Never Turning Back

Nicki put her arm over her eyes to block the light from shining in her face but it was no use. She was woke. She stretched before sitting up and sitting on the side of the bed. She rubbed her hand over her tired eyes before sighing. When she felt the all too familiar flutters in her stomach she smiled and rested her hands on her belly.

"Good morning, baby." She looked at her bump while she rubbed it. When she spoke the movement seemed to pick up and her smile grew wider. "I love you already and I can't wait to meet you."

She looked behind her to see that Safaree was no where to be found. She picked up her phone off the nightstand, while still rubbing her stomach with her other hand, and checked the time.

"Wow. You let me sleep till eleven SJ? You might be my favorite Safaree." She laughed to herself.
"Let's not tell Daddy that though."

She got up and made her way to the bathroom. Her toothbrush was sat on the counter. She huffed and instantly began cursing Safaree out.

"Why does he use my toothbrush? My shit is clearly pink and he clearly has blue. The fuck is his issue?!" She was opening and slamming cabinets as she searched for a new toothbrush. "I can't have shit to myself. I'm eating and one of his kids wanna beg for some. I'm sleeping and he wants to pull all the fucking covers. Been pregnant for damn near a year and fucking half! Ugh."

She rolled her eyes before using the toothbrush anyways. She was still pissed though. After she was done with her morning rituals she made her way downstairs. She walked into the kitchen angrily and approached him. She stood in front of him with a pout and folded arms.

"What's wrong? You mad cause I let you sleep late?" He smiled.

"No, you used my toothbrush again. I've asked you time and time again -"

"I didn't use your shit."

"Oh, but you did. It was on the counter and wet."

"You just woke up like a couple of hours ago and threw up then brushed your teeth and laid back down." She looked at him confused. "You don't remember? I asked you if you were ok and you said to let you sleep for a few more minutes."

"Oooh." A smile crept upon her face. "Sorry. Pregnancy brain. I'm starting to forget everything." She wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled him down to peck his lips.

"I don't see what the big deal is anyway."

"Hygiene is a very big deal. People aren't supposed to share toothbrushes."

"But every chance you get you shoving your tongue into my mouth."

"Shut up." She rolled her eyes and then they fell on something behind him. "Oh! Turkey bacon."

She wrapped one arm around his side and used his body to keep balance as she reached behind him to grab a piece. When she got it she stood up straight in front of him and took a bite.

"Nic, we need to talk." He watched her open the refrigerator. He admired her butt as she bent over.

"About what?" She pulled out the juice with one hand while she finished off her piece of bacon in her other and kicked the door shut. "Who drank my juice?!"

"Nicki."

"Oh. My. God!" She shook the container. "Can I have one fucking thing? One thing to myself, Safaree?"

"Nicki. . .listen."

She huffed, "What?"

"We should go upstairs and talk." She furrowed her eyebrows and followed his eyes behind her. It didn't dawn on her right away because his hair was cut. She just wondered how she missed him when she walked in. She looked back at Safaree.

"Who is-"

"Stephanie had him dropped him off last night. I didn't wanna get you worked up last night so-"

"Call the police, Safaree." She said with little emotion.

"Huh?"

"We have to call the police or, or child protective services. She can't just be dropping off kids and expecting-"

"He's mine."

"He's not."

They both scanned each others faces. Suddenly the room filled with tension, animosity, and all sorts of other negative vibes.




*Last Night*


After watching Nicki down the hall he turned in the opposite direction and descended down the stairs. He looked out the peep hole but it was dark. He flicked on the porch light.

"Who is it?" He looked out again to see a woman running away.

He opened the door to a little boy with a few bags around him. The boy held tight to his stuffed SpongeBob. He stepped out.

"Hey!" He called after her while jogging towards her car. She had got in and locked the doors. She cracked the window slightly.

"Stephanie told me to bring him. There's a note in one of his bags. She's been trying to tell you but-"

"Where is she?" He asked in confusion.

"Just, just read the note." She quickly put her car in reverse and pulled off.

He just stood the for a second watching the car get smaller and smaller. He turned to see the boy still standing there. He cautiously approached him. He looked him over before picking up his bags.

"Come on." He said before walking in the house.

When the boy didn't follow he placed the bags down by the door then stepped back onto the porch. He went to pick up the boy and he instantly tensed up. Safaree released him and stepped back. He looked him over trying to find the similarities but he just saw Stephanie and then Nicki. How would he explain this?

"I'm  not gonna hurt you. I just wanna take you inside." The boy just blankly stared at him. "Wanna go in? It's cold."

The boy nodded before stepping up. Safaree walked in and he followed. Safaree picked up the bags again after closing the door and locking it.

"Come on."

Safaree led him to one of the guest bedrooms and sat his stuff down.

"You sleep in a big kid bed?"

The boy nodded yes.

"You fall out?"

He shook his head no.

"Scared of the dark?"

He shook his head yes eagerly with wide eyes. 

"Alright. Stay right here."

 He went into MacKenzie's room and unplugged her night light and brought it back. He plugged it in before putting the boy, who was already in his pajamas, in the bed.

"Um, alright so, uh, night." He nodded and flicked off the light before getting back into the bed with Nicki. He pulled her close, took in her scent and closed his eyes. He needed this last moment in case they fell apart again.

"Who was it?"

"We'll talk about it in the morning."

"Sa-"

"Nicki, please. . .just go to sleep."




Nicki watched him changing MacKenzie from the door for a minute. They hadn't spoken for hours. A small disagreement turned into a huge argument leaving them both in their feelings; both too prideful to apologize. She instantly became irritated at the amount of powder he was shaking onto MacKenzie. She stepped in and spoke.

"Safaree."

"What man?" He asked with an attitude as he closed the diaper.

"Stop putting so much damn powder on her and stop shaking it on like that. You gone kill her."

"What?" He looked at her funny with squinted eyes.

"You're supposed to sprinkle it on your hand then put it on so the powder doesn't get in her lungs."

"Aite." He nodded and watched her pick up MacKenzie. She looked him over and he could tell she had something to say. "What, Nicki?"

"He can stay for the two weeks or whatever but when she doesn't come back to get him then we're calling someone. I'm not gonna just throw a two year old out." She adjusted MacKenzie on her hip wondering when she got so big.

"Nic-"

"I called someone to come out tomorrow to do a DNA test so make sure you're here." It was quiet between the two of them. She adjusted MacKenzie again. "Who did you say he was to Micaiah? I know he asked."

"A friend." She chuckled and shook her head knowing that, that wouldn't be a good enough answer for her son. "I'm sorry about-"

"I don't wanna hear it, Safaree. You said what you felt and that's it." She shrugged. "Its not like you were lying."

"But I know how you feel about-"

"And you still threw it in my face." He could see the tears teasing the rim of her eye lids. She sighed.
"Did you tell all your friends and family about the baby? I'm ready to announce it."

"Yeah." He looked over her face carefully. He could tell she was holding a lot in. He went to touch her cheek and she pulled away.

"I'll tweet the picture today then." She folded her lips and dropped her head as she walked out of the room.

Moments later Safaree found himself downstairs. He found himself following the voices to the basement to Micaiah's game room. Nicki was sat on the couch with her feet up smiling at her phone while Micaiah played a video game and MacKenzie played with her colorful blocks. It was the usual scene he stumbled upon except something was missing.

"Yo, where's Bash?" He asked.

"Who?" Micaiah paused his game and looked at him confused.

"His little friend." Nicki rolled her eyes then began laughing with Micaiah.

Safaree huffed, "Nicki, lemme talk to you."

She rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically before standing.

"Cai, don't let her get into anything." She walked out behind Safaree and he closed the door behind them.

"Yo, you need to chill the fuck out."

"What are you talking about?" She asked with an attitude.

"How you not know where he is? You purposely tryna exclude him or something?"

"Safaree, please." She put her hand up and shook her head.

"He's a kid."

"Exactly." She nodded angrily. "And when the fuck have I ever mistreated a fucking kid? Don't let this situation get you fucked up in the head. He's in there with us. Micaiah said he just sits in the fucking corner all day so if that's what he wants to do what the fuck can I do about it?"

"Make him feel at home."

She opened her mouth to say something but she smirked and let out a breath that was almost hitched. She shook her head.

"You know what? That's your problem, Safaree. I got three other fucking kids to worry about."

"So, you gone treat him some kinda way cause he's not yours? That's fucked up." He shook his head at her.

"That's not what I'm saying!" She raised her voice. She sighed and rested her hand on her stomach. "Look, just give me a minute."

She walked away from him for the second time that day. He sighed and peeked into the game room. Micaiah was playing the game and paying absolutely no attention to anything else. MacKenzie had her head laid on Micaiah's lap and her body looked limp. She stared blankly at the tv and blinked slowly. Safaree scanned the room to see the little boy sitting on the floor near the coach staring at the game.

"Yo!"

"Yeah?" Micaiah paused his game.

"Your moms fed her?"

"Yeah."

"Alright." He went and picked MacKenzie up to go lay her down. "See if little man wanna play."

Safaree carried MacKenzie up the stairs. By the time they made it to her room she was half way asleep. He laid her down before making his way to his room. Before he pushed the door opened he thought he heard Nicki talking but she stopped. He opened the door to the dark room. Nicki had pulled the curtains closed therefore denying access to any light. He laid beside her and wrapped his arm around her. He let his hand rest on top of hers which rested gently on her stomach.

"Baby, talk to me." He said.

"No." She said sternly and scooted her body forward. She jerked her arm in attempt to get him to release her but she failed. He moved closer.

"Nicki, please." She rolled to her back and then her side to face him. She couldn't really see him in the dark but she could make out his features.

"We're gonna fall apart again." She whispered as if she were hiding an awful truth from herself.

"We don't have to."

"But that argument earlier-"

"I shouldn't have said that stuff. I was just trying to make a point."

"What point? I mean, I left Micaiah with you and my mother, yes, but you knew where I was and I was doing it for us. Why would you compare me to her? Why would you try to hurt me in defense of her actions and a kid that's probably not even yours?" She was crying now and he felt even worse.

"I just. . ." He sighed. "I would never out right deny Micaiah, MacKenzie, or this one." He rested his hand on her stomach. "Why would I do that to him? You know that's not the man that I am. Its not his fault, Nicki. That's all I was trying to say."

"I guess." She wiped her face and sniffled. "I guess I didn't think of it like that."

"I mean, I would feel like shit if I denied one of my kids. That's why I never questioned you with Micaiah or this new baby."

"So, you feel that the legitimacy of our unborn child is questionable?" She said defensively.

"No." He laughed lightly and kissed between her brow in which he knew was wrinkled because she was upset. "I'm just saying."

"But why not-"

"Nicki, stop." He said calmly and she huffed. He began rubbing her stomach. "No matter what happens with this kid, I love you. There's no need for us to back track or start that arguing all day shit. I got my family where it needs to be and I wanna keep it this way. Ok?"

"Ok."

She felt his lips press against hers and she kissed him back. At times she felt stupid for taking him back and dealing with the bullshit but she couldn't see things panning out any other way.

"I love you, Nicki."

"I love you, too, baby. I mean it and I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"Yo, why you always put your hand on my ass when you wanna have sex?" She laughed. He had discreetly but not so discreetly slipped his hand into her sweatpants and rested his hand on her butt.

"Cause," He laughed. "It's more gentleman like than just out right sayin', "Lets fuck".

"Try me."

"Ok." He cleared his throat. "Lets fuck."

She immediately started laughing hard and he joined her. She playfully hit his chest.

"Ok." She said. "I agree."

"See, you don't take me serious."

"Lets start over."

"With the question or. . ."

"No." She replied seductively.

She kissed his lips and found his hand. She placed it on her behind and pressed firmly on his fingers, encouraging him to grip it. Once he began doing as she wished she moved her hand to underneath his t-shirt. She careesed his body and gently glided her nails across it. She couldn't wait until he made her dig in deeper as he did the same. The kissing intensified and they wanted each other badly.

Down the hall, MacKenzie also wanted something badly. A bottle. She didn't know, nor did she care, what she was interrupting as she screamed out.

"Ugh." Nicki grunted and pulled away from him. "And you wanna bring two more freaking kids into this house?" She said as she got up.

"What's wrong?"

"She's hungry, I guess."

"Micaiah said she ate."

"You listened to Micaiah?" She laughed before walking out the room.

He sat for a minute and thought about how dumb that was. He shrugged it off though. He and Nicki were back on track again and that's all that mattered for the time being. He didn't know exactly how things would work if the child was his but he did know that Nicki would be by his side. That's all he ever really wanted.




It had been days since Sebastian's arrival and the dynamics in the household hadn't really changed much. He was a quiet child and didn't really put up a fuss about anything. They still hadn't heard anything from Stephanie but did get the DNA test done and it would be back soon.

Nicki looked over her laptop at MacKenzie and Sebastian. Sebastian was stacking his blocks while MacKenzie chewed on hers. Initially, Nicki thought that MacKenzie would be standoffish to a new kid but it was Sebastian who was standoffish. He didn't really like to interact with anyone but Safaree. Her phone began to ring and she answered once she saw who it was.

"Hi, mommy."

"Hi."

"What are you up to?"

"Nothing. Did some running around with Jelani. Guess who's pregnant?"

"Me! Derrr."

"No, silly."

"I know." She laughed. "Jay called me as soon as he found out."

"You knew before me?"

"I don't know." She laughed. "I doubt it cause he knows you would have a fit."

"Sure would." She said. "How are my babies?"

"Faree and Cai went to get school supplies and Kenzie and Bash are playing with blocks. Well,
Kenzie is eating hers." She rolled her eyes.

"How's Sebastian?"

"Um, the same. Quiet, to his self. Its really weird."

"He's in a new place. Are you making him feel at home?"

"What does that mean?! Safaree keeps saying that and its like. . . I don't even know where he came from, ya know? Like, I'm nice to him but. . . I don't know." She sighed and looked at him.

"I understand. Are you treating him like you treat Micaiah and MacKenzie or-"

"He's not Micaiah or MacKenzie though, Ma."

"The test might come back and say otherwise. Then what?" Nicki didn't respond as those words set in. "All I'm saying baby girl is that he needs love right now. Give him some."

"Mommy, you know what I'm afraid of?" She didn't wait for a response. "If he's Safaree's then I'm going to be sad because. . .who wouldn't, ya know? If he's not then," She sighed. "Safaree is already attached to him. I don't wanna get attached and get the kids attached if he's not."

"Remember a while back when you were afraid of messing up again with Safaree and Micaiah? You started acting funny towards Safaree and said something like that. Remember?"

"Yes." She said lowly. She knew her mother was about to tell her something she already knew but didn't wanna admit.

"What'd I say to you?"

"To not deny someone love out of fear." She dragged her voice as she spoke stubbornly before whining. "I know but-"

"No buts. I'm going to call back in a few days and see how things are."

"Ok." She sighed.

"I love you, Onika."

"Love you too."

She hung up and looked at Sebastian. She rubbed her lips together and squinted at him. He turned and looked at her. She smiled and he turned away from her.

"Mean ass." She mumbled. She picked up her phone and called Safaree.

"Hey, babe. What's up? We almost done."

"Do you feel like going out? I wanna take the kids to the park. Kenny's never been and I think it might be good for Bash."

"Yeah. . Ok." He smiled at her taking Sebastian into consideration. "We'll be home in a minute. You need something?"

"Yessss! Tums. Your kid is giving me heartburn for days!"

He laughed, "Aight. I got you, Ma."

"Oh, and get some snacks for the kids. . .you know, for the park."

"What do you want, Nicki?" He laughed at her indirectness.

"A snickers, some almonds without the salt, iced tea, and um, oh, a pack of gum."

"You had that list ready." He laughed. "Fat ass."

"Bye, Safaree."

She hung up with an attitude and he kicked his self for putting his foot in his mouth yet again. Typically he could joke with her about that but not anymore. She had gained more weight than she usually did with her pregnancies and was feeling overly sensitive about it. He still thought she was gorgeous but she didn't want to hear that. He made a note to himself to pick up some flowers. Normal Nicki would toss them out if she was pissed but hopefully emotional, pregnant Nicki would appreciate them.

An hour later they found themselves at a nearby park. Nicki and Safaree pushed a sleeping MacKenzie around in her stroller while they watched Micaiah play with Sebastian.

"You think it's something wrong with him?" Nicki asked.

"Who? Bash? Nah. He just shy."

"I guess. I just never seen a kid that quiet."

"Remember Viola little cousin was like that?"

"Who?" She looked at him funny.

"The little girl she would bring to play with Caiah."

"I wasn't around."

"Oh. . .yeah. Well, she was mad quiet but only cause she was never around kids. Look at him now."

They stopped and looked at Sebastian who was following Micaiah's lead. Whatever Micaiah told him to get on and do he did. Nicki smiled then hooked her arm through Safaree's before he began pushing again.

"I just want you to know that if he is yours then he has a place with us. . .always. There would be no point in denying him, you or the kids that. Its not his fault that she did what she did."

"I love you."

"I love you too. Oh, and I really liked the flowers, Faree." She smiled.

"Anything to keep that smile on your face, baby." He leaned towards her and pecked her lips.

"Have you been on Twitter?"

"Nah, why?"

"Did I tell you what they were saying when I tweeted the little collage thingy Cai made?" She laughed.

"No." He laughed.

"I tweeted the freaking picture and put number sign "Its a Boy" and these fools talking about "Who baby is that?"." She laughed.

"What you say?" He glanced at her and smiled.

"I told em it was mine. Like, why would I put someone else's stomach on there?" She laughed. "Then they started talking that freaky shit and I had to go."

"Yo, some of them are out of control." She just shook her head.

"Oh, you need to talk to Micaiah before school starts. I'm not dealing with the stuff I had to deal with last year."

"What?"

"The fighting, playing in class. Dead it now, Safaree, before the year get started."

"Alright." He sighed. "Oh, I was told to give you a speech before school started."

"From who?" She asked shocked. "Micaiah?"

"Your moms." He laughed. "Basically, she said sit your ass down and don't be trying to run that school."

"I don't." She laughed. "They be calling me asking for help."

"Mmhmm."

"They do." She laughed. "I'm already getting calls about fundraising for the cheerleaders and the baseball team. Shit my son not even it."

"Don't they know you got other shit to handle?"

"My fundraisers be the shit though." She said cocky. "And I raise mad money for them."

"Well, you need to slow your road little shawty." He looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh? Who gone check me little daddy?" She matched his facial expression.

"Me." He unhooked his arm from hers and slapped her butt. She gasped dramatically and frowned at him. "Everytime."

"That's not funny!" She placed her hand on her butt while she walked beside him pouting.


After going to the park and getting something to eat they found themselves back at home. Nicki got all the kids bathed then handed them off to Safaree to put to bed. MacKenzie went to bed right away. Micaiah put up a debate about why he shouldn't have a bed time until the night before school but lost and went right to sleep. Sebastian, on the other hand, began kicking and screaming. At first, Safaree couldn't figure out what was wrong but then he realized that his SpongeBob was missing. He tried to quickly find it before Nicki was done showering but couldn't. He was now begging the child to calm down.

"Look, Bash, look at this." He waved one of Micaiah's old stuffed Spidermen but he continued to scream.

"Sebastian." Safaree heard Nicki's stern voice behind him.

"Damn." He whispered. Sebastian stopped screaming and his breathing became hitched.

"Come here." Sebastian looked between Nicki and Safaree. "Now."

He slid off the bed slowly and stood in front of Safaree. He looked between the two of them again. Nicki softened her face and extended her hand to him. He slowly walked towards her and grabbed her hand while he sniffled. She walked him to their room and stood by the bed. The only source of light they had was from the bathroom.

"You have to pee?" He shook his head no. "Ok, get in."

She watched him climb into the bed and lay on his stomach. He laid his head flat on the bed and turned to watch her. She got in after him and laid on her side facing him. She rubbed his back in attempt to further calm him. She looked up to see Safaree enter.

"Faree, turn off the bathroom light."

He did as she instructed before climbing into bed with them. All that could be heard was Sebastian's semi hitched breathing.

"Thank you, Nicki." Safaree said.















Um, what do you guys think? I don't really like the whole "Sebastian" plot but whatevs. I hope this isn't like, extremely long and boring. Thanks again for all the comments guys! :*

Oh, and to whoever asked, Nicki is 5 months.