I didn't mean to bring that stuff up. I know how bad you felt about it then with you know but you really need to talk to him."
"You think I haven't tried Candi?" She fought back tears.
"I know, its hard but don't take it out on this one." She placed her hand on Nicki's abdomen. "It didn't ask for this. Besides, you went from struggling to conceive to having two blessings back to back. That's what you have to celebrate."
"You're right." She smiled as the tears ran down. "I'm going to have another little blessing."
"It makes sense though." She hooked arms with Nicki and began walking.
"What?"
"Why MacKenzie been clinging to you."
"You think she knows?"
"She probably sense something different. When my cousin had her boys back to back it was like that. Man Man wouldn't leave her alone."
"Aw, my babies are friends." She smiled.
"I doubt it. MacKenzie is your child which means she probably hella territorial."
"Whatever." Nicki laughed.
"And you been eating mad weird shit lately." They laughed. Nicki glanced behind her at a familiar parking space.
*One Year Ago*
Nicki and Safaree walked hand in hand to their car. The past few months had been really good for them. Nicki finally brought her attention back to Safaree and he did the same. They were so in tune with each other that they were finally able to conceive a child and have nothing go wrong. They had just confirmed that Nicki was three months pregnant with the doctor. They would treat Nicki like a high risk pregnancy , just because she had lost a child previously, but that was the only bad news they'd received.
"I can't believe we're having a baby." Nicki said as Safaree opened her door.
"Believe it baby." He smiled and pecked her lips. He helped her in before closing door and getting in on the other side.
"OH. MY. GOD!" She began to tear up. "This is really happening."
"I know." He smiled. They stared at each other for a minute just smiling.
"I know we look so stupid right now just grinning and shit." She was still smiling while she looked over his face.
"You," He placed his hand on her cheek. "You could never look stupid." They locked into a passionate kiss, barely breathing.
"Put your seat back." Nicki pulled away and smirked.
He smiled, "Here?"
"Yup."
He watched her pull her thong down from under her dress while he moved the seat back a little then reclining it. She climbed over to the drivers side and straddled him before resuming their make out session. She left enough room between them so that she could work on his belt. She pulled him out in one swift motion and wasted no time sliding down onto him slowly. They both moaned out until she reached base. Nicki locked her fingers behind his head and looked into his eyes.
"I love you." She said.
"I love you more." He said before kissing her.
Nicki began rocking back and forth as his lips moved lower. Safaree didn't know if it was because she was pregnant or just really excited but she was extremely wet and it turned him on more. He rested his hands on her hips and rocked her back and forth faster.
"Damn." Safaree grunted.
"Faree, I, I. ." She panted.
"Let it happen baby."
"I gotta throw up!"
She pulled the handle on the door and leaned out. Safaree held her by the waist with one hand and quickly gathered her hair with the other as she vomited. She sat back up, closed the door and frowned.
"I'm sorry." She looked away.
"Its fine." She felt him going soft and knew the moment was ruined.
"I'm so embarrassed."
"You're pregnant!" He reminded her with a smile.
"I love you."
"I love you too. Funky breath and all."
"Asshole!" She hit him and climbed back over to her seat.
Safaree glanced at his phone to see Nicki calling him again. He didn't understand how he was the one who fucked up so bad but she was chasing him. He didn't want to speak to her or see her because he knew her better than herself and the hurt in her eyes and voice was too much. Even through her yelling and screaming he knew how she felt. He also knew that she hadnt cheated. Nicki was never the type to cheat. She knew what she had and if she wanted something new she would just go get it, no lies, no bs. He looked at his phone as a text message came threw. He began reading them from most recent to oldest.
Wifey: I need to talk to you.
Wifey: You really ignoring me like I fucked up when it was you!Wifey: Call your son
Wifey: do you have her medicine?
Wifey: Call me
Wifey: Let me find out you did this shit on purpose
Wifey: & her purple dog
Wifey: I need you to bring her pacifier
Wifey: no matter what, I love you
He sighed loudly and looked across the room at nothing. How did he let what was important slip away? For what? He knew it was stupid but he originally just started a flirting relationship with Stephanie to grab Nicki's attention but it didn't work. All she was focused on was making a baby, even work had taken a backseat. Eventually flirting went further and further until he was sitting in a cold clinic one morning with his nanny. His phone buzzed and he looked at it.
Wifey: I really need to talk to you. Grow tf up!
Fareeeee: Wut?
Wifey: I'm pregnant
Nicki put her phone down and picked Mackenzie's spoon back up. She was now whining and hitting the table.
"Ok, ok." Nicki said as she scooped up some peas and pushed it into MacKenzie's mouth. She began kicking her feet with excitement.
"Why do you like this?" Nicki scrunched up her face and MacKenzie screamed. "Ok, geesh, you're so freaking demanding."
"You're no longer considered a ladybug. You are officially a Barb because you treat me just like them. If you wasn't my child I'd exile you." Mackenzie screamed again. She frowned and began feeding her. Her phone began ringing moments later.
"Hello." She answered without looking at the name.
"Come outside." His voice surprised her. She hadn't expected to hear from him.
"Ok." She called out for one of the girls to come sit with MacKenzie before making her way to his car. She pulled the door open and got in the car with him. They both just looked straight ahead and said nothing for a minute. Nicki finally spoke.
"Its yours." She said with no emotion, just looking straight ahead.
"I know." His emotionless voice matched hers.
"Sooo."
"I'm sorry, Nic. I never wanted-"
"You don't owe me any apologies, excuses, none of that."
"I do and-"
"Well, I don't wanna hear them." She said coldly before letting out a long sigh. "Look, their calling it a high risk pregnancy only because of the previous miscarriages and I just had a baby. Everything looks fine now but I gotta keep the stress to a minimum."
"So you want me to stay away or some shit? I'm not just leaving my kids."
"The opposite." She took a deep breath. "I need you to move back in here and act like everything is fine. Explaining this to Micaiah and my family would be too much. And on top of that I need help with Kenzie."
"Ok."
"I'm not doing this for you nor am I trying to work this shit out. I just want to keep all my kids happy for as long as I can and deliver this one healthy."
"Ok."
"The girls leave tomorrow and Micaiah comes back in two days so-"
"I'll be by tomorrow afternoon."
"Ok."
She got out the car without saying goodbye. When she made it in the house she felt a sense of control. She hoped that the situation would work out for the best and not explode in her face like her marriage had. She looked out the window nearest to the front door to see Safaree's car still parked outside. She shook her head.
"Now the nigga feeling sorry for his self." She laughed and shook her head before going to find her baby. She decided against telling her friends about her decision because she didn't want to hear their opinions. She knew that this was the easiest and simplest way to handle the situation, for now.
Please excuse any weird formatting, typos, and italicized things. I wrote this on Microsoft Word on my phone and tried to copy and paste but it got all weird so, yeah.
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